Stymied
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As the dust clears from the year and a half of debate about the real existence of spiritual phenomena, I find myself feeling somewhat stymied.
There was a time where I wanted to make all of this psychological - Knowledge and Conversation and all - so that the more educated public could grasp it and participate without fear. But then, you know, you experience some things that won't let it be merely psychological phenomena. You have to add in the word "spiritual" to really describe both the psychic interconnection of individuals as well as the ...temporal manifestations of it that transcend the usual limits imagined for the human mind.
From a psychological level, I can imagine and have experienced it in a way that could be described psychologically as the integration of all portions of the brain, personified into a presence with which one may communicate. And if that's all it was, it would still be the production of a genius within the human mind.
I was not at all, however, expecting the "link" that occurs with the minds of other individuals and with humanity as a whole, nor with various collective functional aspects, or "spirits," within this collective mind. Learning to deal (ha!) with this one aspect alone has taken years, and is still in progress.
The fact that older brothers and sisters also describe communication with their Angels as at times being in communication with some form of ascended master type beings seems only to serve to push the experiential reality further away from those who might be willing to accept such ideas on an individual, psychological level.
And so I find myself at somewhat of a loss in that those who disparage the interconnected, spiritual aspects of what I've experienced have seemingly greater opportunity and license to speak to those more educated souls I originally sought to be able to speak to myself. But I can't and won't deny my own experiences in this regard, even though I really didn't expect them to ever occur as they did. In their eyes, it places me back in the category of the "superstitious and supernatural" that they are intent on "progressing beyond."
I think that's why the arguments of those who have recently been silenced carries so much irresistible emotional gravity - because that's precisely the frustrating damned bit of it all.
In the end, I can only take comfort in the thought that, well, at least I in myself have achieved the experiential knowledge I sought the truth of for so long. But I am at a renewed loss of how to present it to minds that I formerly considered apparently ready and worthy. The pool of such minds has become much smaller once again, and I have all but given up anything but occasionally stumbling across an individual who is actually ready and worthy of what I have discovered.
I can't stand the thought of being a half-truth speaking faker, but it seems that's about as much as most people are willing to entertain.
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In short, I guess you'd say that I believe that the human mind is fully capable of such a holistic, personified organization as the HGA, but I have to add that this organization also has an unexpectedly collective element, being connected to all minds that are or have ever been as well as to the inherent, pure potentialities (intelligences, elements, spirits) of mind, both individually and collectively.
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You seem to be equating "half-truth speaking" with "lying." Maybe I can help with that.
First, the truth doesn't fit in language. It's impossible =- impossible! - to speak the whole truth in human language. So you're off the hook. You gotta do like everybody else and make the best of it that you can.
Second, as a general rule of communication, you have to talk to people in their own terms and in language and concepts they're willing to hear. That means that you might say the same thing 12 different ways to 12 different people. That's not deception - it's effective communication.
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What actions are you taking to teach people?
(I'm authentically interested and asking from a place of support and contribution)
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I appreciate the interest, and you did make me think about it, but that gets into a long counseling-type conversation that I'd rather not have publicly.
I will tell you the thoughts I ended up having:
It occults itself.
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. -
In Adlerian psychology, it is observed that most ego defense is based on conditional statements that can be phrased as, "I am (only) significant when..."
If we are secure and not too concerned about our ego, it is not too difficult to spot these beliefs and start to let go of them.
"I am significant when I am scientifically correct" might be one for a person.
But it can be difficult to have our beliefs confronted directly. We can think it's too serious (or fragile) to be threatened.
Sometimes it works better to learn to treat ourselves and others as significant without conditions.
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@Uni_Verse said
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@Avshalom Binyamin said
"Sometimes it works better to learn to treat ourselves and others as significant without conditions."I feel this is an important enough idea that I wished to highlight it."
So do i.
And one may be forced to do anyway. At some point it will have to happen.
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Well, there are two main factors with which I struggle no matter who I'm talking to or where I speak my mind.
The first has to do with a deep desire to pass on what I've learned. It's in my nature to study these things and want to teach others what I've learned from my seeking. Whether others approve or not, it's central to my nature. It's just my make up. I'm one of those.
The second has also to do with something that has become part and parcel with who I am and how I experience life. Whether it's "merely" my psychology, or whether it is actual psychic (soul-level) sensitivity, I get "feedback" on just about everything I say, every time I do speak my mind. And so even though I personally can accept for myself that there may be twelve different ways of saying something to twelve different people and that this is not "deception," I always seem to have to face the "accusers" and "testers," inwardly, who dispute the perspective from which I spoke.
The experience is precisely that of nothing (no speech) ever being good enough, and it has ground me down, leaving me wondering what the whole point is of feeling like I have anything worthy or beneficial to say in the first place. What's the point of trying at all if at every turn, every thought may be contradicted, and I must burn through the hell of being made to eat every word of effort expended to say anything worthy or beneficial?
The only thing I can do is stand on the fact of the ability of every thought being able to be contradicted and say, "in this instance, thus have I been moved to speak for this voice within me for which I must speak." ...while being forced to admit the opposite perspective as well, and thus ultimately feeling as if the voice for which I feel moved to speak has nothing of absolute value to say.
And if that's true, then I might as well just shut up and consider that which I have felt to be my whole purpose in existing as a fart of emotion better passed in silence. And then, why do I exist?
It begins to feel like a game that I'm trying to win, yet... I've begun to feel that way for so long, I have begun to resent the game and reject any desire it attempt to even play, much less win.
There is no need for my assistance. There is no need for my voice. It's an illusion.
So what to do but pay the bills and seek escape from the futility of playing?
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35 years ago this month, I was admitted a Probationer and took a motto expressive of how I saw the centerpiece of my life at that point. It was a Latin phrase meaning, "I learn & I teach." (It took a quarter of a century for me to get all the layers of the Latin joke.)
Some times it's easier. Some times it's harder. But I can tell this is your long game, not just a quick gig. Patience might help.
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About the biggest insight so far...
You know... Why my Lord Initiator, why so harsh? And then much reflection on learning the rules. And then, "but now at least you understand."
But that understanding is no real joy, but more of an inner acceptance of "the wrong of the beginning,"
All this emphasis on being "correct"... What nonsense.
Better to allow a contented man his illusions and his peaceful dreams, full of error and nonsense. Send me only the discomforted and malcontent, desperate for whatever peace that understanding a difficult truth may bring.
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(Saturn conjunct natal Mercury, and Mars close enough for Horseshoes.)
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@Aion said
"There is no need for my assistance. There is no need for my voice. It's an illusion.
So what to do but pay the bills and seek escape from the futility of playing?"
Oh most doubtful one! You want "certainty"? Your Prophet says otherwise:
"Doubt thyself. Doubt even if thou doubtest thyself. Doubt all. Doubt even if thou doubtest all. It seems sometimes as if beneath all conscious doubt there lay some deepest certainty. Kill it! Kill the snake!
The best part about lecturing others, is that I often find that I have learned something too. That quote spoke to me. My mind is often in doubt, looking for certainty. I must kill it. Kill it by staying aware.
I'm having some doubts here about "this and that", but I'm most happy about it.
Peace
PS.
There is no such thing as an perfect complying audience. Sometimes we have to admit our own ignorance, acknowledging that we simply don't know, instead of pretending that we have all the answers. I see everything as a test, a test of my own ability to transcend and master whatever the experience life throws at me. I simply at will invoke a cheerful mode and say:
"The darkness of Self-piety begone! Now that the sunshine of laughter has arrived!"
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@Aion said
"Postcards to mySelf."
One way or another, the above is how I felt under these stars. The link has expired, but you get the idea, I think.
That night, I went to sleep and had the most amazing two dreams - right up there with only a handful of others had during my whole life. My unconscious mind truly does "get me." It understands the story I've given it, and it made some very interesting things quite clear to me. I hate to be a tease like this, but I'll keep the contents to myself. They were quite personal.
I know I have a flare for drama. It's in my Moon in Pisces, or at least that's what I blame. And you are correct, Hawk, in that there will always be those who accuse an idea along with those who benefit from it. Jim's productivity and its varied response has been a testament in that direction over the years, I know.
There is a part of me that seems to always wish that She would just smile and smile and smile upon my work - one unified pleasant response. But she is submissive entirely to Chaos, and thus there will always be the mockers in her "hair" as* LXV *suggests.
I Will to Love Her, and that requires Strength. But I confess I am not yet perfect in that, and sometimes the way I deal with it is through self-expression in the moment.
Thanks for everyone's responses.