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I’ve been lurking for awhile, but thought I’d say hello (finally!). I’ve been hearing of Thelema since middle school, but I never took to it until I started reading about it recently near the end of my college days. I guess I was too busy worrying about other areas of life even though I was always very interested in spiritual matters, and although I initially had a teacher of sorts he passed away. That created a complicated mess on the topic of religion, spirituality, and everything else.
Hmm, what's important to say? I've never fit in with the "culture" of any religions I've come across, so I've never done much formal studying or practice.
The way Magick is talked about doesn't make me desire it at all, but it seems inseparable from Thelema and many other paths. I look forward to it with resignation as a sort of means to an end if I encounter it. I was obsessed with the idea of it once upon a time, but I think everything I want, like connection, better use of my own capabilities, and the ability to make positive impact, can be found elsewhere. Things like ritual and meditation at least feel like they have meaning in and of themselves. Maybe I'm not looking at it right?
I'm not really a social creature and don't think I want a new teacher - but who knows down the road? Having resolved my emotional issues on the topic, I don't feel like there's nothing to be learned remembering the old. I learn plenty on my own, from observing, and from interacting with everyone and everything around me. I've had a lot of uncomfortable experiences with my dreams, but when I am recording them they tend to be useful. Most recently I solved the nightmares that were plaguing me throughout my teens and earlier adulthood by talking to an old man who told me that all those things were inside of me. He gave me advice for how to live with them in a marriage-like arrangement, and boom!
Never been one to fit in a box, so I'm not sure how long I'll stay or how much I'll benefit from study. I grew up in a Christian family and went to a religious school for the first few years, but refused to play along, caused trouble, got screamed at, and got my siblings and I voluntarily removed by our parents. If I couldn't be indoctrinated as a five-year-old, what hope do you lot have now?
Still, it's a way forward for now, and that's unusual enough to warrant reading into.
thank you for sharing!