A Life on the Edge
-
Throughout my life I have rigorusloy studied various mystical and magickal systems, and thrown myself into them, and during those times, I met with the following success, but later failiures.
I think my single biggest magickal ability has to do with the path my higher self set out for me. Being in the right place at the right time without thinking about it. This is everything from just showing up at the right time when someone has needed me, or needed something as little as a ride, or perhaps I needed something and made it just as someone that I needed to see would be there...when I was totally at one with myself my timing was so right on so as I would arrive where I needed to be and everything around me would bend to make sure that happened. I used to call it, "being in the Tao," but looking back I think that I was allowing my True Will to guide me without consciously impeding it.
I don't have the keen sense of impending danger that some have, but in my life I have been able to avoid disasterous things happening to myself, such as when my friend Kyle rolled us while driving to Westby and I knew it was about to happen, and exactly how it was going to happen so I was able to avoid getting hurt.
I have been able to project my consciousness (astral self?) into others' consciousness and re-experience things that have happened to them in fairly vivid detail. With witnesses that questioned me about things I had no way of knowing about or things they never told anyone before.
I have had experiences of "travelling without moving" great distances to far away places, and better yet, inward through my own consciousness and into my sub-consciousness. Description of this would be very hard. I've also had two "out of body" experiences where I knew that I have lifted my consciousness self out of my physical body and was able to view my surroundings from an elevated perspective, and move about
I'm no good at divination, however I am good at telling people what they need to hear at times they need to hear it. In reading tarot cards I'm not good so much at seeing what is coming, as in seeing what is already there that hasn't been seen by the person, but needs to be, and seeing past incidences that have brought the person to where they need to be. Although, people don't always want to listen.
I have sensed more than seen auras, and based on these projections, I have avoided or gotten to know people, and because of the trust I have put in this ability, it has never led me wrong.
I have experienced clairaudience and clairvoyance, but only in regards to the aforementioned circumstances.
I have affected the weather, with witnesses on a few occassions.
At two times in my life I have conversed with what I consider to be my higher self, once when I was a kid and had a horrible ear infection (they wanted to put tubes in my ears) and was laid up, and once in high school when I got a debilatating migraine and had to be confined in a dark room for three days. It told me of things to come and things that have passed and while I can't remember the specific conversations, pieces of it have come to me at certain times when I "needed to know" I guess I'm on a need to know basis.
I have performed guided meditation in four people, and all of which I was able to at least arouse their kundalini, so I have a "transferance ability" wherein I feel I can interact at certain times with the force energy that surrounds and flows through us. This culminated one night when I was able to cause a penny to follow the path my index finger was tracing on a wooden table, with witnesses.
But then later in life, as the material world tightened its grip on me, things slowly stoped. My doors of perception became more and more clouded. I slowly stopped trusting my Will and because of that impeeded it, resulting in my stumbling through life as opposed to flowing.
It has been three years since I have had or caused even one mystical or magickal experience, and then one day recently, when I took a new job, I met a new person that was extremely interested in the Golden Dawn. I had explored the H.O.G.D. before, but it never "felt right," and I had passed on it after a short period, but it had, 10 years prior led me to learn about Aleister Crowley. Something about this new friend just reawoke a burning fire within me and I started delving into everything I could find about A.C. which eventually led me to Jim's book, and then to this board.
Since this reawakening, two months have passed, and I resigned myself to starting back at the beginning, and have been reading the Student curriculum. I have tried three times to contact the AA with no success, but I feel that if it is meant to be, than it will be so. If not, I hope to use Jim's book, my past experience, A.C.'s work, and the insights and guides of this message board to carry me through the system more or less (knowing that I cannot be initiated unless I make contact at some point).
I was wondering if any of you had lived a life of these "hedge" experiences, and if you found them to be real, if they helped you in your later "serious magickal work," or if you discarded them completely?
-
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
-
and you ask us for instructions? 10 years is a long time. youve been through alot. Am amazed
