26 December (Hadit) Liber CCXX, 2:46-47
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(v.112) 46. Dost thou fail? Art thou sorry? Is fear in thine heart?
(v. 113) 47. Where I am these are not. -
Apologies. I forgot I hadn't posted this yet today.
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@CCXX said
"(v.112) 46. Dost thou fail? Art thou sorry? Is fear in thine heart?
(v. 113) 47. Where I am these are not."The Prophet’s reaction to v. 45 was apparently sorrowful. "Fail" here means "fall short." It is, thus, identical with "sin." Such "failure" is necessarily associated with fear and grief, which balk the Will. Frater P. is now to be shown that his are mistaken reactions, i.e., that they do not reflect right knowledge of what is so. Furthermore, weakness, sorrow, and fear are emotions that draw one away from the “I am” (Hadit).
My meditation of the day, then, is the witnessing of those places where the personality reacts to impressions of failure, insufficiency, falling short, and to withdraw them from the short-term perspective - witnessing them in a longer-term perspective. (You didn't NOT get somewhere until the journey is done!)
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Perfect verses for me today. I've took a little vacation last week and thought that I'd get more done. There have been and still are a lot of To Do items with the family and the holidays which complicates this, but I got a little out of whack not being in my "routine". I feel that I could've done more and been more consistent. My family is a great training ground for the other deficiencies in myself and some of those buttons were being lit up as well. It got to a point where I had to lay down and surrender. In this, and other shortcomings, I felt failure, I felt sorrow, I felt a loss and a lack.
One thing I've read is that the Light casts a shadow and in the misunderstanding and misinterpretation of the shadow (as it isn't illuminated) and/or in hiding from something in it I can lose touch with what the True Light actually is. In feeling these emotions of sorrow and failure so heavily I can then deduce that there is a misalignment in my direction. In the surrender, to a degree, I found that those feelings of failure started to slowly change and become acceptance. Not an acceptance of stagnance, but one in which I have to accept that I don't have control (a continual lesson for me). I'm still working along these lines and I don't even know what being totally "aligned" is, but at least I'm given instruction on what it isn't!
I thought I had a handle on things, slipped and fell, got upset, and now I'm laying on the floor thinking that this isn't the first or last time and I should have a grand laugh at myself
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@Jim Eshelman said
"You didn't NOT get somewhere until the journey is done!"
This is very encouraging. I continually find that the seemingly most simple statements require the most thought to grasp at any thread of understanding.
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Being honest with myself, I acknowledge that there are often situations when I feel inadequate to the task before me (or worse -- to the task I've just finished). I feel sorrow, regret, fear -- all those things that Hadit despises and condemns to death.
The practice I am seeking is one which enables me to "attune to the God within" and dispel these shadows of doubt and anxiety. Today, let me redouble my aspiration, rekindle that faint, fresh fire, to put on the wings of ecstasy and invoke the light of Hadit.
[Lately I am reading Dorothy Maclean, whose style is very New Agey, full of rainbows and butterflies so to speak, and entirely different in flavor from the edgy, brusque voice of Liber Legis chapter II, with it's "tinge as of blood." but the underlying (or overlighting) theme of her message -- her word or formula, if I may call it that -- is attunement to the God within.]