Self initiation, again?
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@dan888 said
"...my asana is not perfect as stipulated by A.C. nor am I a master of the astral planes as also required...
The problem I have is that I have no contact with the order and thus can not lay claim to these grades, any thoughts on this?"
Respectfully: If you had "contact with the order," and based on your own assessment, you wouldn't be able to lay claim to anything higher than 1=10. (This is ignoring the point that one doesn't walk in and "lay claim" to a grade anyway just by "testing out.")
It sounds like you have been doing some good work over many years. My main question, on reading your post, was why you have a need (or even interest) to claim anything at all in a system of which you aren't a member.
"P.P.S. although It could be seen as sepremely presumptous I keep getting the urge to take the oath of the abyss, although I have refrained thus far being aware of the huge responsibility let alone the dangers involved."
If you aren't 7=4, then this is likely a mistake. (Of course, I can only speak in generalities.)
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@dan888 said
"Although I am well aware of the folly of taking the irrevocable oath i woulnt deny that the idea has crossed my mind as I quite often see things from such an abstracted point of view that the view from Binah seems the only one to make any sense. but dont worry, i'm not about to go leaping off into the abyss just yet, still too many things to do."
Sure. It's not unusual (I probably should say, "It's common") for such things to cross the mind. (And BTW all magical oaths are irrevocable oaths.)
Remember that mental abstractions are still of the Ruach. They are below the Abyss.
Perhaps this will help (these are filtering questions, not intended to create any sense of fear):
- Have you attained to the Knowledge & Conversation of your Holy Guardian Angel? (It is the Angel, and only the Angel, that has the Wisdom to lead you to the threshold of the Abyss.)
- Are you ready, without warm-up or chance to back up, to let your ego take a back seat on all occasions where it isn't the best tool of the moment (and to let go of any sense that it is who you are)?
- In your deepest, surest understanding of yourself, are you prepared to completely surrender (other than as a handy convenience) any sense that you are separate from any other life?
- Have you developed and perfected your ego, and your purpose in life, and your path of contribution such that its surrender to Babalon is the worthest gift you have to offer Her?
- Do you see your psychological projections readily, and easily read your nature in their mirror? Are you prepared to see all reality (as normally conceived) as no more than one of these projections?
- Does "service without ego" make sense beyond the very human meaning of the same words, and is the whole of your soul already committed to this unreservedly?
These are just some off-the-cuff questions for consideration, but they might be useful to you.