one ordeal after another
-
Quite a pickle you have found yourself in. I have no solution, but would like to remind you of these things:
"19. Wherefore I charge you that ye come unto me in the Beginning; for if ye take but one step in this Path, ye must arrive inevitably at the end thereof." Liber Cheth vel Vallum Abiegniand from Magick (in the chapter about the Wand) :"Every one who signs the oath of a Probationer is stirring up a hornets' nest.
A man has only to affirm his conscious aspiration; and the enemy is upon him.
It seems hardly possible that any one can ever pass through that terrible year of probation -- and yet the aspirant is not bound to anything difficult; it almost seems as if he were not bound to anything at all -- and yet experience teaches us that the effect is like plucking a man from his fireside into mid-Atlantic in a gale. The truth is, it may be, that the very simplicity of the task makes it difficult.
The Probationer must cling to his aspiration -- affirm it again and again in desperation.
He has, perhaps, almost lost sight of it; it has become meaningless to him; he repeats it mechanically as he is tossed from wave to wave.
But if he can stick to it he will come through."
and you will recognize where this is from:
- Thus and not otherwise may he attain the great reward: YEA, MAY HE OBTAIN THE GREAT REWARD!
It has been my observation that even if you think you're severing the link, you don't. You should continue your Work as best as you can. Neophyte or no.
-
If you weren't expelled, you should be able to pick up. - You may have some people's ill-will and (possibly deserved?) negative judgments but, in the absence of an expulsion, you should be fine.
My suggestion is that you simply complete your work - everything you need is publically available - memorize your chapter of LXV, to the other work and compile a diary, and, when all done, contact your Neophyte and tell him or her that you've finished and are ready for examination. This should have one of two effects:
(1) They see that you're worth taking seriously, and all goes on.
(2) They've already taken steps to formally terminate your relationship and, at the very least, you'll have completed the work and received the intrinsic part of the reward.
-
The central ordeal of the Probationer is indeed a tough nut to crack...
