The plague of laziness, stagnation, etc.
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Keep trying.
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Tried to run, tried to hide, break on through to the other side!
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".....I can't manage to shake off this laziness, for lack of a better word. ..."
those above are very good advices.
from my expirience, this moods are just phases and to endure is the only thing one has to do. I connect them to the idea of ATU XVIII and always remember this verse from the BOT:"Let the Illusion of the World pass over thee, unheeded,
as thou goest from the Midnight to
the Morning."what does it mean to endure?
not to judge yourself, just to be an observer.
old diaries destroyed? write about that and continue writing (there is no use of feeling sorry if the thing is already done).
feeling lack of enthisiasm towards practices? do not do them! or choose only one and decide strongly to perform it regulary.
but keep writing of everything that is going on. -
@Blythe A. Blanche said
"Lastly, regarding the whole "one shot per incarnation" when it comes to joining the Great White Brotherhood, of which the A.'. A.'. is Its present manifestation, how is that to be taken in this case, should I not pass on to the Grade of Neophyte?"
I see this 'one shot per incarnation' idea in widely varying schools. If you sit down and really think about it, it is hopelessly flawed. What you carry out of this incarnation is pretty much what you carry into the next so unless one is 'shoulder to the plow' right up to the moment of death there is no reason to expect another viable shot at the gold ring in the next life either. If one hasn't got what it takes to cut the mustard this time around, the only thing that makes sense is to apply oneself in a lifelong effort toward building the 'strength' or whatever is needed to succeed in the next go-round.
Isn't the decision about passing on to a higher grade up to your superiors?
Don't you have an advisor who can guide you through this negative period?
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@Blythe A. Blanche said
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I've reached a point (far too early on, I feel) when I can't manage for the life of me to perform even the most basic practices. I'm lucky to perform one Resh adoration a day, LBRPs are ineffective, and even when I pray/meditate so long and so profoundly that I end up in tears, I can't manage to shake off this laziness, for lack of a better word. I'm not trying to make excuses; I genuinely feel that it is impossible to succeed in my mystical and magical endeavours, at least at present.Has anyone else gone through this stage? Is this a natural part of progress? Is something flawed in my psyche, or soul, or outlook?
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Personally, I'm going through something like this now - the key is to 1. endure, as was already stated, and 2. to try to find out what part of yourself is opposing this progress, and deal with it accordingly.
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While I dont like to make excuses, or to place responsiblity outside of where it belongs I do think that there is something in the air so to speak, something going on that is effecting (or is it affecting? IDK) people, magickally and mundanly.
From my understanding, we are electromagnetic beings of a sort, as well as having chemical bodies. I am not sure how it is in other countries, (I would think in developed countries there would be a similarity) but from what I have seen and heard here in America there is a current underscoring any efforts to clease, purge, clear and align with the natural rythms. I dont mean some sort of planned conspiracy (which may or may not be), I mean that as a result of our past choices as humans, we have "things" in our lives (ie, tv, microwaves, cell, phones, laptops, blenders, refridgerators, water heaters-techonology to make life "easier") that are acting upon us and forcing change in many ways. Our beings which have become acustom to certain patterns are now being confronted with something new. Change is a wonderous thing, but often there are unseen/ unknown results. ie We want to have ice cubes when ever we want, but that means we have to have electric powered machines, (or move to the Artic) which means we have to play the game of life and get a job, and pay taxes. ie we want food that tastes good all year round, but when we GE our tasty pretty food, we loose nutrients and end up filled up on empty foodstuff.
Our beings are bombarded with external forces, in the media we watch, the music we listen to, the books we read, the air we breathe, the waters we drink, and ESP THE FOOD WE EAT. Regardless of the intentions behind these forces, our electromagnetic bodies and our chemical bodies are often times being led astray from what we would consciously choose for our selves. In my teachings as a holisitic practioner I stress how important it is to read the labels of your food, to know what you are eating, where it come from, and what all the ingredients are. I know persoanlly that if I am attempting to live a magickal lifestyle, and be a spiritual being if I am eating junk, my mind and my heart are junk. I cant think clear, nor feel clear. I know that if I am not using my physcial body-through movement, and just sitting here typing, reading, playing video games what ever, my body is again getting junk (and being inundated with the electromagnetic waves/fields of these machines). I know that if I am not outside for a significant period of time each and every day, breathing in the air, feeling the earth beneath me, I am putting up boundaries whihc are not healthy for me. All of these things create boundaries/ walls between the manifest and the unmanifest, between what we are, and what we want/need to be. I need to be strong, and healthy, positive and loving, happy and full of peace and I know instinctively what my being needs, I just have to not only learn to listen but act, on those insticts.
I do believe that the choices we make in what we choose to consume (food, drink, media, music, EVERYTHING we consume in some level) is the single most important factor in our development. You are what you eat, on all levels of being. How do we consume Time? How do we consume Space, How do we consume relationships? All these things ask of us to reflect upon what we are in effect eating, for the wisest saying I know is that You are what you eat. What are you consuming. What are your building blocks? what are you making you, out of?
Being consumers, we also need to concider our waste products. For as we consume, we excrete- again on all levels of being. How do you dispose of your garbage, of your waste? Did you know that your skin is your biggest organ for excreteing? (and how do you clean up your waste, what soap do you use, what agent to rid yourself of your garbage?) What chemicals do you put on your skin, do you wash your clothes and hair with? Do you comsume and excrete consciously, with intent, and focus? Do you throw things away? (where is away, where does it go? in magick we are taught that energy never goes away it just changes form, so what form is the energy in when you are done?)
We are cyclic creatures, and do go through peroid of what I call feasting and famine. Just like this beautiful planet, who goes through the seasons, because of the angle upon which the axis is at. I do believe that humans have this sort of angle as well, and it dictates our own personal seasons in a way. When my biological mother passed over, I could not even think of Gaia, The Mother in any of Her forms with out pain. So I stopped my practice, I focused on consuming other things, mostly just being in this beautiful world, I visited many parks, and waterways, went hiking and camping, went to carnivals and festivals. I trust The Mother more then anything, and knew that I needed time away from Her direct presence.
While some (Abrahamic Salvationist paths) and those who believe in Creation (be it God, gods, angels, or aliens) believe that humans are flawed, are born bad, with sin, with poor dna codes, misprogramming, a bad hard drive I do not. To me that is a vicitm mentality, and in my world there are no vicitms. I played an active part in all aspects of my life, even the horrible. I made agreements, contracts if you will to have everything I have or dont have. You are not flawed, you are just the way you are supposed to be, right now. I truelly understand that if the Great Mother birthed you (or me, or anyone) and saw that you were not right, that you were flawed, that you could not possibly exist without being a burden to Her -She would have done away with you immediately. Mothers make those choices. You are just fine, not flawed by birth. You are loved and cared for.
In my neck of the woods, if you came to me and told me this, I would tell you that you need to get back to your roots, to go discover your true will, to go and be with Her that birthed you.
I have been working an idea around, it is one in which I am wondering: if I am with out expectation- if I except the world for how it is then I am supposed to have peace, and life should be easy. It is through my expectations that life seems hard, or not the way I would like it. But if I have no expectations, if i am just excepting life as what it is, then I seem to lack any motivation to do anything. I can just shrug things off and say, we thats just how it is.
I think though that hving some sort of exceptations is part of being human. I think it is good that animals do not come in my home and pee for example. So i train them to go outside. I expect them to follow the training, and my peace, my ease of life is disturbed if they pee on my rug. I am motivated to change my situation so that I can enjoy peace.
For me, when I ask myself what my expectations are for myself, for my life, what it is that I need.....then I can find healthy motivation to act and become. I think that some times it is ok to let go of expectations, and others it is not. There are many things that go on in the world which I dont like, many things that make me cry, and make me want to change. I see that how I view these "bad" things is key, and that if I can change my perception of them then I will not be upset.I also think though that somethings are evil, and no matter how I twist my brain I will not see the merit in them.
My heart seems to know that there is another way to do things. -
very insightful veronica, a beautiful piece. May I alo add to that something i read in Pete Carrol's books. "Non-Attachment, Non-disinterest" the best way to decribe an ideal attitude toward magical practice. Also the doctor prescribes Laughter!!!!!!!!
lots of it -
Hey! I was just changing my sig line to a quote that fits us much better.....
I am all about laughter, it is the best medicine after all.When I make a wish, (and yes, I do wish on Stars, and pennies, and clovers, and dandelions and candles and when i catch fae) I always wish for for laughter.....
BTW-I forgot to mention never, ever eat anything with "natural flavoring." It can and mostly liekly does mean a form of MSG. I have read some pretty heavy material regarding this food additive. It is more addicting then herion, (ok, this I dont know personally and to any addicts I mean no disrespect to your struggles) and not only makes you want to eat more and more and more of what ever its on (and it is on everything!!) but it changes the way your body produces insulin, and is a toxin for your beautiful brain!! not a pretty picture.
www.truthinlabeling.org/hiddensources.htm
www.msgexposed.com
www.kisswebpage.com/msg -
Are you some kind of Work-a-holic? Maybe you need to join a different AA
There is nothing wrong with taking a few days off.
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Sounds like a negative Saturn transit. PM me with your birth data if you feel so inclined.