Honesty in Ritual
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You do not have to shout or speak it loudly. Using Resh as an example, sometimes I scream out the words. Other times it is a soft whisper and there are instances where I do not say anything at all. I stand there in silence, straight as an arrow.
It appears to me that you are concentrating too much on the ritual itself and not on what it is meant to express. Also, take into consideration this:
Though Crowley may have written Resh, you make it your own in the way you perform it. You are undergoing a process of taking something outside of you, bringing it inward and transmuteing it into part of your self. An expression of Love under Will.
Blah, that last part did not come out as I wanted it to.
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I'll take a shot at your question from another perspective... as much as I understand it...
Because of my background, I spent a whole lot of time reading and thinking and meditating - but not doing ritual. The godforms and symbols intimidated me, and I wanted nothing to do with them until I understood exactly what was going on and what their purpose was.
I never understood the *why * until *after *I had some really crazy imbalanced experiences from my seriously long, one-sided approach. All that stuff about "volatilizing the fixed" is completely real and physiological. I had absolutely no way to categorize, understand, or control the quickly shifting emotions nor all the changes in thought and level of consciousness that were occurring. At about 3 o'clock in the morning on my third night of being completely wide awake, friends took me both to the hospital, thinking I'd had a stroke, and then the behavioral clinic after the MRI turned out okay.
The godforms and rituals create categories for understanding and techniques for stimulation and balanced control. There is a time for mystical devotion, and there is a time for practicing discipline of emotion.
In other words, it's not all about experiencing love. Sometimes it's about controlling and restraining it, shaping it, focusing it in the desired manner: Love *under *Will.
My recommendation - press on. Do both: impress those forms and symbols on your subconscious AND seek authenticity.
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Thanks. For whatever reason, I believe that somehow I must have used power unwisely and dangerously. Each time I do ritual work, my life falls apart,and I can't continue. Some crisis occurs that uses up all my time, attention, money, etc.
So, glad to hear about your theory of balance. My totem animal is the tortoise. Slow, awkward, timid, but persevering.
In L.V.X.,
chrys333 -
Uni-Verse, actually, that last part was was the more helpful. It makes sense to me. Thank you.
@Frater LR said
"The godforms and rituals create categories for understanding and techniques for stimulation and balanced control. There is a time for mystical devotion, and there is a time for practicing discipline of emotion.
In other words, it's not all about experiencing love. Sometimes it's about controlling and restraining it, shaping it, focusing it in the desired manner: Love *under *Will.
My recommendation - press on. Do both: impress those forms and symbols on your subconscious AND seek authenticity."
Thanks for the reminder and the advice. I suspect that I am not doing enough mystical devotion- or getting enough LOVE- these days, so I seem to naturally be wanting to express it in my daily rituals, which I guess is not exactly what they are meant for. I feel much more inclined toward things like taking long pastoral walks in the forest right now than ritual.
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"Thanks. For whatever reason, I believe that somehow I must have used power unwisely and dangerously. Each time I do ritual work, my life falls apart,and I can't continue. Some crisis occurs that uses up all my time, attention, money, etc.
So, glad to hear about your theory of balance. My totem animal is the tortoise. Slow, awkward, timid, but persevering. "Ehhh... you remind me of the other side of that too, I guess.
The rituals stimulate and activate the subconscious as well. But, I guess I'd have to say that as long as we're going to be poking around in the depths of our minds, the best way to do it is in a fashion that ultimately leads to balance and control. I wasn't even ever performing a banishing ritual when all that went down.
A wise lady from the B.O.T.A. once told me that doing the work can be like getting your spine adjusted at a chiropractor. Adjusting it can inflame the joints and hurt at first, especially if it's really out of whack, but ultimately it leads to greater comfort and a return to the maximum range of motion.
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Thanks. That was helpful. Yet, Thelema says to go to the furthest reaches of everything to find that balance. Like the Tree of Life, you only find the middle path, when you really know where the two opposites are. I find it remarkable the depths to which Thelemites go to delve to find bottom. Does it have to do with the lack of fear, as Froclown said?
In L.V.X.,
chrys333
About Balance:
"And it was a man, a Chinese man, and he was stacking these things, not with glue, not with anything. And I asked him how is it possible to do this? And he said, well, I guess with everything in life, there's a place of balance." Amy Tam, TED talks.
www.ted.com/talks/amy_tan_on_creativity.html -
@Chris Hanlon said
"Thanks. That was helpful. Yet, Thelema says to go to the furthest reaches of everything to find that balance. Like the Tree of Life, you only find the middle path, when you really know where the two opposites are. I find it remarkable the depths to which Thelemites go to delve to find bottom. Does it have to do with the lack of fear, as Froclown said?"
Well, I hope this is considered to be at the level of a discussion because I'm still figuring all this out as well. The sincerity and depth of your questions makes me nervous about my ability to answer. This is my take...
Regarding finding balance, I simply mean that no aspects of the psyche can be left unaccounted for without later discovering the necessity of their inclusion. I have always been taught to be one of those "mercy is the only answer" types. When all that repressed psychic material came up, it was ugly, vicious, and cruel. I believe you were around when some of that spilled over onto this forum. If nothing else, I have discovered that (at least on the psychological level) the characters of the rituals give archetypes for understanding all those forces within my own psyche and their relationship to one another. Before, I had only Jesus and the devil, so there was only "nice" vs "evil" as opposed to Chesed balanced by Geburah.
Me personally? I don't have the desire to experience extreme everything. Must I really experience extreme drug addiction and conquer it? No thanks. Cigarettes were/are difficult enough. Must I really contort my temperament to have every sexual experience imaginable? No thanks. I just don't care to. I look at it as if none of these experiences are barred to me, and I may experience any extreme I wish to experience so long as I am willing to bear the karma.
According to Regardie in his biography of Crowley, when Regardie showed up on Crowley's door, Crowley's first instruction to him was to go out and have every sexual experience imaginable - to let nothing hinder him. Regardie promptly did no such thing. I think he turned out okay anyway.
But if Regardie had been the kind of man either who had secretly wanted to fulfill such desires (but had never yet given in) or if he had been the kind of man who was so sexually repressed as to believe that he actually needed to (in order to remove the mysterious power it had in his psyche), then I'm sure he would have. Maybe we could say that he would have "needed" to do so, and, yes, it would probably require courage.For some people, I think they have a desire to be able to say, "I have experienced and conquered ALL," and they put themselves in extreme situations in order to do so. Crowley was the mountain-climbing type, after all - "Because it's there!" But I don't think that's everyone's path.
Personally, I'd just like to be healthy and strong enough to find my One Thing and do it freely and with power. Toward that end, I'll try to resolve and correct my imbalances, but I won't force myself into situations otherwise completely foreign to my nature.
Does that make sense?
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93 Bryan,
The very first time I made the circle, and did some basic work, I had no doubt about the 'reality' of it. The universe becomes a very different place. There was never a doubt for me that these rituals work or that I was playing games, not because I 'believe' they 'work' or anything about honesty, but because they are tied directly to the structure of the universe/reality via symbolic correspondences of motions, signs, symbols, and vibrations. Do the work, and the results will happen. To quote a tangentially related scene from the Matrix - Commander Lock: Not everyone believes what you do Morpheus. Morpheus: My beliefs do not require them to. Similiar sentiments are echoed in Liber O - do the work, the results will follow, personal beliefs aside. I know there are blinds in the published material which I am trying to fill, but the fundamental frameworks seem to be there for the most part.
There have been instances of practice, where I know I messed up a sign or forgot a procedure, but instead of throwing in the towel and ending, a little voice urges me to carry it through, which I always do. Essentially, I have never had a problem with 'honesty in ritual', or ever for a moment doubted whether or not it was 'real'.
If you sit down and really analyze the elements of say LBRP - where the operator is situated on the intersection of the paths on the tree, the relation of the compass directions and Sephiroth, the symbols and vibrations, follow the chain of correspondences to their Qabalistic roots, the linkage with the structure of how this universe is architected and the ritual becomes startlingly clear, all the way back to the source. Maybe such an analysis will help you.
93 93/93
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Frater LR,
I appreciate your viewpoint and your ability to articulate it. Yes, if it needs to be experienced, it should be. That is when listening to your HGA is really important. Only he/she knows what is important for you to do on your own unique path. It takes courage to make any change. Momentum seems to be a greater force than anything else.
Thanks,
chrys333 -
Here's quote from the glossary of Jung's Memories, Dreams, Reflections just for funzies:
""Mandalas . . . usually appear in situations of psychic confusion and perplexity. The archetype thereby constellated represents a pattern of order which, like a psychological "view-finder" marked with a cross or circle divided into four, is superimposed on the psychic chaos so that each content falls into place and the weltering confusion is held together by the protective circle . . . At the same time they are yantras, instruments with whose help the order is brought into being." (originally from Jung, Civilization in Transition)"
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@Bryan said
"What are your experiences with honesty in ritual? Do you ever get repulsed by feelings of play-acting and disingenuousness during ritual? How do you equilibriate the obviously theatrical nature of ritual honest action? What role does your personality and its preferences play in ritual?
AGAPE
Bryan"
"Dismissal before investigation is the height of ignorance" Gandhi. Brace yourself for the opinion of a heretic!
Did you ever consider that even as a "Thelemite" Ceremonial Magick may not be ideally suited to your personality type? Personality plays a big role in ritual as it is intrinsic to every single action we do, directly proportionally to it's complexity. 
Life experience predisposes us towards one methodology over another, as Uni-verse would say "There is only one verse sung in infinite ways"