College of Thelema: Thelemic Education

I appreciate all of the replies. Thankyou. I don't know much at this point. I get a lot of the intellectual concepts as I have said, I have "read" quite a bit. But of course this work is not about reading, and I know that much. I guess i have to start somewhere.

So I am at the point of either making the decision to take it seriously and putting the books down, or not at all, hence my questions purpose, which was sort of a hang up in my mind. I feel I need structure, and need a teacher, any advice as to where to search? I live in Tampa, FL area. There are some of these meetup.com groups, but that is all i have found through internet searches.

Protagonist, that may be a bit of a paradox.. You may want to think of what you have been through, and how you are still standing, some might have opted out. I am looking at this as something that will make me stronger, and also if i can make it through some of what I have endured, I might just have enough discipline and will to take this journey further. Hindsight is 20/20 and it is peculiar how i even became interested in occult studies, a few years back i would have scoffed at the idea. But now i feel like i am supposed to move forward.

I am new to the board, and Thelema. So this question may seem a bit odd, However..

I have been reading several books on qabalah, as well as other esoteric studies which of course, though the philosphies may differ from one school of thought to another, there has been a common "warning" that many of the authors prescribe to.

I at a very early age was diagnosed with a mood disorder, bipolar. I have been on medication for years, and have been stable for years. Nothing out of the ordinary as far as episodes (the doctor thought i might have been misdiagnosed at one point, due to the consistency of my stabililaztion) But I still do take it and I am fine.

Anyways, everyone says that magick, or deep meditation, yoga, etc will make matters worse. Is this assuming some suicidal depressed person will dabble and make matters worse, or are they speaking of chemical changes, what are the thoughts of those here?

Thanks