Ra Hoor Khuit - Musings and Confessions
-
I'm new to Thelema. I came through Christianity into mysticism and the qabalah. I used to fear and loathe Crowley, but after some personal experiences and some further reading, I've come to understand him more as a Beast with a heart of gold.
I have hated Ra Hoor Khuit, and Crowley, and Thelema... hated this Riddle of Osiris, Equinox, and Horus.
Correction: I hate it still. I HATE this Riddle, for that's what it is.
I hate it because it took this to reveal to me what I am. I hate it because it is so outwardly ugly, yet so inwardly beautful. I hate that it overcomes me and wins. I hate it because it is so incommunicable. I hate that I can't share it with others without triggering in them every projected "Shadowy" fear of Devil, and AntiChrist, and Eternal Damnation that they have ever cried out against in the middle of the night.
If I determine in righteous indignation that Ra Hoor Khuit is the embodiment of evil and must be destroyed utterly, I find myself only echoing his own spirit and words in my call for his destruction. I cannot rise up against him to destroy his image without embodying the archetype that he is.
So, here am I - reluctant, recalcitrant aspirant that I am. The only way I can get any peace is to forget words and teachings and schools of thought altogether. I see in my mind's eye, and it is Beautiful. I try to speak it, and I am become a curse.
Just wondering among brothers on the path... Anybody else ever feel this way?
-
I note that you quote the Gospel of Thomas in your entry (at the bottom), which (and this is the limit of my understanding and research into it) wiki's entry says is very dualistic.
"For Thomas there are only two realms of existence: the material realm and the spiritual realm. The spiritual realm is a blissful reality of goodness, life, and light; it is the "Kingdom of the Father". The material realm is a reality of evil, death, and darkness. From Thomas' point of view, the material world is the world of death ruled over by the Lion (possibly a reference to the lion-headed Yaldabaoth in classically Gnostic literature) and his minions or rulers."
I note this only because you've grabbed onto Thelema which, from my own dealing with it, attempts to elminate the dichotomy between spiritual/material and good/evil. Also I note this because the ruler of the evil material world is the Lion... and enter Crowley stage left...
Perhaps the best advice I can offer is to continue to expand the dialogs going on inside your head by continuing to read new sources, new points of view. Robert Anton Wilson and Timothy Leary are both great writers and have a profoundly positive P.O.V. Maybe give them a try. Or remember your Shakespeare:
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
"Anyway, I've got a range of emotions too and some times it's time to listen to Tool and Rage, and sometimes it's time to listen to Floyd and sometimes the Bloodhound Gang is where it's at.
Hope this helps in some odd way....
-
@gmugmble said
"
We prefer the term "pestilence".
"lol... Quite right. Centers of pestilence it is then...
I guess it's like chemotherapy. You drink a "healing poison." You puke a lot. You're weak a lot. All your hair falls out, and you're miserable.
But in the end, hopefully you're cancer free and otherwise healthy.
"COME quench your thirst with POI----SON...! ICE-COLD POI--SON...! GET YOUR ICE-COLD POISON HERE....! WHAT the world needs is POI---SON...!"
And, yes, that is meant to be more funny than tragic. And, yes, I do have a sick and twisted sense of humor at times.
-
@Frater_AVV said
"You drink a "healing poison." You puke a lot. You're weak a lot..."
...sounds remarkably similar to an ayahuasca trip I once had
616
-
@KRVB MMShCh said
"
@Frater_AVV said
"You drink a "healing poison." You puke a lot. You're weak a lot..."...sounds remarkably similar to an ayahuasca trip I once had
616"
I've read a little about it on Erowid. You're a brave man... lol.
@Scarecrow said
"Anyway, I've got a range of emotions too and some times it's time to listen to Tool and Rage, and sometimes it's time to listen to Floyd and sometimes the Bloodhound Gang is where it's at. "
LOL... Yes. I love me some Tool. "Shine on FOREVER! Shine on Benevolent Sun! "Jambi" is one of the songs that helps me come back to my Center when my head starts spinning and I want to throw up.
Anyway, thanks to all for your responses long or short. Just venting some of this to understanding ears has helped lead me back to lessons already learned and focusing on ...well, the good stuff.