My dilemma with Thelema
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I originally got into the occult and specifically the AA because of my interest with Magick. I've spent a lot of time studying the material and doing my daily practices.
But this last year, I've spent most of my energy exploring meditation. Specifically exploring the sacred space of the heart and the kundalini energies. I feel like I am learning so much more about the nature of reality and the process of creation just via meditation - more so than I have with any of the work I've done in studying the order.
In fact, I've completely stopped doing ritual magick because I understand how to manifest the things I want just through meditation while exploring the vibrational states of unconditional love & gratitude. I'm at a point where I'm no longer interested in manifestation, but just understanding and connecting with my true self. I feel like my meditation will take me to this place if I keep it up.
I'm no longer sure where Thelema fits in with my path any more. I get the impression that studying the material is only slowing me down instead of just focussing on my meditations.
Has anyone had an experience like this? Is it premature for me to abandon my path to just focus on meditation instead at this point? I know Crowley strongly advocates Yoga along this path. It seems like Crowley saw yoga as a complement to his system. I'm seeing it as an alternative. I would love to hear some of your perspectives on this!
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This is very close to what I've been going through, and I believe the answer depends on your path and the soul makeup of your incarnation.
The A.'.A.'. is a specific method of attainment that works in a very specific way for a specific type of person. People come to spirituality expressing different qualities, with each path possessing a specific character that resonates or doesn't resonate. The egoic part of ourselves needs nourishment and Answers, even if the underlying process of transformation has no inherent need for one intellectually comprehensible outward expression.
What you've said seems to be very true - once you realize that the path of Magick, at its core, is a journey toward mastering the art of vibration, there is no real need to rigorously follow one map - your HGA, or true self, can appear and resonate in anything (and obviously everything, eventually). (Unless your deepest Will wishes to express itself through one map - I think it depends on your Work and what the universe requires of you. If your Work in this incarnation is something like death work, or interacting shamanically with specific Powers in the unseen world, there is value to "looking under the hood" of the kundalini and meditation process, connecting with a specific tradition.)
There are inherent advantages to the Thelema, its inner planes egregore and outward available support systems being two of the most notable.
I've wrestled with the same thing as you for years now. Crowley's system is amazing. In fact, to me, any legit magickal school (such as the newly inaugurated Quareia) is amazing. I found myself last year within days of submitting a student exam to an A.'.A.'. lineage. But something has always held me back from affiliating officially. I love its philosophy and methods, but my subconscious has always resisted the symbolism of the Tarot. That felt weird. I can do basic divination, but the symbols themselves haven't made themselves alive inside me (at least in their outward forms). Every time I do A.'.A.'. practices, it feels as if I'm forcing myself on my Beloved, who wants to express itself in a different way.
I practiced yoga for years, and even that way of meditation has been mostly closed off to me. At this stage, with the slightest pranayama I often go into a terrible, spiritually congested depression. This is my nervous system telling me I have to purify things in a different way.
Learning how to vibrate seems to me to be the centerpiece of all Magick. My personal symbol system is turning out to be musical composition, with certain facets of Kabbalah as signposts. It is hugely inspired by Crowley, yoga, and other streams (check out the writings of Omraam Mikhail Aivanhov for a slightly less antinomian blending of Kabbalah, Yoga, and Magic), with its own inner connections. It's been a terrifying, confused, lonely ride, but I believe worth it.
See if there is some aspect of your life that you can use in the same way as ritual magic - drawing divinity into the world with your whole being.
The central tenet that's helped me navigate has been Crowley's Brotherhood of Light. This seems to be core to all (at least many) of the Western systems worth their salt - each legit school seems to be an outward manifestation of this inner fellowship. And it appears that they can work without outward affiliation. The thing to watch out for if you are doing any magic is to make sure you know which beings you contact. I tried to go at it from the standpoint of generic, depersonalized Divinity, and found myself overrun with parasites all the time. For me I needed an element of naive, Sunday School-like faith, as well as specific Names to assist me in the unfolding process (faces of the HGA). This could change but is definitely the case now.
I apologize for this rambling post. Regardless, I offer sincere wishes that your unfoldment leads to the perfection of your Love and your Will, as well as assurance that you aren't alone in your questioning.
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" There is no law beyond Do what thou wilt."
Following the A.'.A.'. system does not make you a Thelemite, aiming to discover and carry out your true will does.
I think if something works better for you, and you feel you are getting somewhere with it then you should continue to practice it. You might find it a complete alternative, you might find you can only run so far with it; either way, it will be a learning experience.
I have recently been reading The Magickal union of East and West by Gregory Peters, the book is about yoga- the philosophy and practice, and it's realationship with Thelema, you might want to check it out. He compares specific experiences in the A.'.A.'. system with experiences within the yogic system and draws comparisons. I believe he was also a student of Soror Meral.
I usually hate reading about yoga, but I am enjoying his book so far.
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"":24bqw82v]I originally got into the occult and specifically the AA because of my interest with Magick. I've spent a lot of time studying the material and doing my daily practices.
But this last year, I've spent most of my energy exploring meditation. Specifically exploring the sacred space of the heart and the kundalini energies. I feel like I am learning so much more about the nature of reality and the process of creation just via meditation - more so than I have with any of the work I've done in studying the order.
In fact, I've completely stopped doing ritual magick because I understand how to manifest the things I want just through meditation while exploring the vibrational states of unconditional love & gratitude. I'm at a point where I'm no longer interested in manifestation, but just understanding and connecting with my true self. I feel like my meditation will take me to this place if I keep it up.
I'm no longer sure where Thelema fits in with my path any more. I get the impression that studying the material is only slowing me down instead of just focussing on my meditations.
Has anyone had an experience like this? Is it premature for me to abandon my path to just focus on meditation instead at this point? I know Crowley strongly advocates Yoga along this path. It seems like Crowley saw yoga as a complement to his system. I'm seeing it as an alternative. I would love to hear some of your perspectives on this!"
Hi [V],
I have been down that road...
...feeling the AA grade work is somewhat holdind me back and I was inspired to dedicate my time and energy more to the mystical side of things...but......but there is also a mysical part of things to magickal rituals, espacially after the 5°6□, imo.
Not a lot of structure and guidance is needed after K&C of the HGA has been attained, however.
I maitain that the AA grade work can and indeed does add to the overall progress but is not absolutelly recquired.
inri
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I think, it is important to say that the AA system is not only concerned with personal attainment. Another important aspect is preparing the aspirant to teach others by whatever means appeal to them.
For me, Thelema is an umbrella, first semblence of Order upon swirling Chaos
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Well said, Uni_Verse.
inri
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Thanks for the thoughtful replies. Shortly after posting this, I decided to give my ritual work another shot after my meditation. I was surprised when I spontaneously understood an even deeper meaning behind "Heruraha" than I had previously understood. This inspired me to keep my AA work closer. Perhaps I was a bit premature to think the AA no longer serves me.
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