One Bird in Flight

Jim Eshelman

ONE BIRD IN FLIGHT
Z.'.Z.'. Publication in Class W

PRIMANPROPER:

C.I.A. 10=1
www 9=2
N.S.C. 8=3

I.R.S. 7=4 Demonstrator
Ph.D. 6=5 Impostor
K.K.K. 5=6 Cancellations

A glimpse of the structure of the
Great Beige Brotherhood,

Z.'. Z.'.

Possession shall be nine-tenths of the Law!

The Order called S.S. is, in respect of its existence upon the Earth, an organized body of people extinguished among their fellows by the qualities here enumerated. They exist in their own Truth, and dwell in their own Palaces, which is both unicursal and unique.
The order consists of eleven Grades, or degrees, and is numbered as follows. These compose three groups, the Orders of the SS, of Dr. Pepper, and of the D.o.G., respectively.

(WARNING: We are not to be confused with the A.A. We are not one of those twelve-step groups. Easy doesn’t do it. We take several days at a time. In fact, we take it any way we can get it. The name of our Order, in the outer world, is the Zero-Zero. On the inner planes, our initials stand for nothing at all, which is the same meaning after a different manner.)

The Order of the D.o.G.
Probation Officer 0=0
Newphyte 1=10
Zealagator 2=9
Impracticus 3=8
Phosphorus 4=7

(Primatus Liminis – the Missing Link)

The Order of Dr. Pepper
Ineptus Minor 5=6
Ineptus Major 6=5
Ineptus Tax Exemptus 7=4

(’Til Da’ath Do Me ’Part)

The Order of the S.S.
Magister Tabernaculi 8=3
Z.'.Z.'. Top 9=2
Hepissesmuch 10=1

The general characteristics and attributions of these Grades are indicated by their correspondences on the Tree of Life. In summary, they are:

FRESHMAN (or RHINEY). Is subjected to numerous initiations as the High Brethren see fit.

PROBATION OFFICER. His principle business is to entrap such new candidates to the Order as possible, and keep notes on them for one year (which he transmits regularly to his Newphyte). On entrapping 11 new paying members, he advances to

NEWPHYTE. Has to learn to travel efficiently in an Aeroplane, and obtain complete control of a T.V. set.

ZEALAGATOR. His main work is to achieve complete success in Sitting and Breathing. He also begins to study and apply the formula of X.T.C.

IMPRACTICUS. Is expected to continue his study of the T.V. and complete his intellectual training by a thorough study of Dr. Strange comics.

PHOSPHORUS. Burning Light of the Order. Quite useful to have along on camping trips. Further expands his devoted study of the T.V., and pays higher dues.

PRIMATUS LIMINIS (The Missing Link). Is expected to expand his study of the T.V. to 20 hours per day such that he Stops Thinking. By these means, and through his own application rather than conferred initiation, he soon becomes

A LITTLE INEPT (without). Is expected to abandon the T.V. and obtain the K. & C. of the H.G.A. (Kissing & Cuddling of the Hermosa Girlscout Association).

INEPTUS MINOR (within). As a result of these practices, undertakes a Magical Retirement for seven years, as a guest of the State of California, and receives initiation in the Averse (or, as some say, Reverse) Formula of the Golden Rod. [Footnote: As it is written: “Thou shalt fall upon thy knees in the morning and in the evening and in the morning again, and thou shalt scream the agony of the slain at my coming. And thou shalt call me Earl.”]

INEPTUS MAJOR. Studies the Illuminatus trilogy, though without comprehension.

INEPTUS TAX EXEMPTUS. Buys a Universal Life Church ordination and non-profit church charter. He then either (a) goes back to jail, goes directly to jail, does not pass Go, does not collect $200; (b) takes a ride on the Reading; or (c) advances to Boardwalk, which I own with a hotel. He must therefore mortgage all his possessions, even his Holy Guardian Angel, and sit there “’Til Da’ath Do Me ’Part.” When he rolls doubles, he is allowed to become a

MAGISTER TABERNACULI and don “the Yarmulke which few dare wear.” He may then preside over circumcisions and hog butcherings.

Z.'.Z.'. TOP. Previously known as “Juggler,” “Pick-Pocket,” and “Liar.” Him boss. [Footnote: Look for a well-dressed man in cheap sunglasses and a pearl necklace, screaming the Word of the Grade, “Gimme all your lovin’.”]

HEPISSESMUCH. Is fed up with all this and beyond salvation. Doesn’t reveal to anyone how far gone he is. Most members of this Grade eventually move to Berkeley, California.

It should be stated that these Grades are not always attained fully nor in strict consecution, nor manifested wholly on all planes. This subject is very difficult, and entirely beyond the limits of my feeble mind to explain before my morning coffee.
Each member is trained to the one habit essential to Z.'.Z.'. Membership: he must stay in communication with those beneath him and report on them regularly to S.S. headquarters. Also, he must keep his dues paid.
No attainment whatsoever is officially recognized by the Z.'.Z.'. unless the immediate inferior of the person in question has also paid HIS dues. The purpose of this schema pyramidis is to inspire the use of Applied Magick and other practical demonstrations on the part of each member with regard to his inferior(s).
The Grades of the Order are fully described in Liber Shevurah vel Barley, sub figurâ DLXXXI. The ample accomplishment of each and every one of the assigned tasks is insisted upon with the most rigorous rigidity.
There is an absolute prohibition for anyone below the Grade of Z.'.Z.'. Top to accept money, sex, or other reward, directly or indirectly, in respect of any service connected with the Order, for personal profit or advantage. The penalty is an immediate hike in dues.
Each member must make it his main work to write his own True Will and Last Testament, and to do this, as our Holy Books say, “Unto Me.”
He must accept The Book of the In-laws as the Word and Letter of Truth [Footnote: The present manifesto was promulgated many years before the clever and popular satire passing itself off as the real Book of the In-laws, which yet contains nothing at all of the Secret Chefs’ sublime recipe for serving humanity, encapsulated in their teaching, “All these old cans of alphabet soup are okay; but Noon is not Death.” Caviar emptor!], and the sole sole Rule of Life. This Volume of the Sacral Law was dictated to the Master 999 by !Who*Vast? (VHVVAST in Hebrew, or in Greek ‘UFAEST) [Footnote: That is, 93=418.], a Great Master of the Inner School disguised as an Indian Wiseman and Crystal Vendor on Venice Beach in year Zero of our promulgation, announcing that One Truth in which all men can concur: “Possession shall be nine-tenths of the Law!” [Footnote: Notwithstanding the self-evident Truth of this our Law, the reigning High Maniac presiding over the Beta-testing of a particular fellowship, has insisted that this is all wrong, and should be: “Possession shall be nine-tenths of the Loa!”]
As is self-evident, the Z.'.Z.'. possesses the secrets of success. It makes no secret of its secret knowledge. To prove this, send us $20.00 and an SASE for our free booklet, The Z.'.Z.'. Method of Financial Success.
This paper has been written not only with the object of attracting individual seekers of the way of Truth, but of affirming the propriety of the methods of the Z.'.Z.'. as the basis for the next great step in the advance of human knowledge.

Love in the raw, love under water.

The Master 999,
also called The Thrice-Holy Choronzon,
or The Beast Who Stands on His Head

9=2 Z.'.Z.'.
[Footnote: Or so far did he tell the Magisteri Tabernaculi.]
XV° O.T.O.
III° F.O.A.C.
375° F. = 191° C., Order of the Secret Chefs

Promulgated on this 7th day of April, 1979 E.V.

Fr. A.U.N.

Possession shall be nine-tenths of the Law!

This is just too good to be true!
I have always knowen that there is a brotherhood of saints to whom I owe all my earthly posessions, and that my dedication and daily adorations of the tv-set have their inner meaning!

Love in the raw, love under water.

OAE

Made my day.

seekinghga

Whoever said that Mr. Eshelman doesn't have a sense of humor?

Persephone

Hilarious! Thanks for posting that.

Middleman

"INEPTUS MAJOR. Studies the Illuminatus trilogy, though without comprehension."

Ahahahah it's funny because it's true.
Thank you sir, may I have another?

Takamba

Beautiful! But I hope you can bear correction.

"Possession is nine points of the law."

definitions.uslegal.com/p/possession-is-nine-points-of-the-law/*

Avshalom Binyamin

there's theological debate over that one...

Takamba

@AvshalomBinyamin said

"there's theological debate over that one..."

hahaha. Leave it to theologists to debate the absurd. It doesn't matter in any case, popular usage is the way Jim has used it, original usage is what I'm pointing to. But I can like the idea that it has to be a debate amongst studiers of religion.

underabloodredsky

ha, ha, ha!
Thanks.

BTW, I love ZZ top!

Frater SOL

my cheeks hurt so bad right now...

729

Uni_Verse

Hmm.. watching TV as a method of thought destruction. Maybe there is something to it!

Seth Rah

LOL

thepuck

I have considered doing a lolcat Liber AL, in the same vein as the lolcat Bible:

"Genesis 1:1 Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.

9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.

11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. An a Corm. It happen.12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weedz.13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.

14 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has lightz in the skiez for splittin day An no day.15 It happen, lights everwear, like christmass, srsly.16 An Ceiling Cat doeth two grate lightz, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.17 An Ceiling Cat screw tehm on skiez, with big nails An stuff, to lite teh Urfs.18 An tehy rulez day An night. Ceiling Cat sawed. Iz good.19 An so teh furth day w00t.

20 An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem.21 An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good.22 An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh.23 An so teh...fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.

24 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, An creepie tings, An otehr aminals. It happen so tehre.25 An Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, An creepies, An otehr animuls, An did not eated tehm.

26 An Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do peeps like uz, becuz we ish teh qte, An let min p0wnz0r becuz tehy has can openers.

27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.

28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.

29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.

31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai. "

Vlad

Can a join

Bereshith

AHAHAHAH...!

Sure, man.

[just ten more...!]

Oh, wait. You gonna be a* paying *member right?