@mojorisin44 said
"I have not worked through any Grades with any specific Order or System. I am trying to ground myself properly and do some self testing to make sure that I'm up for it. Part of that process has made me ask the questions here on the board and to myself. By chance I came across a site www.speechinthesilence.com that has some podcasts with various lectures and other items. Dr. Shoemaker of COT in Northern California has some interesting things to say here and its good to hear that these concerns are felt by others."
I was thinking about the advice that the Dr. gave on Living Thelema when I read the top of the thread. To echo others , initiations can put us through growth or we can be confronted by things within ourselves which can make our family relations more strained. A personal example: I started to grow and had to start addressing my codependency with my partner.
My recommendation, especially if your mate isn't involved in a similar process, is to talk to them and share what you are going through. Of course, some of it may not be appropriate to share in complete fullness. To learn to hold a secret, to not become lost in detail, and share the wisdom behind an initiation is the point, as I see it, to going through with one.