The Crossroads.
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Hello, 93's.
Below, I will be telling a bit of my story in the hopes that some wonderful person will resonate with me and perhaps offer perspective on what I am feeling/thinking/dealing with, or just be bored enough to respond.First of all, my astrological info so you know who I'm coming from:
Born July 11, 1994.
Sun, Mercury - Cancer
Moon, Venus - Leo
Jupiter, Pluto - Scorpio
Uranus, Neptune - Capricorn
Mars - Gemini, Saturn - Pisces
Ascendant - TaurusI have been extensively studying the world of magick for about a year now, and I have come to a bit of a crossroads. I have read through what has particularly caught my intrest(the big blue Book 4, The Book of Lies, a whole bunch of stuff on Enochian magick, the entire works of Peter J. Carroll[the guy's brilliant], Goetia, The Book of Thoth[I also own the deck], 777, Crowley's Tao Teh Ching, Regardie's Gems From the Equinox, and various Libri and articles on the internet of which I have no specific memory) and have had many experiences in the process which have left me with many conflicting convictions and situations.
It started with Liber AL, and the maelstrom of synchronicity following it, as though the Universe would not allow me to look away. Just four months prior was when I first began experimenting with hallucinogens, and five when I began listening to Tool, which many of you may know is a potent mixture to rapidly introduce, even impose, spiritualiy on one's life and experience of it. Though I was ripe for it. Dropped out of a school that considered me a polymath, an artist and romantic, introverted and observant, black sheep of the family, turbulent adolescence, long history of drugs and crazy experiences.. I stood no chance at resisting the raw intensity of what the occult world produced, especially on account of how quickly it reacted to me.
The shorthand of my experience thus far is that I have landed on a sort of purely Art-based Magick(as opposed to science), in the Atu XIV sense, that is a sort of Shamanistic Chaos-Voodoo interaction with the 93 current simply by reading those books and taking hallucinogens. Once I digested the knowledge, all I'd have to do is trip and all of what I read would manifest through me into the world. Seriously powerful results that should typically require ritual and loads of practice were coming to me without the slightest effort, and being confirmed by what seems to be an intelligence weaving spiderwebs of synchronicity all around me. My Holy Guardian Angel revealed himself to me in a dream, a few nights after the most intense and synchronistic events of my life(which didn't involve drugs, by the way!). All without doing any of the inhibitory practices of Liber E, Liber MMM, and the like. No mysticsism, no initiations. I have always justifed it with astrological reasons; Gemini Mars making all attempts to constrain me entirely pointless, Cancer Sun/Mercury opposed Capricorn Uranus/Neptune making me incapable of consciously apprehending anything, having to work in a manic trance only when the ever so illusive Inspiration arises, and the Scorpio Jupiter/Pluto bringing me the most fortune and metamorphasis when I charge right to the gooey center of the matter and relentlessly chew up all ego present.
But things are beginning to get cloudy. Living in my parents house has become intolerable on account of the fact that they are quite simply dumb-drunk, destructive people, but I am still 17 and living in a poverty-stricken area with no available jobs and no civil liberties to claim those that do arise. The world at large seems to be on the brink of metamorphasis itself, so I don't know what world to make plans for. I am too young for proper intiations to any of the fine organizations I am in contact with, so my guidance is all from more occulted sources, which seem to have gone slightly dry in the absence of the chemical catalysts..
So, my questions are:
-Is it common to reach such results so early on?
-Does the reliance on ethneogens completely compromise the legitmacy of the results?
-Should I expand on my raw, Art Magick, or take this as a sign to begin rearing my rabid soul?(my only fear is that attempting to force my Self into a system may detract from its expressive, catalytic, Chaotic, creative nature and stamp out the intutive fire)
-Is it possible to charge through the planes too quickly and blow your Perception?
-Is there any astrological clarity you can offer?
-Am I ego-drunk and thoroughly bonkers?Really, any advice given will be considered sincerely and without predjudice. I am entirely open and hungry for any change that would further my Work, as I do accept the Law and devote myself to its implications. CCXX was where it all began anyway, and Nuit has found me more than once.
Thank you so much to anyone that reads this whole damn thing.
I now wish I had posted this in general discussion. Or perhaps even "Plain Nuts"..
93/93-Diluvium, 11, 666, 111.
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Hi,
I was introduced to occult ideas as an early teen, and also had a pretty horrid home life, with lots of drugs and alcohol and violence. I had a pretty fast uptake into the spiritual worlds, and seemed very natural at things with out any serious training or effort as well.
Personally I have found astrology the best tool for personal insight, and I recommend solunars.net as a valuable resource. I wasted to much time looking into tidal astrology, and only in the past few years have I gotten the keen insight that a accurate sidereal chart and interpretation can give.
I personally think you may want to chill out with the hallucinogens for a while as well. Doing drugs while living in your parents home may not be a good idea, but I woul rather you sit at home being high, then out drivin or other things which could cause an accident.
Just thinking back on my expierences....
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17 is pretty darn young. I won't comment on any of the psychological advice or whatever, but I will say that you are thoroughly earth-bound (As in, a member of human society) and you must get a game plan together in terms of how you will provide for yourself. You need to either learn some sort of trade or go back to school, graduate, and get higher education. I would worry myself much more over my practical realities than any sort of spiritual stuff going on.
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"17 is pretty darn young. I won't comment on any of the psychological advice or whatever, but I will say that you are thoroughly earth-bound (As in, a member of human society) and you must get a game plan together in terms of how you will provide for yourself. You need to either learn some sort of trade or go back to school, graduate, and get higher education. I would worry myself much more over my practical realities than any sort of spiritual stuff going on."
That's covered.
I will have a job at $16.50 an hour and an apartment in a pretty cool town a little south of here, which will be payed for without turbulence in a few months.
Even without a structured material existance, I am a well-learned survivor. Our Earth is made for that sort of thing.
But without a grasp on my reality, I find it meaning absolutely nothing.
I ask these questions because they are what matter and times are strange. Seventeen is very young indeed, but do not doubt the sincerity of what I say. I fell into a life that grew me up with an annoying urgency, found myself understanding things on an annoyingly intense but intuitive level that keeps my mind chasing after itself ceaselessly, getting tired.
This is the only place where people seem to have their shit together that I have access to, so I come here for said spiritual advice, and that is what I hope for.Veronica,
Astrology was the first thing even slightly spiritual I got into, a few years ago. I'd go around my school asking everyone their birthday n'such to go home and compare people with their signs. Once I found out how insanely insightful it was, I started turning it inward. My chart is very paradoxical and tense. I have been going at it for a while and I've found all of the currents in myself, but I would truly enjoy and use outside opinion on its aspects, hint hint
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Hint hint?
Wink wink
Nudge nudgeKnow what I mean?
Lol
Are you generating Sidereal Charts,
That my first hint.
Did you check out solrlunars.net
That my second....Are you a go er??
Wink wink,
Nudge nudge
Know what I mean....??Just being silly, don't mind me....
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From my own personal experience:
While what you are experiencing with the assistance of drugs, music, outside stimuli in general may seem intense, it is only because you are opening up to them for the first time.
When you no longer require outside stimuli to have these experiences, previous ones shall pale in comparison.
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"When you no longer require outside stimuli to have these experiences, previous ones shall pale in comparison."
What I needed
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"-Is it common to reach such results so early on?"
With drugs, yes.
"-Does the reliance on ethneogens completely compromise the legitmacy of the results?"
No. But I believe you were amazed (at any point shocked or disturbed) at how fast results come. There are greater and lesser degrees of this. Some are difficult to deal with. Too fast. Faster than you can keep up with. Can absolutely subvert your waking personality. Scary as ****.
"-Should I expand on my raw, Art Magick, or take this as a sign to begin rearing my rabid soul?(my only fear is that attempting to force my Self into a system may detract from its expressive, catalytic, Chaotic, creative nature and stamp out the intutive fire)"
Don't feel comfortable answering that one. You may eventually get tired of all the chaos though.
"-Is it possible to charge through the planes too quickly and blow your Perception?"
Absolutely. imhe, You don't just open up to a new "plane," you awaken to the "messengers" inherent to it as well. This can drive you insane if you don't consciously *work *to learn and grow with it.
"-Is there any astrological clarity you can offer?"
Nope. Beginner.
"-Am I ego-drunk and thoroughly bonkers?"
imhe, Try not to confuse the benefit of your stars with skill. "Skill" is the plural of "luck."
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Drugs can expose us to states that we may not be able to reach otherwise - or, at least, not for a very long time. This has the benefit of showing that there is something beyond normal everyday experience, and perhaps motivating one to go on.
However, while this kind of breakthrough is valuable and worth celebrating, it isn't necessarily to be trusted. After all, you were on drugs.
So it was a perfectly fine whatever-it-was, and wasn't likely a particularly good example of whatever-it-wasn't.
"-Should I expand on my raw, Art Magick, or take this as a sign to begin rearing my rabid soul?(my only fear is that attempting to force my Self into a system may detract from its expressive, catalytic, Chaotic, creative nature and stamp out the intutive fire)"
Music training doesn't destroy musical genius. (Caveat: Except by some really crappy teachers.) In fact, it's difficult-to-impossible to find manifest, actualized musical genius in someone who has not had some serious training. Discipline unlocks and channels genius. That this applies to the arts speaks powerfully for the extent to which it applies to the soul.
"-Is it possible to charge through the planes too quickly and blow your Perception?"
If you proceed by totally natural (nforced) means, it is very difficult to do that. (It's possible - read Gopi Krishna's autobiography. It's awesome and informative.)
OTOH forcing "progress" with exogenous agents such as drugs can definitely push you further than your neurology (as well as the subtler channels of your non-physical "bodies") can go. In extreme cases, this has "blown out" some circuits; more commonly, it just bruises subtle channels that need to develop more at their own pace. The net result is that, when one stops using the drugs, it can take several years before one is able to pick up without their assistance and move on.
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@Aegis said
""Skill" is the plural of "luck." "
@Jim Eshelman said
"
Music training doesn't destroy musical genius. (Caveat: Except by some really crappy teachers.) In fact, it's difficult-to-impossible to find manifest, actualized musical genius in someone who has not had some serious training. Discipline unlocks and channels genius. That this applies to the arts speaks powerfully for the extent to which it applies to the soul."This is golden; a must-scribble for the Book of Jim. Enough sanity to put tears in my eyes.
It may just my appreciation of and sensitivity to the context, but know that it will be ringing in my head for a good, long while. -
I've since obtained a sidereal chart... And the paradigm crash that ensues.
Sun - Gemini
Moon - Cancer
Rising - Aries
Mercury - Gemini
Venus - Leo
Mars - Taurus
Jupiter - Libra
Saturn - Aquarius
Uranus - Sagittarius
Neptune - Sagittarius
Pluto - Scorpio