True Will/Sexuality
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93,
Welcome!
The shortest answer to give is "love who thou Willt", but of course everything sounds easier that way than it truly is.
I am very new as well (not even a year) and I too have been struggling with my sexuality for quite a while now. I grew up thinking I was heterosexual but during puberty (surprise), I was growing more and more attached to the same gender. But, like the instruction videos at school said happened in some cases, I was convinced it was just a 'phase'. I was very wrong. Eventually I got a girlfriend and we were together for four years but still the people surrounding me weren't convinced I actually was into women (my ex was very dominant and they thought she brainwashed me into loving her) and that was when I started to doubt myself too. That, and the fact that I thought I would remain alone forever if I didn't start liking the opposite gender because it's much harder to find someone who's gay as well. I forced myself to start dating guys but it made me feel extremely uncomfortable.
When I discovered Thelema I started seeing myself more as an individual and an individual that counts in this world as well. Every man and every woman is a star and that's the ideal I try to live by right now. Can't accept a person for who he/she is? Deal with it.
Now, of course, I happen to live in a country where homosexuality is 99,5% accepted and I understand that in different societies it could be more difficult. But what counts it that you shouldn't force yourself to feel what makes you uncomfortable. Don't be the person others desire to see, be the person that you are and want to be. And this probably has more to do with psychology and society, but I know Thelema helps me a lot to achieve it and make it easier.
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Elmida, my situation is pretty much like yours, so your not alone!:) I'm going to ignore the whole sex and sexuality thing until I reach "enlightenment" then maybe I'll be able to see clearer.
Thankyou!
93/93
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I wouldn't ignore it altogether, that's sort of like repressing it, but just "letting it flow" and see what happens is the solution I decided to go with. I haven't 100% excluded men yet because who knows, maybe I'll find one that I DO like, who knows? What I always like to say is "you love someone for their person, not for their gender".
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Each to his own
I'm just going to stay chaste until I reach a state where I can think about it much more clearly otherwise I'll end up obsessing, and that wouldn't be good at-all!:D -
93
Step 1: Have sex with a woman
Step 2: Have sex with a man
Step 3: Meditate on which was more fun
Step 4: Repeat if necessary
Step 5: Do whichever is more fun93, 93/93
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^ I've done both and like I said I'm really unsure
Would Yoga or anything that expands my consciousness help? -
@SerpentSeed123 said
"^ I've done both and like I said I'm really unsure
Would Yoga or anything that expands my consciousness help?"Maybe it would less confusing if you just decided you enjoy both.
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@SerpentSeed123 said
"^ I've done both and like I said I'm really unsure
Would Yoga or anything that expands my consciousness help?"I get the idea that you're looking for a quick answer. It doesn't usually work that way. This sort of thing clarifies over time, and continues to present new aspects of itself throughout your entire life.
I also think you're still trying to stick labels on yourself. "Let me get this thing decided once and for all!" I think the labels are likely to cause you at least frustration, if not actual pain.
How about going forth into life with a sense of how much you don't know about yourself, and the delight of having your entire life ahead of you to figure them out.
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93
@SerpentSeed123 said
"^ I've done both and like I said I'm really unsure
Would Yoga or anything that expands my consciousness help?"Step 4, as provided above.
There is, however, a secret way to expand your consciousness and discover your interests without having to figure them out for yourself. These ways are infinitely magickal and have been kept secret by the FBI, CIA, and the OTO for centuries.
It does have to do with Yoga. First stand on your head and say the following:
"I A O I call upon ye, O great Nuit!
I A O I call upon ye, O great Hadit!
I A O I call upon ye, O great Aiwass!
Lend unto me your divine wisdom, O great entities."Light a hula-hoop on fire and jump through it six times. Then, balance a rubber ball on your nose until someone gives you a fish, which you will then eat--do this six times. Finally, stand on your right leg with your left arm straight up in the air, and face Israel. Roll your eyes back into your head and imagine yourself as swimming in a school of fish. Trouts and salmon are the best visuals. Imagine yourself having sex with all the boy trouts/salmons, and then all the girl ones. Light six hundred sixty-six candles in a perfect circle around you and do somesaults around the circumference six full times (no more and no less, otherwise the ceremony will fail).
Sacrifice a lamb or small cat and write Aleph-Yodh-Nun on a white T-shirt, and then don the t-shirt. Drink the remaining blood. Make sure it dribbles down your face and mingles with the blood currently depicting Hebrew letters on your T-shirt. Repeat the above chant and sacrifice a cow, chanting the obvious Hindu prayers as you do so. Do this six times.
Place a copy of Aleister Crowley's "777" in the center of the candle-circle. Place a copy of the Holy Bible atop it, and finally, a copy of Gertrude Chandler Warner's "The Boxcar Children" atop that. Sanctify this pile of literature by falling to your knees and worshipping it for six hours, six minutes, and six seconds. Any more or any less will cause the ceremony to fail.
Leaving the candles lit, go to sleep. If all goes according to plan, you will have a dream. This dream will involve shadows, demons, and you may have images of your residence burning down around you. Upon awakening, you must immediately begin meditating upon the dream. If you meditate on this dream for six hours, six minutes, and six seconds straight--at the complete and utter expense of all other subjects/needs--the Gods will bestow upon you a thought. This thought will be presented with complete and absolute clarity. In this case, you will hear the words "I like men" or "I like women" resonating through your head, depending on whichever notion your subconsiousness is inclined toward. Thus you shall have your answer.
93, 93/93
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@Jim Eshelman said
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@SerpentSeed123 said
"^ I've done both and like I said I'm really unsure Would Yoga or anything that expands my consciousness help?"I get the idea that you're looking for a quick answer. It doesn't usually work that way. This sort of thing clarifies over time, and continues to present new aspects of itself throughout your entire life.
I also think you're still trying to stick labels on yourself. "Let me get this thing decided once and for all!" I think the labels are likely to cause you at least frustration, if not actual pain.
How about going forth into life with a sense of how much you don't know about yourself, and the delight of having your entire life ahead of you to figure them out."
It's true that. I get really stressed or anxious not knowing certain things, and the OCD doesn't help which is why someone said I should try Yoga because it helps with anxiety etc. I'll take your advice on board and try to put it into practice. I sound like a right idiot to be honest
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@SerpentSeed123 said
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@Jim Eshelman said
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@SerpentSeed123 said
"^ I've done both and like I said I'm really unsure Would Yoga or anything that expands my consciousness help?"I get the idea that you're looking for a quick answer. It doesn't usually work that way. This sort of thing clarifies over time, and continues to present new aspects of itself throughout your entire life.
I also think you're still trying to stick labels on yourself. "Let me get this thing decided once and for all!" I think the labels are likely to cause you at least frustration, if not actual pain.
How about going forth into life with a sense of how much you don't know about yourself, and the delight of having your entire life ahead of you to figure them out."
It's true that. I get really stressed or anxious not knowing certain things, and the OCD doesn't help which is why someone said I should try Yoga because it helps with anxiety etc. I'll take your advice on board and try to put it into practice. I sound like a right idiot to be honest
"Haveing just publicly confessed that you've accepted some fool giving you the label "OCD" (which I suspect now means you are religiously taking their pills), you do sound like right idiot to be honest.
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Ha! Least your being honest;) So I'm guessing you think it doesn't exist ? and yes, I'm on Mirtazapine ... though to be honest, smoking the weed helped more :L
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OCD, ADHD, and slew of other letters are thrown around as convenience in the psychiatric world because big pharma pays the bills on the academic level. And if your intent is to be a man of letters, you need those pills to support you.
Yes. I'm highly suspect of your diagnosis. For one thing, it shows a failure to succeed in the first part of Crowley's big blue opus variously known as Magick. The first part is called mysticism and it teaches you to sit still and take control of yourself. My understanding of someone who is diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is that they can't have a will of their own. If you truly believe that, you're in the wrong playground me thinks.
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@Takamba said
"OCD, ADHD, and slew of other letters are thrown around as convenience in the psychiatric world because big pharma pays the bills on the academic level. And if your intent is to be a man of letters, you need those pills to support you.
Yes. I'm highly suspect of your diagnosis. For one thing, it shows a failure to succeed in the first part of Crowley's big blue opus variously known as Magick. The first part is called mysticism and it teaches you to sit still and take control of yourself. My understanding of someone who is diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is that they can't have a will of their own. If you truly believe that, you're in the wrong playground me thinks."
I've only been into 'Spirituality/Thelema' since November so I've got alot to do. What do YOU suggest I should do then ? Stop trying to discover my goal, my path, my will ?
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@SerpentSeed123 said
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@Takamba said
"OCD, ADHD, and slew of other letters are thrown around as convenience in the psychiatric world because big pharma pays the bills on the academic level. And if your intent is to be a man of letters, you need those pills to support you.Yes. I'm highly suspect of your diagnosis. For one thing, it shows a failure to succeed in the first part of Crowley's big blue opus variously known as Magick. The first part is called mysticism and it teaches you to sit still and take control of yourself. My understanding of someone who is diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is that they can't have a will of their own. If you truly believe that, you're in the wrong playground me thinks."
I've only been into 'Spirituality/Thelema' since November so I've got alot to do. What do YOU suggest I should do then ? Stop trying to discover my goal, my path, my will ?"
What little I know about you will get in the way. I'm not medically trained so I can't tell you what to do about your prescription but I personally would prefer you suspect your doctor is wrong and see what you can do about it. I recommend you practice sitting still, silent, and controlling your self. I recommend you practice controlling your thoughts and actions with thoughts and actions (fight fire with fire) and not with pills. I recommend you read and do the practices in Jim's "The Mystical and Magical System of the A .'. A .'." book because even though I've never read it I'm convinced it has everything you need, and also I recommend Israel Regardie's "One Year Manual" because I have read it and it has everything too.
I recommend Crowley's Liber ABA (Magick : Book Four) because it does have everything. Do the exercises. Make this your obsession. Don't argue about the words, take Crowley on Crowley's terms. In other words, there are no short cuts.
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@Takamba said
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@SerpentSeed123 said
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@Takamba said
"OCD, ADHD, and slew of other letters are thrown around as convenience in the psychiatric world because big pharma pays the bills on the academic level. And if your intent is to be a man of letters, you need those pills to support you.Yes. I'm highly suspect of your diagnosis. For one thing, it shows a failure to succeed in the first part of Crowley's big blue opus variously known as Magick. The first part is called mysticism and it teaches you to sit still and take control of yourself. My understanding of someone who is diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is that they can't have a will of their own. If you truly believe that, you're in the wrong playground me thinks."
I've only been into 'Spirituality/Thelema' since November so I've got alot to do. What do YOU suggest I should do then ? Stop trying to discover my goal, my path, my will ?"
What little I know about you will get in the way. I'm not medically trained so I can't tell you what to do about your prescription but I personally would prefer you suspect your doctor is wrong and see what you can do about it. I recommend you practice sitting still, silent, and controlling your self. I recommend you practice controlling your thoughts and actions with thoughts and actions (fight fire with fire) and not with pills. I recommend you read and do the practices in Jim's "The Mystical and Magical System of the A .'. A .'." book because even though I've never read it I'm convinced it has everything you need, and also I recommend Israel Regardie's "One Year Manual" because I have read it and it has everything too.
I recommend Crowley's Liber ABA (Magick : Book Four) because it does have everything. Do the exercises. Make this your obsession. Don't argue about the words, take Crowley on Crowley's terms. In other words, there are no short cuts."
See, that's the reply I've been waiting for! At long last! I'll try it out. See what happens!
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PS. I bought Abrahadabra: Understanding Aleister Crowley's Thelemic Magick and that'll be coming tomorrow, any opinions on that text?
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@SerpentSeed123 said
"PS. I bought Abrahadabra: Understanding Aleister Crowley's Thelemic Magick and that'll be coming tomorrow, any opinions on that text?"
It's a very good primer on the subject. I certainly recommend it for dumbing down Thelema, but make no mistake that your mind and imagination and soul will get along much further when you read Crowley's words.
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@SerpentSeed123 said
"PS. I bought Abrahadabra: Understanding Aleister Crowley's Thelemic Magick and that'll be coming tomorrow, any opinions on that text?"
I haven't seen the book. However, I have zero respect for anything I've ever seen from the author. (Admittedly, what I've seen may not be representative of his material overall.)
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Crowley himself is quite confusing, for me anyway, so I figured that this book would suit my needs for this time. I'll quote the Bible in which Paul talks about milk and meat, meat being the hard doctrine to digest, and the milk being the easy, that's where I am at the moment with Crowley/Thelema
PS. Thanks for the head's up Jim! I'll message you or something once I've read it and tell you what I thought. It seems like a beginners guide, so I know it's not going to be too complex but I hope it isn't too watered down.