Probationary work clarifications
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I read through this thread and decided I wanted to post. I know basically that I am in a probationary phase... I had some dreams about two weeks ago with all these perfect symbolic correspondences to path 32 of the Qabalah ala 777... Events in my life lately have been leading up to my necessary move towards independence. I won't really bore you with details.
I'm not going to ask anyone to give me dead-on instructions in what I should do as a 'Probationer'. Needless to say I have been practicing this Asana for a while now, since I decided to make the plunge into the business of actual practicing the control of the mind. I have 'bound' myself to this duty in a way, and I have a chain I wear to symbolize that I am binding myself to this work even if it has a bitter taste sometimes.
Sorry I'm evading the question. My problem is this: most of the rituals, the banishing and invoking rituals, I have to admit, as much as I would like to engage in these practices, and really as much as I feel they are necessary to really gain a comprehensive view of Crowleys system towards mystical attainment, well... I'm living with my parents, I'm 20 years old and a College student. And they already think I'm mad. Trust me, they do. They live in their small little world, you know... Anyways, ...Putting these actual external rituals into practice just doesn't seem likely in the environment I'm in, due to the fact that I am oppressed by living with my family. Now, of course, not having to pay rent does some good for me in the department of unnecessary stresses.
In other words, if I were out on my own or in a space/environment where I wouldn't feel oppressed ...I would certainly atleast try to put these rituals into practice. Do you think that just the "inward" way (Meditation, versus the "outward" or external ceremonial/ritual type deal) would serve as a path towards self-initiation? Or will I remain in a more or less 'probationary' state until I can go somewhere free enough to engage in ritual practice?
I suppose you're going to say that you can't answer that... Haha,.. Thats fine if you do... I'm just putting my situation in perspective for all of you who are much further down the road then I am
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Well, why don't you practice them at school? I do not know how your school is, but my school had big deserted places where people were unlikely to find me. Also, college tends to be a place where young people are open to things they would never want their parents to know about.
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I'm at a rather small local college. Not a very big campus... maybe 6-8 buildings or so. I'd be hardpressed just to find a place to meditate without looking strange.
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Do you have a problem with looking strange?
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No, I mean I already look generally strange because I wear clothes that I like and I have a lot of messy hair and show a disregard for modern trends of fashion or self-grooming you know ... No... I don't mind looking strange at all... but in my environment, the situation can grow increasingly oppressive to the degree I allow myself to unveil my total nonconformity ... I've seen it happen before ... My parents are zombies of modern marvels, they've wanted to see me put on medication for a very long time because its easier for them psychologically to pigeonhole me as Insane so they don't have to deal with the idea that there are human beings in the world who actively engage their minds with the great mystery of the endless horizon of being instead of consistently trying to close the inward eye from all perception of subtle and spiritual things, etc, etc
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I've found that towing the 'normal' line in terms of dress/demeanor/behavior allows society to give me more leeway. But then again, that's just me. Grew up with abuse issues as well, and I've found that a trustworthy friend's space works great. Best of luck, brother.
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Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law
Reino, I thought JAE's comment was referencing the thought that you might look strange meditating in public rather than whether you non-conform or what modern fashion is appealing.
It takes guts to meditate in public...the first time. If you pick a good location you become somewhat of a fixture in the public eye and people tend to stop talking about you. At least openly.
Know Will Dare and be Silent.93 93/93
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@PainMeridian said
"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law
Reino, I thought JAE's comment was referencing the thought that you might look strange meditating in public rather than whether you non-conform or what modern fashion is appealing.
It takes guts to meditate in public...the first time. If you pick a good location you become somewhat of a fixture in the public eye and people tend to stop talking about you. At least openly.
Know Will Dare and be Silent.93 93/93"
Attracting 'attention' from others isnt meditation. Its a spectacle.
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Just sitting on a park bench is a spectacle?
I wasn't insinuating public meditation as trying to grab anyone's attention. -
@PainMeridian said
"Just sitting on a park bench is a spectacle?
I wasn't insinuating public meditation as trying to grab anyone's attention."Sitting on a park bench is not meditating in public first of all - you are trying to play it down. People dont just sit normally with their eyes closed, they fold hteir legs up, put their back straight, and close their eyes. Its a spectacle. I cant imagine how knowing there are people walking around looking at you will help meditation - in fact I cant imagine how or why you would do this unless you wanted attention.
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Just wear sunglasses, if you are outside. If you are inside, put a book on your lap. Then meditate.
In L.V.X.,
chrys333 -
It depends on what type of meditation one is doing. Mahasatipatthana (or its Advaita type equivalents) for example requires no specific posture or anything like that.
Re. the public thing. In my wild and hairy yoof, I did passing-priest-banishings, Liber Jugorum, Liber Resh, etc., openly and publicly, and with gusto - but then I wasn't doubling up my trouble by dressing "alternative" or anything like that. I guess the sight of a guy cutting his arm with a stiff-backed razor in public, or worshipping the rising sun, while dressed normally, was so cognitively dissonant, peoples' minds just blanked it out
Reino -
My suggestion in a situation with oppressive parents (if they are such) would be that you kowtow to their requirements on the surface - smarten yourself up, get a haircut, etc., whatever they require of you, so they see you as less of a problem, and have you under the microscope less. That will give you more leeway to do practices.
Between the ages of 5 and 13 I had mystical experiences - but I sensed that if I had said to my devoutly Catholic mum and dad "hey mum, dad, I'm God!" I would have gotten into deep trouble. Keep it quiet, keep it secret, until you are able to strike out and live on your own.
i.e., suppose your parents can only stand a certain quantum of "weirdness" from you, it's better (if you are sincere about the practices) that that quantum be filled with accidental glimpses of your practices, rather than arguments about your "individualism", "self-expression", your favourite music, your hairstyle, arguments about religion, politics, etc., etc., etc. Those are all transient, this business is eternal, and well worth forgetting about all the other stuff for a while until you can get out and live on your own. You could cover it up with something that has a modicum of respectability - e.g. say you're doing "Buddhism" or something like that (and of course it's not far from the truth anyway).
Also, though, remember that your parents most probably do love you and only want what's best (in their eyes) for you - be kind to them, and to yourself!
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THE LEOPARD AND THE DEER
*The spots of the leopard are the sunlight in the glade; pursue thou the deer stealthily at thy pleasure. The dappling of the deer is the sunlight in the glade; concealed from the leopard do thou feed at thy pleasure. Resemble all that surroundeth thee; yet be Thyself -and take thy pleasure among the living. This is that which is written-Lurk!-in The Book of The Law.* COMMENTARY 19 is the last Trump, "The Sun', which is the representative of god in the Macrocosm, as the Phallus is in the Microcosm. There is a certain universality and adaptability among its secret power. The chapter is taken from Rudyard Kiplin's "Just So Stories". The Master urges his disciples to a certain holy stealth, a concealment of the real purpose of their lives; in this way making the best of both worlds. This counsels a course of action hardly distinguishable from hypocrisy; but the distinction is obvious to any clear thinker, though not altogether so to Frater P.