93 my friends.
When it comes to internet based communities and social networks I have a tendency to write overly lengthy topics and replies. (Being someone who eventually would like to pursue a career as a writer, I suppose this is second nature.)
This topic is no exception, I can't blame anyone who would skip over reading something so massive from someone they are not familiar with. But if you feel so inclined to hear about how I came to be so infatuated with Occult practices, some of my own self constructed forms of Magick that I devised prior to studying any Occult Science or Magick Arts, and otherwise hear a condensed biography from another who partakes in the various hidden, abstract realms so often ridiculed by modern society. Then by all means, read on, and hopefully you'll find something of interest.
My experience with Magick goes back around 8 years.
When I first started I knew very little of the actual Occult world, and despite not reading up on it, the little I heard of it caused me to simply write it off as superstitious nonsense, such was my view of Religion at that point as well, seeing as I was an Atheist.
Some 8 years ago I decided to experiment, and construct my own practices to utilize on the off chance such would be possible. The construction for my system simply was based upon (in my eyes) the "most possible" method for utilizing one's mind (and perhaps untapped subtle abilities) to cause actual change within the tangible world. I considered such practices to be literal "Mind over Matter" techniques.
Prior to this, I had recently began smoking Marijuana for the first time, and immediately took to it. It seemed to once again open my mind up to possibilities I long since decided were irrational.
I would frequently make use of Marijuana when utilizing my own personal form of "Magick," as it caused very detailed closed eye visuals, which upon proper concentration could be changed into whatever image I so desired.
I had a specific, yet seemingly impossible goal to meet someone I had long since lost contact with, an "old crush" so to speak.
Thus the majority of my Magick was composed of bringing myself into a strong trance state using Marijuana, then visualizing very clearly the person I so desired far, far off in the distance, with a number of things in the way. I would then systematically "destroy" or "remove" each obstacle (which represented some logical boundary which was in the way of my meeting her.) with each obstacle deleted, I would view the ground drawing her ever closer to me, until eventually all that was in our way was removed, and she and I were side by side.
All of this was charged with a great deal of emotional potency.
I would perform this "ritual," and a few variations around once daily for the duration of around 2-3 months.
During this time I would also search sites such as Myspace in hopes of coming across her.
This is already getting quite lengthy, so I'll say, as many of you expected, I again reestablished contact with her. I discover she'd moved to Florida numerous years back, and had never returned to her home town of New Jersey...
Then sure enough, shortly after we regained contact, something occurred, and she made her way to New Jersey where she was planning on living.
Though we remain friends to this day, we never dated (quite fortunately on my behalf, as she's quite a "man eater" in many regards, otherwise a good friend provided she's not your Girlfriend.) This alone has proven to me that Magick, and other such practices are very real, very potent, and bring about very real possibilities.
As time passed and I continuously began to consider more and more possibilities, I began developing a Metaphysical system with one of it's founding concepts being what I termed "Polarities," (as later I'd read about things similar, very much like Duality, only slightly more "Charged") complete opposites, and their potential to be utilized together, so that through alternation, combination, negation, one can follow a hidden path that exists between the two, one is able to reach profound understandings and new levels of being.
This coupled with a number of other concepts developed, some based in Psychology, some slightly Spiritual, others dealing with Microcosm/Macrocosm and interrelations of reality as a whole, along with a strong distrust of our and any form of Government.
This eventually resulted in my psyche being greatly unhinged to the point I was dwelling within a realm that would have doubtless been labeled "Mad" by most of society, and later on I indeed completely lost it.
However, the time spent within this personal "Paradigm" was again, another testament to the powers the human is capable of tapping into. As during the few days I lasted before going completely over the edge resulted in having some form of Pre-Cognitive abilities. Often I would know what friends and other people were going to say only by hearing the first few words out of their mouths, and was overall profoundly in tune with all consciousness around me.
But as mentioned, I eventually completely snapped, and lost so much of what I obtained after certain unfortunate circumstances arose.
Anyhow, months later, as my mind again returned from completely delusional in all the wrong ways. I began studying various Religious Holy Books, as well as actual books on Magick, I started with The Golden Dawn, then began Reading some of Crowley's works, starting with Liber AL vel Legis, Chaos Magick, and the many works of Austin Osman Spare.
Though I practiced various Hermetic Techniques, it was Chaos Magick that I first made most use of. Upon reading Austin Osman Spare's works, I felt so much in common with him, noticing many similarities between my past conceptions of Magick, and his own. And after reading a very well put together Biography on Crowley, found in him a personal hero.
Despite this being a very great period of learning about the various worlds within Occultism and Magick, I made a major mistake that I've heard many do when first starting with "learned Magick," and that was no longer to utilize the very fluid, techniques and understandings that seemed to naturally just come one, rather I sacrificed this in favor of nearly following the casting of Sigils and other Magickal practices so rigidly the very "Art" of Magick had become lost, and I simply strictly adhered toward others believes. Needless to say this period of time, though advanced my understanding of Occult Practices, was met with only the most mediocre of results.
However that was quite some time ago, after that brief phase of emulation, a much broader understanding of Magick was reached and integrated into my own personal understandings.
Though currently not an Official member of any Order, I have a select few people new to Magick who look to me as a mentor on the subject.
This I find encouraging.
Now, I feel my long time training as a solitary practitioner, though quite eye opening, has reached it's finest point.
Now I plan on joining Crowley's OTO as a Minerval degree, and eventually aspire to experience that which is in the inner order.
In addition I've decided to join this particular Forum to further aid in my progressing within the Art of Magick. And make the acquittance of a number of people who share a similar interest as me.
So for those who've taken the time to read this massive post, cheers! 93!
