Aum Namah Shivayah
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Interesting, I've taken a lot of B vitamins with, quite honestly, no observable affect at all. My OCD is triggered by stress.
I've had it my entire life - I used to be fanatically Christian and deathly afraid of Hell, and would apologize repeatedly after virtually everything I did because it wasn't perfect, and I would keep apologizing and getting even worse because I felt my apologies were imperfect!
The only way out has been through. I am un-medicated except for recreational drugs, and of that, all I do anymore is drink every once in awhile. I have almost zero experience with anything except weed (which made ALL my anxiety problems infinitely worse.)
I'd be very interested in anything you could add about fighting OCD.
Keep in mind, too, that I am supremely Sagittarius with a weak Jupiter that squares Saturn and Neptune - I am very self-critical and intelligent enough that I lose control of it and it turns into panic and OCD. This is in my nature, not something I learned later.
My OCD isn't exactly textbook-typical, though - I mainly lose contrast between my projections, fears, desires, and what is actually going on.
What's sensory retraining?
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@Alrah said
"Yes, that not classic OCD. hmmm. That must be quite difficult for you sometimes, as it sounds like something that significantly interfers with your life."
It is, and it does. I also have more "typical" OCD as well - hypochondriasis and general disease-phobia, but for me, all of the OCD seems to boil down to "Oh shit, if X happens to me, that's bad, and that means that I am unworthy as a person." My greatest fears are always, always irreperable, permanent disfigurement or disablement, but there are a myriad of smaller ones that are related to these.
You should see how I act around people when they tell me they have a cold!
Anyway, though, I've always had trouble describing what was going on in my head - I also have trouble remembering a lot of my past!
(Thankfully, the former is getting easier and easier to do as I get more and more self-aware.)
I don't want to make it sound like I was completely incapable of living a "normal life," but this thread of extremely critical self-analysis, mixed with my very strong imaginative facilities, was ever-present in my life. I am self-aware enough to recognize the haze of self-dispersing everything-criticism that is usually very prominent (although the interpretations of my natal chart helped me understand it much better; much thanks to those on here that gave their two cents
), but working through it has been very hard and full of pitfalls...though I am working through it.@Alrah said
"For instance - some people have a panic reaction to being touched. I recall one man who couldn't bear anyone touching his hands, and some people avoid being hugged like the person offering had the plauge. Or it may involve retraining the area of the brain that produces a disgust reaction to smells or tastes - for instance, in some people the smell of toothpaste combined with a toothbrush in their mouth can cause intense nausea. My youngest daughter has hypersensitive hearing, and she jumps like a cat at loud noises such as hand-dryers in public toilets or a car horn - going into a crouch and slapping her hands over her ears. Low level background 'noise' such as lots of people talking is a problem for some. Spending too long in a echoey environment can cause panic in some people, complete shut down and disorientation in others. Other people have problems with visual stimulie.
If you don't have any type of sensory hypersensitivity, you may still benefit from learning to recognise the signs of when you're going into a panic and then develop a practise you are confident you can implement that will bring you relief. It's very individual as to what form that may take."
I don't know if I have sensory hypersensitivity. What I do know is that I have two poles that I readily fall into: perceptive numbness/apathy, and anxiety-inducing hypersensitivity or hyperawareness of normal sensitivity. (For instance, I may not perceive every single little piece of body language from another person, but what I do perceive may be completely overreacted to.)
"The signs of when I'm going into a panic" are near-constant; any line I drew would be pretty arbitrary, as my anxiety-related processes are more-or-less constantly running. This leads to self-numbing dissociation which I've been prying myself out of for awhile now, to slow but noticeable success. It's like I'm re-training my own brain on how to perceive things, and trying to condition new psychological responses.
My descriptions of my perceptions are self-contradictory a lot of the time; I have a lot of difficulty explaining with precision what goes on, and the descriptions with more rounded edges tend to blur together and such.
I'm finding the most success with almost constantly addressing my varied and contradictory reactions to everything to retrain myself, and then ignoring aspects of my psyche that I can't argue with so that they run out of attention and die off, and acting as though their input is meaningless and has no ability to influence my actions.
(Yes, Jim, I realize this is going off-topic; I'll try to bring the thread back or start a new one if this continues for much longer.)
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A little gem from the Confessions of AC
"OAll insanity depends upon the exacerbation of the ego. The melancholic hugs the delusion that he has committed the unpardonable sin. Sins grow by repression and by brooding upon their enormity. Few people would go to excess if they were not unwholsomely over-excited about their trivial apishness."
Like you, I've known Proustian levels of angst-ridden self-analysis. It took me a while to realize that that was the problem, not the 'problems' I had been agonizing over most of my life.
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"Does anyone else have anything interesting to add about this mantra, or your experience with it?"
Prolonged invokations of Shiva have the effect of breaking down psychic blockages, destroying pre-existing conceptions, and awakening by destructive force. Given your Astrological makeup, it would be good for you (and any Virgo-prominent individual) to focus on destroying that endless self-analysis and incorporating a new foundation into your thought structures. The Virgo (and I'm sure Avshalom will appreciate this), when freed from that nagging self-concern and doubt, is among the most capable signs in the Zodiac. The attention to detail, quest for perfection, well-meaning help of those around them, and the ability to really get to the root of an issue through study and meditation--these character traits (and many others like them) are no small assets. But often the Virgo native must plunge into long periods of self doubt (often documented in a journal), and may end up crippled by feelings of inferiority and neurotic impulses. Nietzche is an excellent example of this (Sun and Mercury in Virgo), and he leaves us an interesting, and at times quite beautiful body of work in testament to this slow derangement of the intellect through self-analysis.
As far as the Mahamantra is concerned (the invokation of Krishna, or creative force), I've experienced wonderful moments of healing and mercy--an inlux of pure love and understanding, at times. Perhaps you may want to couple the two, as corresponding rituals of destruction and reconstruction. That would be a good method of breaking a neurosis, like we were talking about earlier.
Just some thoughts.
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@Ash said
"I've had it my entire life - I used to be fanatically Christian and deathly afraid of Hell, and would apologize repeatedly after virtually everything I did because it wasn't perfect, and I would keep apologizing and getting even worse because I felt my apologies were imperfect!"
Drink vodka."My OCD isn't exactly textbook-typical, though - I mainly lose contrast between my projections, fears, desires, and what is actually going on."
True. I think you should trust yourself more. I think you are alot more intelligent than you think. Have you had elder brothers? -
@Blythe A. Blanche said
"What exactly is the invocation of Krishna? Is it just a short little mantra too, or a full ritual? Would you be able to share it here regardless?"
I spent a number of weeks under the auspices of a Hindu priest, (Brahmin), who I would assist during the Temple rituals. He conducted these rituals of devotion thrice daily, as part of the tradition of his sect (Vaishnava). This was my first actual experience of Ritual Magick, and I learned a great deal about the nature of devotion. As far as I remember, the structue of the ritual was something like this:
First, the Priest would begin by ringing the sacred bell, calling the devotees to kneel before the altar. The altar consisted of a statue of Krishna and his consort Rama, surrounded by pictures of the traditional Saints. A plate of food was laid at the foot of the altar as well as various other elements of communion. The Priest would chant the litanies (in Bengali), while ringing the bell, and after this would light the candle, which was made with a special kind of lard sacred to Krisna (called ghi). This burning fat was to be wafted around one's head. After the litanies, we would sing the sacred songs (accompanied by the Brahmin on harmonium, which he played rather badly I might add), and after this we'd sit in silent meditation for perhaps half an hour. After this, more singing, and then perhaps a yoga session and teaching from the Gita. All the time the sacrament (our morning breakfast) would be sitting, steaming on the altar, and I would try not to look at my morning meal while attending the ritual. Hindu aspirants eat very little on the path to devotion.
The litanies, in the traditional Bengali, sang the praises of Krishna's life and activities, and commemorated his Godhead. I don't remember the other details of the ritual, but in retrospect it was not so different from the forms described in Magick IV, but with Sri Krishna as the focus.
The litanies were quite nice. One that I remember (vaguely), went thus:
Namo brahmaya ditaya go brahmana ditaya cha,
Jagad ditaya Krishnaya govindaya nahma nahmaha.Bless thee Lord Krisna, who maketh the cattle fertile,
From you comes our daily milk; great be your name. -
Thank you for sharing, JPF!
I seem to be pretty strongly drawn toward the Hindu approach, which is interesting considering that I have absolutely no history with Hinduism at all - my attraction to it isn't due to any past experiences with it, unlike my involuntary attraction towards Christianity, which is due more to training and habituation.
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@danica said
"a good youtube video with and about this mantra
www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOX6zM9tvoY&feature=related"Thank you for sharing this! It was really interesting and I noticed a few things that I didn't before.
In particular, the 5-syllable version (omitting Aum) represents the 5 Elements, although I didn't realize how deeply it went:
Namah Shivaya
Na - Earth
Ma - Water
Shi- Fire
Va - Air
Ya - Space (Spirit?)[Maybe the Aum is Spirit? It's probably better to assume Aum is above the elements, I think]
This is explained in the video. However, what is even more interesting if we consider those syllables to be written with Hebrew letters:
Na - I don't have anything to say about this; this is the exception I haven't figured out.
Ma - Mem is water.
Shi - Shin is Fire. (Also spirit, though.)
Va - Vav is Air.
Ya - Yod is the Father. -
@Ash said
"
Ya - Space (Spirit?)
[Maybe the Aum is Spirit? It's probably better to assume Aum is above the elements, I think]
"
Ya is considered as Spirit (Akasha), I think.
and yes, AUM or OM is above the elements - when added here, it constitutes the mantra as 'having six syllables'. which is itself an interesting association... (transforms the Five into the Six, LRP, 5=6,etc)from Wikipedia:
""Na" refers to the Gross Body (annamayakosa), "Ma" refers to the Pranic Body (pranamayakosa), "Shi" or "Chi" refers to the Mental Body (manonmayakosa), "Va" refers to the Intellectual Body (vignanamayakosa) and "Ya" refers to the Blissful Body (anandamayakosa) and "OM" or the "silence" beyond these syllables refers to the Soul or Life within."