True Will: Why?
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I struggle with these questions every day, but here are my two cents...
There's something specific that I'm made to do. I'll leave out any ideas of "intelligent design" - regardless of whether or not it was done by a specific, intelligent being, I am indeed here and alive, and have a unique set of circumstances and psychological (and physical!) makeup that fit me for some end. Resisting who I truly am doesn't just hurt, it sucks. And my psychology has been warped and twisted and all kinds of messed up since birth to fit my own delusions and whims about what I want to achieve, and what society and my parents want me to achieve, and all of these other things... so it's a really rough process to sort through all of the garbage and get to that.
I feel like a hypocrite even saying this stuff because of how hard I struggle with this concept.
Why do it?
Think about something you deeply regret... if you deeply regret nothing, then props to you, because I deeply regret a lot of things... I think that True Will is that thing that, lying on my death bed, I would regret not doing, even though I don't know what it is right now. And I don't have any conscious choice in choosing what that Will is... but it is, indeed.
Why do I want to do it? Partially out of fear of choosing any other path, knowing that I will collide with others and cause all of us undue pain; partially out of fear of failure, knowing that I'm literally built to do something and am avoiding it to go wing it elsewhere; partially out of a strong desire to get to the bottom of my own bullsh!t and learn to understand and control myself; partially out of an intense craving for something that I can't really give voice to; partially out of a hope, a dream, that I can find satisfaction, comfort, and motivation to continue on; finally, out of a hope, a dream, that there's a meaning behind the pain I've endured.
93, 93/93.
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If I may, I think of my true will (as I can think of it, on the level of my body and it's material life) in terms of the passage in Liber Al vel Legis, where it says something along the lines of: if you partake in a pleasure, increase in taste. Having established a stable food supply, I can no longer tolerate McDonalds all the time. I could be a "selfish" person and, say, not let the other monkeys into the pool, but it is a higher pleasure to allow everyone to have it, it makes me feel good about myself in a more tasteful and fulfilling way than an excess of hot baths could. Or, to go off of the running question, running hurts at one level, but leaves you with a deep, good feeling for the rest of the time, and satisfies a subconcious need to feel confidant about one's appearance. If I can enjoy sitting and resting my legs for most of my day, I then want to start to spend part of my time making that rest a better experience, through the pain of running. In exercise there is also even a deep satisfaction in the pain itself, and through experience one develops a sort of taste for pain, without being a masochist. I find muscle soreness and aerobic fatigue to be a good feeling a one level, but if I have knee or ankle problems there is nothing satisfying about that pain. That is how I live "Do as thou wilt" in my daily life. But I also see my "True Will" as the culmination of all my taste, as a sense of purpose is what I find to be one of the greatest, if not the greatest pleasure to be had. Part of "Do as thou wilt," I think, is to say to this: Who cares why this is so satisfying? Who cares why I want this? I want it, I am currently satisfied by working towards it, increasing my pleasure and taste in all things, and if the universe also seems to be designed to fulfill my Will, all the better!
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Me? I'm not sure what it really boils down to for me.
I don't really feel fulfilled unless I'm helping other people figure out their problems, giving them information about how to overcome them, teaching them about their own patterns and psychology. This was originally fulfilled by my early religion, but now that seems to have fallen into shadow.
I have a great job, wife, house, yard, dogs, cars, etc.., but unless I'm talking to people about the above kind of things, I'm just not happy. It's what I'm naturally good at - or it's at least where the unrefined talent lies.
Right now, I do a lot of combatting miserable thinking because I don't have a good avenue for the expression of my core functions. My job is helping students on academic probation, and only about 20% are actually trying and worthy of any assistance at all. I'm tired of wasting all my goods on people who don't really want them or seek them out themselves.
I'm on the path to becoming a counselor, but I'm not allowed yet - state licensing and ethics and whatnot. So, I'm on the way. I'm doing my Work to perform my Will, but I don't get a lot of freedom to actually do it anymore. It frustrating as hell.
I have every material thing I ever thought I would need to be happy, but I'm not in my function right now (my Will), and that makes it all seem somewhat valueless and pointless. But turning aside from the path that I'm on would seem to be leaving the Work. So, I continue, and I work to prepare myself. I've had a lot of illusions to banish along the way.
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"the thought manifests the word.
The word manifests as the deed.
The deed develops into habit.
And the habit hardens into character.
So watch the thought and it's ways with care.
And let it spring from love,
Born out of concern for all things"~Siddhartha Gautama
When I find myself, not paying attention
To my thoughts, to my actions
I find I feel out of resonanceBut when I turn my attention back to what I am doing
Right here and now
And giving that my full 100%
I got my groove back,Attention to the here and now is what makes the difference, and more importantly my attitude to what ever it is that is in this here and now.
If every single person minded their own business, became in resonance, the Choir would be deafening.
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“Why?” is about causes. Why is a duck? Because the egg came first? Because its molecules assumed a duckish form? To be prepared a l’Orange? To raise its young and further its species? Etc.
But perhaps it is simply just because. As Aristotle might remind us, perhaps a duck is primarily “for the sake of which it is what it is.”
Our culture is so utilitarian, and we look to how a thing is to be used to explain its value. One must, I think, "chunk up," to contemplate True Will.
I generally hew toward this epistemological view whenever contemplating the big question of, "Why?" And I assume that such contemplation is inherently flawed if it aims for an overly rational explanation. Being is bigger than the intellect, and if an ethics tries to cram True Will into a semantic box, then the effort must necessarily fail.
I suppose I see obedience to True Will like finding the next word in a great poem or the next note in a magnificent song. Or as Veronica puts it more succinctly, it is about:
@Veronica said
"...resonance...."
Which calls to mind the lovely words of Blaise Pascal:
Le cœur a ses raisons, que la raison ne connaît point. On le sent en mille choses. C'est le cœur qui sent Dieu, et non la raison. Voilà ce que c'est que la foi parfaite, Dieu sensible au cœur. (Translation: “The heart has its reasons, which Reason does not know. We feel it in a thousand things. It is the heart which feels God, and not Reason. This, then, is perfect faith: God felt in the heart.")
Replace “God,” with “Will,” and “faith” with something akin to “obedience,” (but a lot more fun) and you’d have a fair sense of where I come out on this one.
93, 93/93
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Be... cause...
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If you love mountain climbing, I would think your time is best spent climbing mountains and not wondering why it brings you such joy.
Though, I am the type of person who would question why it brings me such joy...
That is my choice, for the moment.
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The first part of the soul to reawaken is the animal soul. This part of the soul is predominantly blind animal instinct; hard core ego without intellect, capable only of fleeting moments of altruism towards other members of its pack etc.. Next the intellect awakens. As the intellect is more fully developed and awakened, eventually the result is an ability to conceive that the division between subject and object is an illusion created by the ego. In time, a third part of the soul will awaken (or the individual will awaken to it) leading to an ability to move beyond the intellect and experience this directly. For now though, back to the intellect. As the intellect matures, fleeting, instinctual, feelings of altruism towards others may be replaced by more enduring intellectual principles for having an altruistic feeling towards someone, or something, besides the ego self. Also, along with the intellect comes the ability for self reflection, and, some have, to a greater or lesser degree, been able to self reflect and resolve much of their inner conflict allowing for a calm sense of peace to emerge within, or, you could say, towards themselves. Therefore, in both intellectual and eventually more direct types of experiences, the sense of peace within and towards the self can extend beyond the ego self, to a greater, or lesser degree, based on the development of the individual, resulting in a subjective experience of peace and love applied within a broader context of self. From the ego's point of view, however, this would appear to be altruism towards "others."
True will has to do with the surrender of the small, limited, ego self, to something that is higher than the ego and, from the perspective of the ego, appears to be separate from itself. At some point, the ego self is forced to concede that it is not in control. There is a movement occurring, of the infinite All, and the small ego self is like a leaf being tossed around in the waves of a raging river that is furiously flowing along in it's own course, and the small ego self is not the cause of it, nor is it in control of it. What the ego doesn't understand, of course, is that the river is like a rope, and the ego is like a knot in the rope. When the ego surrenders, the knot is released, and the sense of self shifts from being the small, limited, knot of the ego, to being the rope, the raging river itself. When this happens, the sense of self moves into a oneness of being with that which previously seemed to be something outside and separate. This is when one is doing their True Will and the conflict and sense of separation between self and the raging river is resolved and released.
Also, some thoughts that I had swirling around in my head about this topic -
From: (http://unusmundus-melie.blogspot.com/2009/09/writing-by-me-freeform-thought.html)
The real you, deep inside of you, is infinite and immortal and exists before and after your body. This immortal you has no reason for existing on its own; in other words the infinite immortal you exists without cause. Meaning or reason implies a cause or an impetus for beginning. That which is infinite has no beginning and therefore has no reason or meaning or even consciousness for that matter unless it is able to see what it is not. There is another you, the finite you. The finite you definitely has a reason for existing, and that is to define and reaffirm the infinite immortal you. The infinite immortal you is able to give its unending life and ability to the finite mortal you, and the finite mortal you is able to give reason and meaning to the infinite immortal you by receiving these things. These two sides of you walk through eternity together, forever holding hands, comforting each other, and giving and receiving unending fulfillment from one another. The meaning of life is to give and receive unending fulfillment.
