Nephilim
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Posted something similar to this in another thread, but what the heck.
38 yr old male, freelance artist - my wife and I paint collectible and wargaming hobby miniatures, live in Utah, 3 cats.
Been reading Crowley and others since I was 15 (understanding very little for quite a few years, obviously) but doing little else than reading, for the most part. Toyed with practices (LBRP, etc.) off and on, but never found the right discipline to stick with it.
Collected occult books like they were baseball cards, for the ill-defined and unknown "future" when I might actually try them out.
Recognized some definite personal truths in LHP books and organizations, but never signed up, joined, etc.
Fortuitous circumstances made a copy of Jim's book available, and something clicked - maybe it was the first time really realizing what Scientific Illuminism meant for me at this time of my life - I'm not sure what my attraction is, but it's undeniably there, and has been for so many fracking years, that I thought I should give this intuition another opportunity.
At this point, I consider myself an almost dogmatic materialist/realist, and that's the result of a progressive personality shift that leaves me unsatisfied. I seem to have this deep desire/need to experience something ineffable, something that would convince me that we are more than just meat.
I do my very best to 'believe' nothing. Not sure if that's helping me or hindering me.
Assembled the student syllabus list, started reading and re-reading, and now trying to figure out how to stick to the work without distraction and/or discouragement.
The premise of attainable, verifiable results attracts me, but I can't honestly say if I'll follow through - I want to (Will to?) but only time will tell if I do.
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Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.