I see several fallacies in your assumptions. One is the "Love all" fallacy, a very common one, it having been the official policy of many slave states, not just Christian ones, up to their present devolvement into secular, welfare states, continuing what is necessary for their survival: the production of nations of fools.
In classical times, the general view of virtue, as I understand it, was that while to be too cruel was a vice, so too was to be too kind. Either was an imbalance that would lead to destruction. Then along came the Christians, peddling to the slaves of a cruel empire a fantasy of Universal Love. Thou Shalt Love All, was the advice, and thou shalt get a nice Christmas present. Or something. Of course, this didn't convince those who ran the states as it cannot work on the problems of state, but it is attractive for slaves who have nothing else; and the rulers then had to manage the situation. It wasn't until Augustine, or the Augustinian texts, whoever wrote or rewrote them, that a sort of working compromise was made between theory and practice. Love all, and do what thou will, except you may wage war only on the enemies of the state and you must do so when we tell you to because it is the will of the Compassionate Lamb of God. It was the responsibility of the prince to issue the licence for war and the bishops of the creed of compassion to give it the stamp of Holy War. And the theologians made a pretty penny pretending to explain it.
Class, therefore, was fundamental to the arrangement. At the bottom could be built false communities based on state necessity, not on genuine love; and the conflicts that genuine love inevitably produces could be suppressed. On the top, the ruling classes had only to pretend to believe, and to help cultivate the fantasy. And, there being a sort of balance in it, it all worked about as well as could be expected.
But it was a lie. If one truly practices universal love, if one inflames oneself in prayer, one finds that to love all is to love nothing. One might cavil and say "nothing in particular" but in practice there is little difference. Love is no longer a guide to action. One must seek a different compass. Similarly, charity is a lie if one takes it to the logical extreme. If all is one, then one is all there is, one is all there ever has been and one is all there ever will be. How can it ever change? And what is the point of trying? So why go on? Oh woe is the lot of man!
The problem is addressed in the prophet's skrying of the fourth aethyr:
“O Night, that givest suck from thy paps to sorcery, and theft, and rape, and gluttony, and murder, and tyranny, and to the nameless Horror, cover us, cover us, cover us from the Rod of Destiny; for Cosmos must come, and the balance be set up where there was no need of balance, because there was no injustice, but only truth. But when the balances are equal, scale matched with scale, then will Chaos return.”
As a mortal creature of a finite space and time, one does not love all in any meaningful sense. As it is also written: She is lone & far. Most people don't know or care what goes on beyond their own, little lives but still find it sufficiently meaningful to go on. And what do we know even of neighbouring solar systems, let alone the vastness of the body of space? One's own world, whatever that is, however big that is, is not the infinite. And living in a limited world, one has what one might call "natural" tendencies. Do you really care for those kittens that the mad cat-lady irresponsibly bred up? And what is the difference between having them killed at the local pound and a five-year-old smashing the neighbour's cat's head in with a hammer because he didn't like it? These are judgements for which there is no certain rule but which experience teaches us how to deal with. And, as the doctrine has it, it is only when the balance in one's finite world is achieved does "Chaos" return.
Meanwhile, imbalance towards the side of compassion inevitably leads to instability. Peace is the mother of war and continually pushing the populace towards false compassion leads to an exhaustion of love and there is inevitably a flip to the opposite. Christian, and other compassion-exploiting societies, therefore lurch from one extreme to the other, from stultifying stagnation to war, as a natural result of their flawed, business model.
Another fallacy in your assumptions is the related "Restricted love" fallacy. You see painful situations in the world and you want them gone. If it was a burr in your shoe there would be no problem. It is small, your arm has the strength to remove it, no-one else is involved and you do it. The pain is gone and the matter is resolved. There is no significant division of will or limitation to your act of responsibility towards the maintainance of your own body. You have removed the misplaced article in your sphere of agency and there is none to say nay.
Similarly, there is a garbage tip on the edge of town with thousands of tons of toxic rubbish that has been irresponsibly dumped by selfish, short-sighted people. Their solution is to tell you that because you love your fellow man, because you have a high sense of responsibility, you should go down there and deal with it. You think that if only the virtuous could join together, like Dumas' Three Musketeers (a sort of solidarity that A.C. admired), the problem could be dealt with. But, of course, one soon finds that most people aren't virtuous fighters, willing to fight together to destroy evil in the land; and, indeed, that very few people are. One has to learn to live with that which one cannot change. As it is written: the Lord hardened pharaoh's heart. One can learn to live with at least some toxin dumps. The world doesn't have to be all woolly and white.
There is an economy of love in the world and to give one's love less than whole-heartedly is to mis-place it. Many are the Lying Spirits who will demand your love, telling you that it is right and proper that they be the beneficiary of your compassion — but if your love for them is limited, it is wrong! And you will pay for it! And those who truly deserve it will miss out! Many are the ways to waste your love but strait is the path towards true balance. And, as it is written, the chief of the Lying Spirits is the mild and compassionate Lamb. It will lead you off the path. It will ruthlessly maul you with its guilt-inducing, toxic, soft, little teeth. Its servants will look at you with their mild, lying eyes and proceed to chew you up in the name of love and kindness and compassion and responsibility. They will spit you out and have the next victim haul your carcass off to the garbage dump. Beware the Lamb, who deceives even the very elect!
It might be apparent by now that I don't believe that A. A. stands for Agony Aunt. Your problems are your own and you must work them out for yourself. However, I will point out, regarding ordeals, that you are not a Master and are not expected to act as one. There are mysteries, such as that of the fourth aethyr, that you cannot understand and one of the mercies of a graded system is that you are not expected to do so. And there are many other responsibilities that it would be only hubris to believe are yours. But, today at least, I believe that it has been my responsibility to point this out to you.