Accident, Need Help. Concerning the HGA, and the Password
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Ok, so I received a communication from my HGA and she gave me the password, but I stupidly uttered it to my little brother, and parents. It had told me to simply utter it to my parents alone. This was about 2 years ago. I hadn't listened to its instructions until now, when I was positive it had been my HGA, and when I did, my brother heard it as well. After that I've established some sort of connection with everything... its like the universe is speaking to me, but sometimes I feel that my brothers thoughts and feelings are somehow influencing me, but I'm not sure if thats what it is or if its just my HGA alone.
Has anyone else here, been actually initiated and have had the word of their holy guardian angel uttered to them? If so, what happened? Did you utter it to others or keep the whole ordeal a secret? I've been experiencing all these weird things... like whispers from nowhere.... Although sometimes I feel like its my brothers thoughts intruding. Or is it that we have somehow entered the Aeon of Maat or are entering it?... Can anybody tell me what's going on? Have I somehow strayed from the path and become a Black Brother? and if so, how can I go back?
EDIT: Also it gave me a secret cipher to decode the book of the law, the true value and order of the English Alphabet, well to me, anyway, I'm not sure if its the same with everyone, but it has not ceased to amaze me, the patterns are undeniable. This sometimes makes me feel as if maybe I'm the Son spoken of in the book, but I think this is just an analogy to the
"Son of Man" or the "Christ" which is basically the ultimate mode of consciousness one can achieve on this plane, and which might be the ultimate grade achievable in the OTO, although I have never had any ties with any occult orders, I just turned 18 about two months ago, but I have been receiving a stream of information seemingly out of nowhere, which is making me put all these things together.Someone please help me out here! By the way just to give you a hint the HGA's word is very similar to the word AbraHadAbra. This word also gives off a clue to the secret cipher. Someone that is part of the OTO, or anybody that has experience with this, please give me some hint or something, I think I've gone through too much too fast.
Also I don't think its just my brothers, I think it's my parents as well. I think this is where the term Maya comes from. The illusion that your mother builds upon you. Her thoughts and feelings influence your life, or so I think. So it might just be my mom. Perhaps that or it is just my HGA...
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93 Sevenki,
As a beginner I don't have as much experience as others here on this forum.
So I'm not sure how much help I can be but I would recommend establishing equilibrium in yourself by whatever methods or rituals are most soothing and familiar to yourself. The Methods of Equilibrium section in Postcard to Probationers from the Master Therion might be of some help. It has certainly helped me. I would also recommend speaking to a therapist or other professional. It has helped me to work on balancing myself though it can be difficult to find one whom has a positive view on esoteric matters.
Realize that you are not alone, I send you light and good wishes."II. Let the student than contradict every proposition that presents itself to him. "-The Master Therion
93 93/93*
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Actually, the news here is pretty good.
First, don't worry about the Black Brother bit. You'd have to be an Exempt Adept first. You're safe on this count, I'm sure.
Second, I understand your anxiety about having been giving something that registered as profoundly true, and then betrayed your own sense of what you were supposed to do with it. I can't say definitively what is true between you and your Angel. It is my best assessment, though, that this was a preliminary ordeal, perhaps (among other things) intended to teach you discretion and silence for when deeper experiences come later. A very true aphorism is that, "To those who succeed in small things, greater things are given."
@Sevenki said
"This sometimes makes me feel as if maybe I'm the Son spoken of in the book, but I think this is just an analogy to the
"Son of Man" or the "Christ" which is basically the ultimate mode of consciousness one can achieve on this plane, and which might be the ultimate grade achievable in the OTO"I am not currently a member of O.T.O. Once upon a time, though, I was Deputy Grand Master General. I'm willing to go on record as saying that these terms do not describe "the ultimate grade achievable in the OTO."
Hang in there. Work hard and be patient. One sometimes never knows how far one hasn't gone until subsequent experiences far surpass what one previously considered one's greatest breakthrough or revelation.
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@Sevenki said
"Ok, so I received a communication from my HGA and she gave me the password, but I stupidly uttered it to my little brother, and parents. It had told me to simply utter it to my parents alone. This was about 2 years ago. I hadn't listened to its instructions until now, when I was positive it had been my HGA, and when I did, my brother heard it as well. After that I've established some sort of connection with everything... its like the universe is speaking to me, but sometimes I feel that my brothers thoughts and feelings are somehow influencing me, but I'm not sure if thats what it is or if its just my HGA alone.
Has anyone else here, been actually initiated and have had the word of their holy guardian angel uttered to them? If so, what happened? Did you utter it to others or keep the whole ordeal a secret? I've been experiencing all these weird things... like whispers from nowhere.... Although sometimes I feel like its my brothers thoughts intruding. Or is it that we have somehow entered the Aeon of Maat or are entering it?... Can anybody tell me what's going on? Have I somehow strayed from the path and become a Black Brother? and if so, how can I go back?
EDIT: Also it gave me a secret cipher to decode the book of the law, the true value and order of the English Alphabet, well to me, anyway, I'm not sure if its the same with everyone, but it has not ceased to amaze me, the patterns are undeniable. This sometimes makes me feel as if maybe I'm the Son spoken of in the book, but I think this is just an analogy to the
"Son of Man" or the "Christ" which is basically the ultimate mode of consciousness one can achieve on this plane, and which might be the ultimate grade achievable in the OTO, although I have never had any ties with any occult orders, I just turned 18 about two months ago, but I have been receiving a stream of information seemingly out of nowhere, which is making me put all these things together.Someone please help me out here! By the way just to give you a hint the HGA's word is very similar to the word AbraHadAbra. This word also gives off a clue to the secret cipher. Someone that is part of the OTO, or anybody that has experience with this, please give me some hint or something, I think I've gone through too much too fast.
Also I don't think its just my brothers, I think it's my parents as well. I think this is where the term Maya comes from. The illusion that your mother builds upon you. Her thoughts and feelings influence your life, or so I think. So it might just be my mom. Perhaps that or it is just my HGA..."
Some good advice from others above. I'd just add, that IMHO if you feel you are getting any communication from any external entity, like a person, or even a voice in your head (if it doesn't just feel like your own thought-voice in your head), it's not likely to be your Angel.
My understanding is that the HGA *usually *communicates in a subtle way, as the "still, small voice" of conscience - not the conscience of social conditioning ("oops better not do that!") but the conscience that gives you a sharp inner qualm when you're doing something you know is wrong somehow. It's the voice one often ignores, and then years later realises was right all along. A large part of training is just to get you calm enough in the mind so that this "still, small voice" drops onto a smooth, reflective lake-like mind, rather than getting lost in the mess of conflicting signals of a raging ocean-like mind. Another way of looking at it would be this: if you've ever done anything artistic, especially artistic in a spontaneous way where you've trained your body in some skill (e.g. musical improvisation, painting, etc.), then let go within that skill, that's more like what the "communication" of the Angel is - like a kind of spontaneous urge welling up from inside, that wants to express itself in some way.
Another point is that if you're still thinking in terms of "others" telling you things, e.g. great "secrets", you're not in the right mystical frame of mind (so to speak) for the K&C, which involves a non-dual epiphany in which "self" and "other" either disappear altogether or become relatively unimportant. IOW, to really get the K&C, you have to be yourself on a fairly high level of mystical development, so you can "meet God halfway" so to speak. You have to already be in a frame of mind in which your ordinary sense of self is in abeyance, or has disappeared completely. IOW if there's still a "you" there enjoying (or not enjoying!
) the experience, then that's not "it". Hence also, if there's the sense of an "other" delivering the "message" then that's not "it" either.All IMHO and FWIW, based on my own minimal experience, but hope it helps.