College of Thelema: Thelemic Education

From the perspective of someone who has little experience in Thelema but some experience in thinking about this... yes and no.

Yes in that what is at our core drives our feelings and interpretations of the world around us whether we're being self- and other-destructive, or self- and other-productive.

No, in that the core -- like many traits -- is not fixed. Passion in the wrong context or used in the wrong ways can be destructive, and anger in the right context or in the right ways can be productive. Representative of someone's intention and identity or not. Whether the emotion is real or honest or not doesn't matter at all. Kind of like how I see some people causing damage with their emotions and think that part of themselves that's otherwise fine is just not in a good place at the time or being turned to healthy ends.

Maybe useful, maybe not. Hope I at least didn't waste your time.

Sorry for the late response. I thought I'd take some time to collect my thoughts, because I wasn't sure what to say at first. I'm still not, but I appreciate the time everyone took to respond and thought it would be polite to at least update. Either way, I've decided to do a little more reading and see what opens up.

@Patrick Ossoski said

"Maybe. What I'd like to point out about this is that's common enough for people to be pretty sure that they're not afraid of death, yet when faced with it they find out they are. (I'm talking from experience.) This is similar to people who first try out meditation and think they have a pretty calm and ordered mind, but if they persist they find out that they had just not peeled enough layers yet; when they do, they discover that noisy, chaotic mind they were expected to have, just like everyone else has at first.

Secondly, even if you are genuinely and wholly unafraid of death (leaving aside the fact that word can mean so many things), that being an "advanced" aspect doesn't mean every aspect of you is as advanced. Everybody has their own tendencies, things they are naturally better at than others, things they're underdeveloped at compared to others. You get the idea."

I've never been in a near-death situation, but I see many people who talk about being afraid of the day they die or afraid of growing old.I'm sure I'd react in some way if I were on my deathbed or staring down the barrel of a gun, though. I understand it logically but not emotionally from where I'm standing.

Still, I don't know how to use advice or markers that have been designed for people who are dissimilar in their approaches and preferences... especially because I can't just skip ahead entirely. I can forge my own way, but I'm not sure if I'm building problems or progress for myself. I can effectively teach myself something like a new language, which I don't think is the same.

@Sardonyx said

"Well, I was never interested in magic. I was interested in mysticism. It just happens to be the same reality, and I found that I eventually needed the rituals to keep all my own stuff together.

Personally, I see you standing on the Threshold of the Mysteries, asking all the usual questions, and that's normal.

The thing is, the unpredictable element isn't the stuff, it's you.

You'll never arrive at enough knowledge where it won't require daring.

But it has to be up to you because there is definitely danger and trial.

That's why there's no persuasion coming your way."

I can't even explain how true this is.

It's not the thought of trials that makes me uncomfortable, it's the danger. And it's not necessarily conventional ideas of danger, it's the idea of what might come from that danger: irreversible damage, harm to the ones I love, loss of self.

I knew someone who hurt himself quite badly with his work, and maybe that's where part of my fear comes from. The rest of it... couldn't tell you if I wanted to.

Not necessarily looking for persuasion, but outside experiences and opinions. Sometimes I start to think in circles.

@Gnosomai Emauton said

"The real question you have to ask yourself is: Are you the sort of person who will be lead down a path without your consent or are you the sort of person who can lead yourself through the swamp to discover the pearl?"

I'm the kind of person who might tear off into the swamp for very little reason and get eaten by a carnivorous plant because I was too curious not to poke it with a stick.

I'm feeling a little lost, and I'm hoping you can clear up some of my (mis)conceptions about Thelema and what can be done with it.

Thelema is something I'm still interested in months after my initial post. I'm continuously finding my way back to things discussing the concept of a great work or a true will, if not the texts themselves. And I still think that what I read is valuable, but not something I'm living or know how to live - or if I should. It's only half because I've had so much else on my plate.

I often read through the threads here to hearten myself, and while some of it resonates some of it is strange and something in me is saying that I shouldn't take it to heart. I read a thread here discussing the concept of loss and death, for example, and was surprised to see that it was talked about as something "advanced" to not be afraid of when I’m most certainly not advanced and yet not afraid of death. Maybe we're thinking of different things.

I'm drawn to developing myself, but I see talk of enlightenment, growing beyond the life I know, and losing attachment to it, and that does make me afraid. Not because I wouldn't care about the latest gadgets and fads so much as not caring about what's going on around me and who I'm interacting with. That I'd only love my rituals, my magick, and my private studies, existing among people but not existing with them. An exaggeration, maybe, but hopefully you see where I'm going with this. I have seen people say they pretty much stopped caring about everything else.

When I look at the concept of being an accomplished magician, Thelemite, or what-have-you and then look back at people around me I feel like I'd be leaving where the real magic is and making myself poorer for it. Intuitively, I want to walk towards everything alive and feel empowered and joyous for it, not more material, less spiritual, or less a part of everyone and everything around me. Mess and all. To date nothing has made me feel or taught me as much as the people I've met and the experiences I've had in private away from the occult where things are simply spiritual.

I feel like I can do so much more good for others in the thick of it than living beyond it, too. And if I'm not happy and you're not happy when I'm way out there, why go?

I'd like to be involved in some kind of serious study because I feel as though I'm not doing myself right on a spiritual level right now because I'm unfocused, but I'm afraid of where these systems and these people are going to lead me as far as my own path goes. If it's not right, then why do I keep coming back? If it's right then why do I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a precipice every time I come near?

I don't want to ruminate on this endlessly (I've been known to), so I'm sorry if I’m not quite clear. I can answer more if asked.

I’ve been lurking for awhile, but thought I’d say hello (finally!). I’ve been hearing of Thelema since middle school, but I never took to it until I started reading about it recently near the end of my college days. I guess I was too busy worrying about other areas of life even though I was always very interested in spiritual matters, and although I initially had a teacher of sorts he passed away. That created a complicated mess on the topic of religion, spirituality, and everything else.

Hmm, what's important to say? I've never fit in with the "culture" of any religions I've come across, so I've never done much formal studying or practice.

The way Magick is talked about doesn't make me desire it at all, but it seems inseparable from Thelema and many other paths. I look forward to it with resignation as a sort of means to an end if I encounter it. I was obsessed with the idea of it once upon a time, but I think everything I want, like connection, better use of my own capabilities, and the ability to make positive impact, can be found elsewhere. Things like ritual and meditation at least feel like they have meaning in and of themselves. Maybe I'm not looking at it right?

I'm not really a social creature and don't think I want a new teacher - but who knows down the road? Having resolved my emotional issues on the topic, I don't feel like there's nothing to be learned remembering the old. I learn plenty on my own, from observing, and from interacting with everyone and everything around me. I've had a lot of uncomfortable experiences with my dreams, but when I am recording them they tend to be useful. Most recently I solved the nightmares that were plaguing me throughout my teens and earlier adulthood by talking to an old man who told me that all those things were inside of me. He gave me advice for how to live with them in a marriage-like arrangement, and boom!

Never been one to fit in a box, so I'm not sure how long I'll stay or how much I'll benefit from study. I grew up in a Christian family and went to a religious school for the first few years, but refused to play along, caused trouble, got screamed at, and got my siblings and I voluntarily removed by our parents. If I couldn't be indoctrinated as a five-year-old, what hope do you lot have now?

Still, it's a way forward for now, and that's unusual enough to warrant reading into.