24 June (Water) Liber LXV, 3:31-32
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31. I turned me about thrice in every way; and always I came at the last unto Thee.
32. Many things I beheld mediate and immediate; but, beholding them no more, I beheld Thee. -
31. I turned me about thrice in every way; and always I came at the last unto Thee.
The growing effect of this chapter has been to remind me of the 'deep water' character of my psychic reality. And I am acutely aware this morning of how it is getting mixed up with my secular reality, so that things in the world become catalysts for feeling, more than usual, the fucked up nature of things in general—the tremendous darkness that weighs on so many lives.
Wrongly perhaps, or rightly, but I feel the need for practical, immediate technique and guidance—how to perform this alchemy. I could easily read significance into the turning wheel and the three ways, but I would still need to act, and clever associations have never been the basis for real action, imo. These things, as suggestive as they are are still not real, immediate to me.
Finding the way up and out is important—save yourself so you can save others. I have rehearsed it, I should know the turns myself, but there is confusion nonetheless. I hold my breath and suppress my panic at my inability to breathe as I move forward, looking for significant openings above.
32. Many things I beheld mediate and immediate; but, beholding them no more, I beheld Thee.
As soon as you postulate an infinite out there, the rest of the universe collapses into only two practical measures: something very close, and something else not so close. Infinity has that tendency, it's a real conversation killer. But perhaps this all-ness is not infinite, but it is only the 'all' in a way that is uncompromising and has more to do with learning a lesson very very well, and not so much with the final breakthrough into the heaven world.
I confess, I would separate this worst of the darkness from everything else and just not include its name in my invites, but then this would be unforgivably rude, if it were simply not impossible.
Love and Will
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" 31. I turned me about thrice in every way; and always I came at the last unto Thee. "
The three of I turned thrice = 9.... nines every way = 999.... (My understanding anyway) As a child I considered the nine pointed star the God Star. More information I found about 999.
www.ridingthebeast.com/numbers/nu999.ph
It is weird that 999 can also mean seed (beginning?)
" 32. Many things I beheld mediate and immediate; but, beholding them no more, I beheld Thee. "
The use of the word ‘Mediate’ is awkward here as if to make a point that is understandable
dictionary.reference.com/browse/Mediate1.To settle (disputes, strikes, etc.) as an intermediary between parties; reconcile
I think Intermediary or between seem to make more sense. In a sense it doesn’t. I think this verse leaves me clutching for something beyond my understanding as immediate seems to mean ‘now’, the word but seems to interject as if it is something beyond now, as if to say that beyond ‘now’ I beheld thee. It is almost like saying that now I am lost in a sea of guessing, but beyond is thee.