Rituals for reconnecting to sexual desire
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After a long period of celibacy I am with someone again who I am very happy with and feel serious toward. But I find myself unable to perform sexually at times. There is a complete disconnect between my mind and body. When I do the Middle Pillar and reach Shaddai El Chai, for example, I don’t feel anything energy-wise around my muladhara chakra. It’s very odd given that I have quit smoking for over 3 months, work out every day, and otherwise look and feel like a million dollars. I strongly want this relationship to work, but do not want to resort to Viagra.
Can anyone recommend for magickal rituals for fully and emotionally reconnecting with libidinal energy? It might be worth noting that I went through some devastating experiences and entered into "survival" mode by shutting down emotionally right before the long period of celibacy. I feel the person I am with now is a gift from Horus and I strongly wish to make this relationship work out.
Also, looking over column 811 in 776 ½, do I need to focus on path 9 or 14 to dissolve the energy blockage?
Any feedback appreciated.
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First, I'm not sure a ritual is the way to go - at first.
As a caveat, let me add that there are probably a lot of different ways to go, including some that may be perfect for you that don't occur to me - so consider this just chit-chat.
If the energy isn't moving, I suggest the most direct ways to get it moving. I'm speaking of things like masturbating while exposing yourself to whatever historically has turned you on the most. Just to manifest the energy, "go gross" - plain and simple.
Once the energy is moving, the Middle Pillar is a good way to pull it down and, yes, another dedicated ceremony could be a great idea. I think you should focus on Yesod (Line 9). If you feel you need an earthy, phallic, animal intensification, do a little with Path 26 as well.
The basic practical test of your situation, though, is whether you spontaneously get morning erections. If you do, then all the wiring is still connected. If not, then there may actually be a medical issue. (How's your blood pressure BTW? Any medications that you take regularly?)
Oh, and let it be OK that nothing is happening - as long as that's what's (not) happening. Nothing impedes that more predicatbly than performance expectations. A classic technique, often found useful, is to go into a known arousing situation (such as someone you like stimulating you in the best possible way) with a commitment not to get aroused. You stand a good chance of failing in your commitment
To reconnect mind and body in this regard, there is a series of exercises called sensate-focus that involve non-demand pleasuring, and specifically rehabilitate your ability to focus on an area receiving sensation and connect up to it. You can probably find the whole plan of this with a little research.
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Hi Jim - thanks for the great advice.
@Jim Eshelman said
"The basic practical test of your situation, though, is whether you spontaneously get morning erections. If you do, then all the wiring is still connected. If not, then there may actually be a medical issue. (How's your blood pressure BTW? Any medications that you take regularly?)"
Yes my wiring is still connected. Blood pressure tends toward the high side - but not dangerous levels yet (I would have expected it to drop since I quit smoking).
I think the problem is psychological so I will focus on Yesod. Now that I think of it, right before I shut down 2 years ago, I was having ordeals centered around the Qlippotic side of this sephiroth.
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i'm really happy for you!hugs
"sex" in itself is a great way of learning to manifest fantasy/desires... Jim touched on what i want to with
"exposing yourself to whatever historically has turned you on the most"
Everybody's water is different when it comes to 'what floats your boat' and i do realise i have a rather..uh..direct mind in these matters, and im not always the prefered cup of tea but thats okay too lol...
If you have thought about running your hands over her body, just to feel her curve and how she was made...with no sex as the "goal" (but be flexible should it turn that way...the goal is afterall to ..ahem..have sex with this woman lol)... then do that...
I've been creating a "ritual bathing" mindset lately... and it was Master that had the genious way of doing it, so at least read it and disreguard it if you like ...
fill the tub with ankle-high or mid-calf high water, and sit on the edge or stand in it...bathe as though in a lake, take the time to drag the water up your body and clense yourself..(sorry dont want to be rude here... the water wont "numb" your ah..toool of the trade as a bath might...) Just let your mind run whilst you do this, step out and towel dry..
the most "non weird" way i can picture, especially for the start of a relationship... is maybe fix a nice dinner, set the "mood" with candles, (Oshun helps women find thier sensuality but she does help men also..her colour is yellow and her number is five if that helps (just put a link in genrel discussion)..maybe look up a few friendly dieties for moral and physcological support) and tell her that you want to pamper her... sit her in her chair, pull out a (yellow?) napkin and put it in her lap, maybe feel her up a lil bit too lolol... enjoy enjoying her...
maybe stick on some mood music, and keep the lights down, and run your hands over her body... maybe turn her back to you and hold her from behind just running your palms over her... reaquaint yourself with your "masulinity" as it were.. reaquaint yourself with being "made" to adore women, and this is YOUR woman... get to know every freckle every mole everything her... breathe her in as much as you can (i hear top of the head releases pheramones whatever they are lol) ... no hassle, no pressure, be languorous ... maybe it will end in making love, maybe it will end in a long night in eachothers arms, bare, naked, and connected...
In this manner she isnt going to go running thinking "freak" shes going to feel so cherrished and adored, and she may even cry happy tears smiles either way, you're on a win.
Be honest with her... tell her you're scared if you're scared...tell her you're serious if you're serious and you dont think it will scare her...bare your soul to her, and let her kiss your scars away and you may even find her lead you down a path you're trepid to enter boldy... smiles
At the very least i hope i have left a nice "feeling" to help you arrange your own arrangements, and do think about the ritual bath, i find my head doesnt pull away from my body so much after doing this.
xxxx
the pixie
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That was a beautiful post, Pixie.
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Awww Blushes Thank You Ash
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Thanks for that post pixie. Will look into Oshun as I feel strong affinity to African gods.
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grins i hope i helped if only a little
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i dont know if this will help or not,but i do want to say,youre far from alone.
i had no interest in sex for quite a long time,actually,i may have been the only teenage boy who wasnt horny 24 hours a day,and this carried through into my late 20s.when the question of sex came up with a woman,i tried to act best i could through it,usually to a disapointed audience(i do look back on those days with a good deal of humour now,i took some serious ego beating lol)
now,i dont know of a ritual,but a suggestion is,make a list of the things that make you feel apprehensive,or hesitant about sex with the one you care for.then,lame as it sounds,another list of the things that make you feel "right" about it.put a little bit of thought into this,but not obsessively.
when youve finished,take the list of "negative" and burn it.a symbolic gesture of "this is now behind me,"...keep the list of "positive" as a first step on the road youre on now.i realize this sounds a bit flakey,but sometimes just putting the ten minutes into writing it down takes a little bit of the energy away from the negatives.
the other thing i'll say is,when a connection is "real" between two people,a certain amount of patience is already felt on both sides.i too went through some long patches of celibacy (monks should have taken a lesson from me lol),and i know how damned hard it is to get ones mind back into a sexual relationship.
and stay away from viagra (youre choice i realize)...i havnt had it,but i only hear horror stories from those who have.everyone says the headache after taking it lasts for days,although again,i personaly havnt tried it.
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i'll refrain from giggling here lol...
That would probably do the trick what alrah said...for as taboo as its made out to be (especially from certain generations) Theres no denying its an electrifying "on" switch male or female... lol...puts the smoooooothe into the feeling sexual.. if that makes sense
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@Alrah said
"Um. I suppose there's no good way of putting this... but it is logical if you think about the functions of the Chakras and I'm not trying to be offensive here... try some direct stimulation of your bum hole."
That and a toke, and you're muladhara will open right up.
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I did think of another touch to take or leave , its just keeps popping in my head the past two days like i should have mentioned it before, but it didnt come to me then...
Leave a photo album laying around .....
Dont want to go reading into things that may or may not be there, but if you'd like to hold her hand and show her where you lived and grew up on memory lane... leave it around like on a coffee table ... i beleive it would be a good idea if there are harder memories you wish you could share, but the opportunity doesnt present itself.