Advice on Death
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A few days ago I got a call. My grandfather was dying. I immediately flew out from Cali to KY to be by his side.
I'm sitting her as he sleeps a pale thin figure, barely able to breath. A shadow of what he once was. He's mostly confused, yet knows I'm here.
How do we as Thelemites, or magicians, athiests, or believers in something more deal with others at the end? Oddly, I realize I've never truly thought of this, what to do for another at thier time. Can we "do" anything?
I need your advice, please. Is there something I should say or do, even.if a visualization that may help? We were very close, this is a hard and important moment in my life.
Thank you,
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If it were me (which is all I can say) I would just be happy and thankful to be there to say what I want to say, to describe how much his life meant to me, to let him know the job he has a accomplished as a paternal influence to me, to wish him comfort and ease.
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@Takamba said
"If it were me (which is all I can say) I would just be happy and thankful to be there to say what I want to say, to describe how much his life meant to me, to let him know the job he has a accomplished as a paternal influence to me, to wish him comfort and ease."
Thank you Takamba. Yes, thats pretty much what I'm doing and thought. Yes, just feel helpless. But obviously its his time.
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First of all, make sure to take care of yourself. Eat, get enough sleep, relax, etc. Keep up with whatever ritual work you need to remain healthy and vital (LBRP, Middle Pillar, etc.).
As for what Thelemites can do for others, it seems to me that the Thelemic attitude toward death begins with releasing any fear or dread connected with the process of dying. If you can remain free of fear, I'm sure that will have an impact on your grandfather and help to bring his experience closer to what the Holy Books promise it can be:
"Thrill with the joy of life & death! Ah! thy death shall be lovely: whoso seeth it shall be glad. Thy death shall be the seal of the promise of our agelong love. Come! lift up thine heart & rejoice! We are one; we are none."
"Strive ever to more! and if thou art truly mine— and doubt it not, an if thou art ever joyous!— death is the crown of all."
and so on. -
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.
You have my sympathy. I had someone close pass away recently, and gave this a lot of thought. Admittedly, it was not anyone as close as your grandfather, but I did have some insights as I went through it.
Tend mindfully to your feelings of loss. They are real. Don't deny or act out. Embrace the grieving process as a personal ordeal, and head bravely for the center of it.
But remember as you do that the snake undulates through life and through death. Just as we know Helios doesn't really rise and set, but burns equally brightly whether we face him or not, it is absurd for a Thelemite to mourn death as cessation of self-conscious existence, as an end in any but the most transitory sense--like wailing at an eclipse or trembling that the ocean as drowned the setting sun. Take heart. Your grandfather will burn just as brightly after his star crosses the visible horizon.
Perhaps share with him our vision of what's to come. "Peace unutterable, rest, ecstasy." You'll miss him, surely, but appreciate that he'll be just fine. Marshal the light as best you can to welcome him home. And meditate on the joyfulness of his passage, even in the midst of your sorrow.
Liber AL is worthy of much contemplation here, particularly the hiding of Hadit. Try II:6, II:17; II:21; II:44; II:52; II:68.
Love is the law, love under will.
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Let me add one point. (There is so much to say. So much that would be easier to say in person. And everyone else was doing great!)
It's this: Be real. No bullshit. Be there. Look it in the face.
For you and for him: really be there.
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@Jim Eshelman said
"Let me add one point. (There is so much to say. So much that would be easier to say in person. And everyone else was doing great!)
It's this: Be real. No bullshit. Be there. Look it in the face.
For you and for him: really be there."
Jim, thank you. Your 100% right. I been finding that just sitting next to him, being there itself is everything. Its a moment I've always dreaded. He was like a father to me, and for years I was apart. Now its come. I'm taking your advice. Everyone's advice. It truly is important so thank you.
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J
