Family Obligations and Thelema
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93 guys,
This question is especially for folks here who are Thelemic and at the same time Confucian, Hindu or Muslim, whose families are not Westernized, but it applies to everyone. In today's world, more and more of us become part of the 'sandwich generation' where we have to take care of our kids and elderly family members on an increasingly limited budget. Some U.S. states require us to pay back Medicare or Medicaid for the care of our elderly family members, and a lot of countries have required visitation / financial support laws. For Eastern cultures, this is not a question at all, our parents explicitly tell us that we were born as an investment. They put us through med/law school on restaurant worker and cab driver wages and factor our future incomes into their future care budgets. Although they often pay for your first home, you need let them move in when they are elderly. You have to pay for their long term care insurance. It is also a tradition for us to give our first paycheck as a teen to our father. Rather than independence, we are reared on interdependence. While Confucian and Hindu families might not mind the pagan rituals, hiring help or using a nursing home when an elder has dementia is absolutely out of the question even if it is not your will to clean someone's bedpan daily. Thelema says that we should do what is our will, not our family's will. But in Eastern traditions, a lack of filial piety is the worst act of evil you can commit, beyond any idea of religion or karma. And if your family doesn't live in the West there is no Medicare or Socialized Medicine. Although I work in a field where supporting my family will be financially feasible, I wonder, what about those of us whose will is to be artists or social workers? How do you balance Thelema and filial piety if your will is not to be a doctor, lawyer, banker etc.? What if you have to live in a different country from your parents because of your career? Also, what if you come from an abusive household, how do you balance your distaste for your parent's racist or homophobic attitudes with being filial? Any thoughts or experiences? -
@Lykathea said
"Although I work in a field where supporting my family will be financially feasible, I wonder, what about those of us whose will is to be artists or social workers? How do you balance Thelema and filial piety if your will is not to be a doctor, lawyer, banker etc.? What if you have to live in a different country from your parents because of your career? Also, what if you come from an abusive household, how do you balance your distaste for your parent's racist or homophobic attitudes with being filial? Any thoughts or experiences?"
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.
This is a really tricky concept, imho. In this world, the lowest of them all, there is the need to negotiate how best to go about achieving this ideal. It may not be your true will to scrub floors, but if doing this allows you to feed yourself and pay rent, and thereby achieve a modicum of freedom to function at another level in your life, then who is to say it is wrong?
Looked at as a simple mathematical equation. Will abandoning your responsibilities, as defined by your culture, hurt you more than help you in discovering your true will and devoting yourself to it? Chances are, you will have to pay dearly in terms of emotional anguish and self inflicted guilt. This later could end up being more of a barrier to your destiny than simply figuring out how to do both—fulfill your obligations and still manage to create some kind of freedom and support structures for your true work.
In India, only after a man has fulfilled all the responsibilities of the householder—which are considerable, is he finally allowed to spend the rest of his life seeking liberation. This has the benefit of freeing him from any other responsibilities. It could be argued that he respected the necessity of his incarnation. B contrast, if it was meant for him to live the life of Socrates—a noted slacker in terms of fulfilling social and marital responsibilities—he would have been born into a situation where that choice would have exerted itself an an imperative.
Love and Will
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I know an older couple who live with the wife's elderly mother. The couple doesn't make much money, and the elderly mother has a nice house, but needs a little bit of care and attention. Three times the couple and the mother have started taking each other for granted, fought, and decided to part ways. Each time the universe conspired to bring them back to the original situation.
On the other hand, I know some grown children who remained emotionally close to an abusive parent. And while they remained close, they had health issues and 'bad luck'. When they finally severed that tie, their health and life improved, and they were freer to pursue their true will.
Karma doesn't stop at birth. There's no one right way to handle the situation of your birth. Your lesson may be to fulfill your obligations, or it may be to learn to set a boundary, or it may be another. I can't say.
True Will is simultaneously about what is best for you, and everyone else. It's easy to forget that everyone else has a True Will too. And it's easy to mistake "what's convenient for you" for "what's best for you". Let success be your guide.
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93 Robert,
This is going to sound a bit biased, but could this be the reason why most people who are into Thelema and magick from an early age are from relatively privileged backgrounds where this is not an issue? Could there be an issue of group-based privilege in the occult, although the Law is for All? And since this is an issue of temporal privilege, should we not work to end such privilege, like the original OTO founders fought to end male privilege?
Keep in mind that in historical India, low-caste people's responsibilities never ceased. Only Brahmins could seek liberation in old age, elderly low-caste farmers had no opportunity for retirement.
I've gotten flack from the typical 'arty' Thelemites about being in a certain field because I'm 'so much better' at other things, and for strongly advising my siblings to attend medical or business school because, well, they have no other choice. For my personal situation, I've had 'the retirement planning' talk with Mom and she does not have enough saved for future expenses - partly due to extensive overseas trips to care for her parents. It could be worse - some families we know are in severe debt and factor in contributions of over 100,000 per year from the children into their budget.
Another thought... If we abandon our responsibilities, we will not only harm ourselves, we will harm the wills and lives of those around us, the vectors that have been painstakingly sculpted within a certain context, grown in a worldview that people might see as 'old aeon' but which is no less real than the foundations of life itself.
Some food for thought...
Peace. -
@Lykathea said
"I've gotten flack from the typical 'arty' Thelemites about being in a certain field because I'm 'so much better' at other things, and for strongly advising my siblings to attend medical or business school because, well, they have no other choice."
Here is where I differ. A child should develop on its own terms, for good or ill. While it is good and well to give advice and guidance to a developing being, who are we to determine their Will? Both Eastern and Western traditions are founded on the fallacy that a child requires a "helping hand" in life, which often merely amounts to interference with the child's innate purpose as a spiritual being.
This is not to denigrate the business or medical or whatever fields. Ideally, a child would be raised in an environment sympathetic to its nature. However, this isn't always the case. To induce a child to take a certain course of action for purely financial reasons is folly, as financial stability is usually the least of conditions that determines spiritual progress. How many great spiritual leaders can we name who were stinking rich? Our competitive society drives yearlings towards a modicum of success that is too often at odds with their inner yearnings.
I'll use myself as an example. I grew up in a strict, Christian home. I had every advantage of intelligence and capability, and my parents nursed high hopes for me. I was given an excellent education in a private school, and my father taught me the business of carpentry from an early age. However, for some strange reason, at the 10th grade I lost all interest in school and work, and my parents, afraid that I might be drifting away from my "purpose," began to exert more and more control over every aspect of my life. I was pulled out of school, subjected to a Puritan method of homeschooling, and denied all human contact. The more control they took over my life, the more I met them with rebellion and hatred. They were confronted with a strange paradox: how was it that their child was failing at school, and yet spent all his free time in the study of Plato and Aristotle--subjects my peers couldn't even comprehend?
The answer is that they were trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Instead of cutting me some slack, they determined that they should make me pay rent and work like a dog. By "like a dog" I mean that the summer of my 16th year I spent working 40-60 hours a week doing hard manual labor.
The end result of this was that I "ran away" and spent the ages of 17-22 drifting in and out of homeless beggary. It was the happiest time of my life. Free from outside control, I hitch-hiked across North America and had countless experiences that most people are too afraid to endure. To the dismay of my parents, I had a spirit of adventure that refused to submit to control. And lo and behold, now, approaching my 23rd year, I am a sophomore in college with an excellent GPA, moving steadily towards a degree.
Had I been allowed to chart my own course, a great deal of time and trouble could have been saved on both our parts. As it is today, my parents rufuse to even allow me into their house, as I "refuse to abide by their standards." Such is only a familial example of this "clash of Aeons," as the values of the past are being superceded by the present.
This isn't to advocate dropping out of school and taking up the life of a homeless pilgrim. It may be that one's child or sibling leaves school and spend the rest of their life drinking bad vodka in a gutter--but it isn't our place to meddle with the fate of another being, no matter how dear to us.
"If we abandon our responsibilities, we will not only harm ourselves, we will harm the wills and lives of those around us, the vectors that have been painstakingly sculpted within a certain context, grown in a worldview that people might see as 'old aeon' but which is no less real than the foundations of life itself."
In no spiritual literature, East or West, is it said, "Thou shalt make money."
The monetary system is a hopelessly flawed construct of mankind's greed and thirst for gain. However, it is imperative that we work within this system, and this is unfortunate. But let us not be under the delusion that a society founded on the basis of capital and monetary exchange has any basis as the "foundation of life itself."
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93,
FWIW - A passage from Magick Without Tears (Chapter LII - Family: Public Enemy No. 1):
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In your last letter you mention "family pressure." Horrid word, family! Its very etymology accuses it of servility and stagnation.Latin, famulus, a servant; Oscan, Faamat, he dwells.
It almost deserves the treatment it gets in that disreputable near-Limerick:
Three was a young lady named Emily
Who was not understood by her femily,
She acted so rummily,
The head of the fummily,
Had her matched with a greyhound from Wem-b-iley.They feared she would breed a facsimile—
Bring utter disgrace on the fimilly,
So the head of the fommily,
Read her a homily—
And the devil flew out of the Chim-b-illy!
A word ought to have more respect for itself!Then, think what horrid images it evokes from the mind. Not only Victorian; wherever the family has been strong, it has always been an engine of tyranny. Weak members or weak neighbours: it is the mob spirit crushing genius, or overwhelming opposition by brute arithmetic. Of course, one must be of good family to do anything much that is worth doing; but what is one to say when the question of the Great Work is posed?
Bless you, the whole strength of the family is based on the fact that it cares for the family only: therefore its magical formula thus concentrated is of necessity hostile to so exclusively individual an aim as Initiation.
Its sentiments are reciprocated.
In every Magical, or similar system, it is invariably the first condition which the Aspirant must fulfill: he must once and for all and for ever put his family outside his magical circle.
Even the Gospels insist clearly and weightily on this.
Christ himself (i.e. whoever is meant by this name in this passage) callously disowns his mother and his brethren (Luke VIII, 19). And he repeatedly makes discipleship contingent on the total renunciation of all family ties. He would not even allow a man to attend his father's funeral!
Is the magical tradition less rigid?
Not on your life!...*
It's funny when Crowley uses Christ to push a point home...I think it means he feels really strongly about the point he's making?Love is the law, love under will.
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93,
Just wanted to double-post because I'm bored at my job.
@Lykathea said
"Another thought... If we abandon our responsibilities, we will not only harm ourselves, we will harm the wills and lives of those around us, the vectors that have been painstakingly sculpted within a certain context, grown in a worldview that people might see as 'old aeon' but which is no less real than the foundations of life itself. "
@IASVN said
"
In no spiritual literature, East or West, is it said, "Thou shalt make money."The monetary system is a hopelessly flawed construct of mankind's greed and thirst for gain. However, it is imperative that we work within this system, and this is unfortunate. But let us not be under the delusion that a society founded on the basis of capital and monetary exchange has any basis as the "foundation of life itself.""
This is an excellent point. Just to go a bit further, I think that the monetary system (as we know it now) is just part of an evolution of trading goods and services, sort of along the train of thought in The Wealth of Nations. That is, I think this current system serves its purpose, as some denizens of the world can (seemingly) only work under first and second psychological circuit threats, in order to be "productive" (wage-earning) members of society. I don't believe it is antiquated (yet) or only a construct of man's greed. I think that those points could be considered an appeal to emotion like most of the arguments (for or against) the family, our economic system, etc.
But, I wholeheartedly agree that it could never be the "foundation of life itself", which is completely obscurum per obscurius. I have no idea what that the "foundation of life itself" even refers to. A biological impetus to move around and do our will? A discovered foundation for this?
I really enjoy all the points made by everybody on this thread, though. Like I said, just bored at work and stirring the pot a bit.
Love is the law, love under will.
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93,
@Idiosyncratic said
"So What would u choose?"
When it's my choice, I choose Perfect Elasticity in perception and bias.
*Bind nothing! Let there be no difference made among you between any one thing & any other thing; for thereby there cometh hurt.
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Its just difficult to remember what my choice is sometimes...Love is the law, love under will.
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To IASVN: How many spiritual leaders do we have that did not come from at least some privilege? Buddha was a prince first before he became a beggar. This is not about high hopes. It is about ensuring the basic physical needs of people who depend upon you out of necessity.
"But, I wholeheartedly agree that it could never be the "foundation of life itself", which is completely obscurum per obscurius. I have no idea what that the "foundation of life itself" even refers to. A biological impetus to move around and do our will? A discovered foundation for this?
"This statement does not refer to money or capitalism. When I speak of the foundation of life itself, I speak of the Social Contract and the Confucian laws of relationship and reciprocity, the blueprint of which is in the family plan and the idea of lifelong mutuality between family members.
I'm not talking about "teen/youth rebellion" or "propriety", but financial abandonment. Being a pedophile into bestiality is even more moral than abandoning one's parents in the Eastern worldview. If one's siblings do not go into such work, then the parents suffer.
"And there are peeps who say: "stuff it" - and try and screw as much life and fun as is in the living.
"Think of the karma incurred by this action when elderly, frail parents starve. If they die, then the blood is on the rightful caretaker's hands. The same fate may befall the rebellious youth in a later stage, whether it be in this incarnation or another. Part of attainment is about neutralizing karmas so that one is no longer dragged down into yet another incarnation.
"Tzu-yu asked about being filial. The Master said, ‘Nowadays for a man to be filial means no more than that he is able to provide his parents with food. Even hounds and horses are, in some way, provided with food. If a
man shows no reverence, where is the difference?’ " -
93,
@Lykathea said
"This statement does not refer to money or capitalism. When I speak of the foundation of life itself, I speak of the Social Contract and the Confucian laws of relationship and reciprocity, the blueprint of which is in the family plan and the idea of lifelong mutuality between family members. "
I understand what you mean now. I think this way of thinking can lead to a slippery slope of cultural tendencies becoming a moralistic dogma. Another psychological pattern that is rooted in an appeal to authority (Confucianism, Social Contracts, etc.). It is hardly a foundation of life itself, but a "recorded" history of behavior patterns and unconfirmed theories that can ulitmately inhibit one's True Will, if taken as "truth"...
If subscribing to a categorial imperative (or any derivative thereof) is your will...then by all means. However, I find it difficult that any theory of morality or ethics should be applied to everyone as an objective reality -- however "well-meaning and warm-hearted" it sounds. Disguised benevolence can be another slippery slope into making people unfit to care for themselves. The only psychological model that I find truly liberating (which doesn't seem to set yourself against yourself) is:
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
This presupposes that everything else will take care of itself, when we truly care for our own needs and issues. If elderly parents are an issue, or any other example, it can definitely be an extension of a fear of death in one's self, or possibly the whole idea of death in general, or even possibly a developing superiority complex, etc. In other words, it can turn into a sort of mental slavery. I understand that my comments may strike at the ingrained emotional/intellectual constructs (that humans have developed) in a seemingly aggressive way.
All of this is only an opinion. You, of course, are welcome to yours.
Love is the law, love under will.
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Lykathea ,
I think there is a personal equation at work for each of us, and it involves the collision of soul and life situation. The later includes all the forces of inherited culture and the so-called accidents of ones life, or Karma. The soul on the other hand brings its own tendencies with it.
A person who is predisposed to take his responsibilities lightly, for all or any of the above reasons, will not need Thelema or the injunction to "do what thou wilt" to help them abandon any and all traditional responsibilities. And despite all expectations of ones environment, it's possible for the tendencies of the incarnated soul, alone, to override any consideration. This person may then be viewed as a pariah in more traditional cultures, but that will change nothing—they will do what they will do.
For someone else, the equation will imply another course of action. I don't think there can be any thing right or wrong about any of the possible ways to negotiate these things. The world is changing, but it hasn't totally changed to something other just yet, so I am going to assume some people will be better off fulfilling their cultural responsibilities, and others not. There is no hard and fast rule.
Love and Will