Zena
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I have been a member here for a while and have not really posted because I have been intimidated by the topics...and if the truth be told little here makes sense to me. It may be said it is over my head and under my feet. I would like to make it clear however that I have a high regard for this site, those who contribute and maintain it.
I could have introduced myself but even that seemed impossible. I was asked recently to write a biography and the same thing happens I find myself frozen with nothing to write or I am over come in a flood of information that cannot be staddled into a written form.
The best way to describe this reaction is to tell the tale of the first time I was to take control of the live control board at a radio station. I had had on the job instruction a few times prior this happening, I had become at this point part of the show and I understood the process from recording in my own studio but I was still nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof. My comrade, instructor and friend who had asked me to join him on this show (He works for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, this radio show he did as a public service) had confidence in me and just before we went on aire he asked me, "Are you nervous?" I said after a moment of recognition, "You bet I am!" He said, "Good, it means you care how this goes." I saw he was right and this revelation caused me to instantly relax and I manned the controls for the entire hour and a half with out a hitch. It was great fun.
I prefer to be in a room with those I meet. See who I am talking to. I will do my best here to give an overview for all who took the time to read this.
I love the forest, day or night. When I get a chance to take a midnight romp I do so. I love the four seasons and where I live I get to experience them.
I see that life is precious and meeting others is always a blessed event.
I live in music, I feel it, taste it, touch it, and hear it flow from the heart of existence which is everywhere and everything and sometimes I prepare this in a form for others to experience live off the floor (known as improvisational) or in a more formal recorded format known as songs. I do sometimes just play pieces on my guitar for those who ask. This experience is the same for me in visual mediums and I work in paint, crayons, pastels, ink, chalk, video, photographs and any thing I can get my hands on though not very well but it is fun. I am more adept with music. I have 38 years of intensive study in this area. It has always been a spiritually oriented endeavor. I have worked to be a blank slate to allow the sound to flow through me as a vessel. I have also worked in written form in this fashion my lyrics are descriptive forms of these experiences.I am not new to Thelema or study but I am new to it. It is for me like music has been no matter how long or how much I study, perform, and participate in it it always shows new depths beyond, and leaves me to feel as a beginner.
93 to all and thank you to all. -
Zena,
93,
Up until recently, your post would've scared the utter hell right out of me
This is because it is so open and honest, and so purely so. I'd have been unable to cope with such levels of honesty, and my automatic reaction is to go into an intellectual state of mind, and from there either to avoid your post because of its honesty, or to give my two sense in a "clever" fashion. (Maybe I'm still doing that?) Either way, my intellectualism comes up as a defense mechanism. I think that's why impersonal internet forums are difficult areas for this kind of honesty. I can totally side with your preference with speaking to people in person as opposed to by electronic means -- I find it a perfect measure of whether I'm actually speaking directly to someone or not, based on whether I can see their soul directly in their eyes 
Thanks for taking that chance. To hell with the risks: nothing ventured, nothing gained!
93 93/93.
Yours,
AL H-ShMATh
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@Al Ha-Shema said
"Zena,
93,
Up until recently, your post would've scared the utter hell right out of me
This is because it is so open and honest, and so purely so. I'd have been unable to cope with such levels of honesty, and my automatic reaction is to go into an intellectual state of mind, and from there either to avoid your post because of its honesty, or to give my two sense in a "clever" fashion. (Maybe I'm still doing that?) Either way, my intellectualism comes up as a defense mechanism. I think that's why impersonal internet forums are difficult areas for this kind of honesty. I can totally side with your preference with speaking to people in person as opposed to by electronic means -- I find it a perfect measure of whether I'm actually speaking directly to someone or not, based on whether I can see their soul directly in their eyes Thanks for taking that chance. To hell with the risks: nothing ventured, nothing gained!
93 93/93.
Yours,
AL H-ShMATh"
Thank you very much for your honesty. Your response is inviting. 93
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This is the 2nd time I have read your introduction:)
The 2nd time was as open as the first:) That prob. doesnt make since but its the best I can do:) I too Love your honesty. I can feel it flow through your writing.
Anyway when you speak of nature I understand. I feel G-D in nature .
Plz forgive this post. I just woke up and I can tell that my True Self isnt really being expressed in this responce:(
Anyway, thank you for being honest and think you for being a member of this Temple. (yes, to me this site is a temple whose head is a being to emulate:)
There is now law beyond Do what thou wilt.