"Prayer hijacking"
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Has anyone else had an experience involving another aspect of the psyche hijacking a prayer/attempted contact with the HGA? By this I mean: As a total newbie, I frequently get confused as to what I am interacting with beyond the initial burst of "oh hai, Adonai!" and sometimes I get befuddled enough to end up with another aspect of my psyche "standing in the way" and trying to impersonate the Angel - this usually comes from trying to interpret what I am receiving and give it words so I can record it in my magical diary.
Do any of you have preparation you usually do for simple prayer and two-way conversation (casual use of that word) with the HGA? Is it as simple as banishing or is this not supposed to be necessary? Is meditation prior to contact something to be expected?
I was deceived and I don't intend for it to happen again.
[edit]- I know genuine initiation deals with this and that I would have a superior to ask, but I am currently in the process of self-initiation in a broad sense and as such have no superior to ask... and the issue of asking the HGA and not having other aspects of the psyche get in the way is exactly what this topic is about!
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@Ash said
"I know genuine initiation deals with this and that I would have a superior to ask, but I am currently in the process of self-initiation in a broad sense and as such have no superior to ask... and the issue of asking the HGA and not having other aspects of the psyche get in the way is exactly what this topic is about!
"Then you have to train all aspects of the psyche. The methods of learning this are the drills of ceremonial magick and yoga. (Most people benefit from using the two collaboratively.) The structured curriculum of hte A.'.A.'. takes care of all of this. By the time one has reached Domnus Liminis, this problem is pretty much licked.
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@Jim Eshelman said
"Then you have to train all aspects of the psyche."
That seems to be my HGA's plan =p Before I began this, I rapidly went backwards through my life (mentally) over the course of a week or two - not intentionally, really, it just "happened" and I find this to be an adequate description of it. After I began the process that I realized was self-initiation (on a lower octave as compared to, say, "legit" A.'.A.'. initiation), I found myself rapidly shooting through essentially all of my major issues and making near-frightening progress every day. I look back through my diary and realize that each day has felt like an entire lifetime. Keeping my magical diary with me at all times has amplified the process a hundredfold.
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@Ash said
"Keeping my magical diary with me at all times has amplified the process a hundredfold."
Yes. During unusually intense times, it's been quite obvious in my life that concentrated, frequent attention to the diary has had an accelerating effect. For the most part, the higher-velocity the period, the more benefit and necessity there is to living with one's diary.
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@Alrah said
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@Jim Eshelman said
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@Ash said
"Keeping my magical diary with me at all times has amplified the process a hundredfold."Yes. During unusually intense times, it's been quite obvious in my life that concentrated, frequent attention to the diary has had an accelerating effect. For the most part, the higher-velocity the period, the more benefit and necessity there is to living with one's diary."
But probably because you were paying attention to the details rather than working out where you were 'at'."
In the most intense times, one is always "working out where one is at." The Task of the Neophyte to "apply himself to understand the nature of his Initiation" never ends, especially in the most intense times.
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@Alrah said
"Cool. Don't over analize your progress and be diverted though. At this time it seems as if you're racing. You may hit upon a dry spell in your future when everything seems to stop. So just flow with what's happening now and don't bother with trying to form more of a global map until you've assimilated all the details. That will happen naturally later. Otherwise - you'll drop the ball and follow fantasims of progress (like Kenneth Grant)."
I've done all of this, including the things you just told me not to do
On a serious note, though, I keep telling myself that my (self-) initiation is distinct from most of the "magical operations" I read about, mainly in that it is apparently utterly impossible for me to "perform this perfectly" because the initiation is the process by which I learn what that even means - if I didn't "screw up" certain parts of it at certain points, I would never have been able to identify and address issues that need to be overcome. I have only a vague outline of the way the process is going to go and of my goals for each part of it, because they take on a totally different light when I actually reach them, and I'm letting my Angel guide me as I go (this is where Jim's "Truth Sense" or some effect of it seems to have played into my life - the entire process just "started happening" and felt "right" and I began consciously addressing it as a result, not a cause). In particular, I don't actually know how the process will actually "conclude" because I feel like I wouldn't even understand what that means at this particular point - it seems readily obvious that only folly would result from trying to plan too far ahead with an operation whose purpose is personal progression and change - it's like "the Ash who plans the initiation is not the Ash who actually goes through it."@Jim Eshelman said
"Yes. During unusually intense times, it's been quite obvious in my life that concentrated, frequent attention to the diary has had an accelerating effect. For the most part, the higher-velocity the period, the more benefit and necessity there is to living with one's diary."
The issues I'm working through are very deeply rooted, and I find it necessary to write entries 3-6 times an hour during hours where I am not actively engaged in doing something like driving or actively working my ass off (yet my job seems to trigger tons of realizations for me, probably due to the interesting combination of stress, working alone, and freedom to work at my own pace most of the time). I agree completely with your second sentence, as I find my entries to have been many times more numerous during and following intense periods, and to slow down to once or twice every 2-3 hours during periods where I am basically not actively learning anything (or not consciously learning anything, at least).
@Jim Eshelman said
"In the most intense times, one is always "working out where one is at." The Task of the Neophyte to "apply himself to understand the nature of his Initiation" never ends, especially in the most intense times."
I'm trying to find something to add to this or comment on, but I can't
I'll definitely be keeping it in mind though; thanks Jim. -
Huh?
I barely understand what you wrote, and haven't a clue what it has to do with the sentence of mine that you quoted.
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I concur with Jim - I am very confused by your usage of "local" vs "global" understanding. I am a musician and I am a little bit confused why you would relate scales to global vs local understanding; personally, I feel like, if I had to use the world "global," I would relate THAT to simply "inspired playing," playing and becoming the instrument while the universe "plays me," while "local" understanding would (to me) be something more like "oh, I just played the note that is my tonal center but an octave higher in a power chord, so now I'm going to go up a semitone and play that with a powerchord, and then I'm going to slide down to THIS fret and so I get THIS interval relation..." etc.
That aside, the last paragraph of your last post is something I can relate to and agree with... I "initiated" as a musician by playing music without understanding why it sounded the way it did, and THEN learning the theory behind it.
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I think there comes a point where you are over doing the analysis however. 2 or 3 times an hour writing some long magical journal entry every second makes me think that it is all analysis and no progress. I think maybe it has become an analysis obsession with certain people. If only they would step back and see that they are not doing themselves any favors.