College of Thelema: Thelemic Education

Thank you, everyone, for your responses and your fresh perspectives. This has been a major bother and a hindrance to any kind of serious progression for years now. It's fairly pathetic that I need reassurance, as a magician (especially one into Thelema) is expected to be bold and fearless. Crowley was on the money in regards to Doubt.

93,

Some years ago, before I even knew about proper Magick, Mysticism, or Crowley et al, I was very interested in the topic of "astral projection" or "out-of-body experiences." To me, this was a means to prove to myself that consciousness could exist apart from the physical body and satisfy my desire to know that we could survive death in some manner.

As an adolescent, I had discovered I could produce interesting effects by lying completely still and attempting to reduce awareness of my physical body as much as possible. I thought I could feel another body which I assumed to be my spirit or soul (which folks around here obviously would refer to as the Body of Light).

After years of playing around with this phenomenon in bed at night and reading some books on astral travel techniques, I thought I would get serious about it and attempt to "get out" and explore my bedroom and perhaps just the house at first.

I had a few mild successes of what I thought was "astral vision" of my room. On one occasion, after "getting out," I first heard a child speaking to me followed by some very ferocious, bestial sounding roaring which scared the hell out of me and prompted quick return to normal consciousness.

I was put off by that experience for a while and turned my attention to other things. I was into Zen Buddhism at the time and one night I had just read something that left me feeling particularly serene. I had a profound feeling that everything was right in the universe, that the universe was a self-correcting organism, and that everything was proceeding exactly as it should.

For whatever reason, I had the impulse to attempt an astral projection while in this state. However, what resulted was something completely unexpected. In my mind's eye, I saw a bright light, not unlike staring at the sun, I felt absolute bliss, stronger than anything I had ever felt emotionally, and I felt that my individuality was melting into this light and feeling. I assumed that I was dying, began to panic, jumped out of the bed and ran into my housemate's room and proceeded to act like a raving lunatic, which I'm sure was entertaining.

Of course, some time later I got a copy of Crowley's Book 4, read the section on yoga and was able to determine what it was that I had experienced.

"One of the simplest forms of Dhyana may be called "the Sun." The sun is seen (as it were) by itself, not by an observer; and although the physical eye cannot behold the sun, one is compelled to make the statement that this "Sun" is far more brilliant than the sun of nature. The whole thing takes place on a higher level."

My practice of attempting to astrally project had actually been a crude yoga practice. This is probably highly unorthodox, but it is my story.

Anyway, my predicament is that I would like to further my yoga practice, but the initial trauma of the experience has left me with a fear of the ego-death that accompanies that state. I have a fear of not returning to normal consciousness. I was wondering if anyone on the forum has dealt with this problem.

Thanks

93/93

93,

Hello, folks. Let's get straight to business with a brief life history with regards to spiritual practice.

I grew up attending Catholic school from 1st to 12th grade, though I was not a bonafide Catholic (no baptism etc.) While I ended up rejecting many of the assertions of Christianity, in retrospect it was a very useful experience. From there, I dabbled in LaVey's Satanism, Wicca, Asatru, and Buddhism before stumbling on some of Crowley's work.

Shortly thereafter I got myself a copy of Liber AL. After a few years of study and practice in magick, I began to have serious doubts about the authorship of The Book of the Law, or at least whether the source of the book had humanity's best interest in mind (largely due to the 3rd chapter).

I decided to see what other "channeled" material had to say. I ended up becoming very absorbed in the "Law of One" series of books, primarily due to the superficial Egyptian symbolism and some similarities of philosophy put forth by Liber AL. I still find information from these books to hold some value to me.

Sadly, due to gullibility and cessation of healthy skepticism (or are they the same thing?), searching for further material resulted in myself being swallowed by the realm of paranoid UFO cults (well one in particular). I was drawn in by reasonable claims and information that "jived" with other sources I had read.

After about a year or so of declining mental health, my wife was able to piece together a strong and convincing argument that the dominant member of the group I was affiliated with was a con artist and most likely a certifiable sociopath.

After crawling out of the hellish pit I allowed myself to be dragged into, I was left with a deep depression and a spiteful, nihilistic viewpoint. Six months or so of that proved to be enough for myself and those around me and so I decided enough was enough and went back to familiar territory, revisiting Buddhism. I was quickly reminded why I had been dissatisfied with it in the first place.

I am ashamed of my failures, but I am glad for them, as they have made me stronger and wiser.

So the other day, while playing around with a deck of Tarot cards, I felt the old familiar enthusiasm towards learning their secrets, which lead to me thumbing through one of my books on the Kabbalah, which reminded me of days past practicing basic rituals like the LBRP and the Middle Pillar, which reminded me of the Star Ruby, which inspired me to pick up Book 4 again, and while researching a reference, found a post on this forum. I was impressed and humbled by the knowledge I found here.

A long story made short, I am ready to pick up the reins again and get the hell on with a system that makes sense and produces results, and with these results, certainty and joy.

I look forward to being a part of this community.

93/93