Finding my True Will
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@Katanoese said
"I am happy to report that I am at last living the dream!
This year, as of January 1st, I have gone on the dole, and I am now using all my time to pursue The Great Work."That sentence is so anti-Calvinist that it makes me smile. Ya'll ain't no American, huh?
@Katanoese said
"Today, however my old job called and wanted to hear if I could come back this autumn to continue working for them. I told them it was a little early in the year for me to decide, but I felt the pressure to decide; rather sooner than later .."
I understand that Crowley himself lived off on an inheritance and borrowed money, and he never really paid is own way. So there's certainly precedent for that. But from where I sit, it's foundational to other things to get one's οἶκος in order, to become a viable "householder," to have some rudimentary mastery of your little economic sphere and to make a contribution to your own survival and physical well-being. As much as a state-paid holiday sounds kinda sweet, I still think taking a job that's available to you offers opportunities for practical and real-world advancement that might not be present if you aren't earning a livelihood.
@Katanoese said
"Ideally, I would never have to do meaningless work (as in work only for the money - selling my time on earth like a common whore
.. ) again, without this work at least having at least some connection to me doing my Will in some way .."Interesting to hear you disparaging the oldest profession on a site where the strumpet is divine.
I do think having a career that really aligns well with your True Will is useful, but I suspect, particularly at the onset, that a measure of self-reliance is even more important--regardless of the job you do. It entirely could be my cultural bias showing through, but I think paying one's own freight is an important part of the lesson at first, that it grounds us out and helps us to practically manifest ourselves and to confront the real world ordeals presented by lofty aspirations.
I don't think, absent better options being present, that working a grunt job to pay the rent would be a problem at all. I suspect doing so would establish a context in which a lot of very important things could be realized about oneself.
As far as narrowing in, over time, on the very best career for you, one of the keys to figuring that out, as your OTO colleagues suggest, is probably through a process of elimination. Something recommended from time to time on this site is a little book called, Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation, by Parker J. Palmer. It talks about this vocational question nicely, and you might want to check it out.
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Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law,
Thank you so much, guys!
Yes, I think I need to choose - but I need to choose from the right motivation, like you say Patrick - I need to trust my intuition and be honest with myself and my choices. Also, there is always the option to change my mind quicker so I don't have to fear getting stuck in the same situation I was before
I already feel much better about this
I was feeling frustrated and pressured into making a quick decision about the money-work .. I will continue doing The Great Work, of course, cultivating my intuition and self-honesty, and putting a lot more stock in those factors than before when making decisions ..Then I will make my choices joyously
I think you are right - I have all the tools I need .. This will be sweet
Thanks again. Your kind encouragement and support is very much appreciated.
David S - Yes, my money-work is a series of deadlines, very stressful, time-consuming, and I certainly learned a lot about communication, social interaction, about myself, life, and others .. The work itself is producing mind-numbing entertainment for the masses, which is good for a laugh I guess, but not a very healthy or helpful product (in my opinion).
The worst part is that it takes a lot of time and energy, and sort of drains me to the degree that it's hard to even have the energy or focus to look for "ways out" or research other alternatives ..
I actually do think you have a good point - it's definitely a good thing to be able to "pay ones own way". And it's true that you have the opportunity at least to learn a lot of interesting stuff about life when this goes on .. This is how I used to justify my job to myself anyway ..
However, after almost 20 years of this, with me turning 40, mid-life crisis approaching, body deteriorating etc, it's finally time to pursue my own interests in more depth, at least for a while, before it's too late. I don't care if others are paying my way for the moment. I will give back to them later. I think this project is well worth it, both for me, and for society, and I place more trust in my own decision about that, than I would what other people who would think it was "not fair".
As I see it now, this was a very good decision for me.
Hopefully in time, I will be able to contribute something much more valuable than reality-televisionThanks again!
Love is the law, love under will,
Frater Katanoese -
@Katanoese said
"
As I understand it, The Great Work is a lot about working with perspectives, and is more of a tool for discovering the True Will, than it is a candidate for the True Will itself? ..
"you may consider it from this perspective: the Will is the motion, the dynamic of Self, and the Work is that which the motion creates.
"I guess what it boils down to is this:
I am feeling so free, so lucky to be able to structure my days and my work myself .. I feel like something is beginning to pouring out from inside, rather than me just reacting to forces shaping my existence from the outside ..
I dread the prospect of taking a step back again this autumn, and I am desperately looking for a way to take control over my life, to be the source of the happening, rather than the receiver. I imagine - if I could find out the Truth about my existence, I would be able to take the step up and remain in this mode of life, even in the face of the necessity of earning money .."I would say - go with the flow, of life itself. don't try too hard to intellectually grasp the Ultimate Truth, the Ultimate nature of your Will, etc.; as you progress, the mind will become more and more open to deeper levels of consciousness and you'll be gradually more aware of specific aspects of your nature that are all (some more, some less, but all are) important facets of your Work and Will. this comes with experience, and experience includes physical as well as no-physical experience, so dealing with earning money, maintaining your material existence etc. is a part of it.
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Interesting your comment about meaningless work.
One could reasonably say that, in karma yoga, an expected result is that all work becomes meaningless, i.e., there is no differentiated value between one kind of work and another. One goes forward into it solely the sake of work itself.
My most significant breakthrough in conscious knowledge of my True Will came unsought as a consequence of a kind of magical retirement. The key of the retirement was recognizing that the much disliked boss who "expected unreasonable devotion" was, in fact, the perfect object for devotion. I understood at the beginning that it was all service - that any devotion, however unreasonable and disdainful the object, was nonetheless devotion. From pursuing the next three months in that fashion, I had a significant breakthrough.
In that spirit, I wish you nothing but meaningless work.
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@Jim Eshelman said
"Interesting your comment about meaningless work.
One could reasonably say that, in karma yoga, an expected result is that all work becomes meaningless, i.e., there is no differentiated value between one kind of work and another. One goes forward into it solely the sake of work itself.
My most significant breakthrough in conscious knowledge of my True Will came unsought as a consequence of a kind of magical retirement. The key of the retirement was recognizing that the much disliked boss who "expected unreasonable devotion" was, in fact, the perfect object for devotion. I understood at the beginning that it was all service - that any devotion, however unreasonable and disdainful the object, was nonetheless devotion. From pursuing the next three months in that fashion, I had a significant breakthrough.
In that spirit, I wish you nothing but meaningless work.
"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law,
Yes, I think I understand, Jim
I associate your comment on karma yoga with the two last sentences of AL 1:22.Now that I think about it - yes, I can see how this approach can lead to a breakthrough
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When the kind of work itself becomes meaningless, what is there to do but "fill it" with the Will, and in that way becoming conscious of it, right?
..I will keep this in mind .. not only regarding work, but other things as well .. To not prefer anything rather than something else .. To see the opposite perspective in all things ..
All this, and a lot of other stuff that's happening now (such as the control of the intuition and general equilibration) seems very Dominus Liminis to me .. Although I feel all the time that I am missing something from the preliminary grades .. I will continue working and I will check and see what I can find out .. Thank you very much! Much appreciated! Love is the law, love under will,
Frater Katanoese -
@Katanoese said
"Yes, I think I need to choose - but I need to choose from the right motivation, like you say Patrick - I need to trust my intuition and be honest with myself and my choices."
Yes! And what better motivation than the Great Work?
"I was feeling frustrated and pressured into making a quick decision about the money-work .."
You should never feel frustrated or pressured, at least not for long. This doesn't mean you don't have to deal with problems. You do, and it's an important part. (Perhaps it's the main part?) It's part of the Great Work, since for someone who chose to undertake it everything is the Great Work. Of course, you want to do the magical and mystical practices to actually grow spiritually, so you will do whatever is necessary (and reasonable) to put you in a position where you can practice, without the worry of starving to death, for example. But then again, isn't it written "bleesed are the dead that die in the Lord"? Yea, blessed are the dead that die in the Lord!
(Okay, that's not very helpful. But you see my point, I think.)"All this, and a lot of other stuff that's happening now (such as the control of the intuition and general equilibration) seems very Dominus Liminis to me .. Although I feel all the time that I am missing something from the preliminary grades .. I will continue working and I will check and see what I can find out .."
I hope you mean this in a very symbolic way. Yes, you're likely missing pretty much everything from the preliminary grades. Listen to your superior, don't "skip" any grades and don't pull an Achad. OTOH, I'm getting dangerously close of saying when you are or not ready to attain K&C of the HGA, so I stop here.
Speaking of the Holy Guardian Angel, something you are most likely aware of: do not forget Him. He is the goal. Every second of any work is a preparation for union with Him. Everything might seem just like funny ideas at first, but be persistent, you'll have an ever-growing better understanding. Liber LXV (part of your task) is extremely useful to help you start having a better notion of Him instead of just imagining a shiny guy who floats around you, for example. (I'm not saying you do this.)
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Discovering the True Will is, to boil it down to its simplest elements, a process of observation and “course-correction.”
The True Will (hereafter referred to as “will” for ease of typing) is, to use Crowley’s definition, “a course, depending partly on the self, and partly on the environment.” It is thus a term for the natural inclinations of a person in conjunction with the realities of his or her environment. All people would naturally do their will if it were not for one huge problem: the mind tends to distort one’s perception of both self and environment, throwing up conscious and unconscious barriers.
The result is internal dissonance and dissatisfaction. The purpose of studying and practicing a subject like Thelema is to develop a practical method of reducing this internal dissonance over time by ameliorating the distorting tendencies of the mind.
Crowley summarizes the problem that Thelema is designed to solve with a useful example:
"A man may think it is his duty to act in a certain way, through having made a fancy picture of himself, instead of investigating his actual nature. For example, a woman may make herself miserable for life by thinking that she prefers love to social consideration, or vice versa. One woman may stay with an unsympathetic husband when she would really be happy in an attic with a lover, while another may fool herself into a romantic elopement when her only pleasures are those of presiding over fashionable functions."
In other words, our minds tell us that we should do this or that; we intuitively feel we are this or that kind of person, but our Selves are left unsatisfied when we follow these phantasms of the mind.
So how does one discover the will?
First, let’s be clear: the will isn’t something you choose. If you could just choose whatever you wanted to be your will, then Thelema would be completely pointless. You could just pick any old thing and be done with it.
Since the will is comprised of the individual’s natural inclinations, common sense ought to tell you that you don’t get to “pick” it. You don’t “choose” any of the things you’re naturally inclined toward: you discover them through investigation. The word “discover” is useful if we consider that its etymology literally means to remove the covering from something (to dis-cover). The process of discovering the will is less the process of seeking and finding than it is the process of removing veils.
The “process of elimination” model proposed by your OTO friends isn’t exactly wrong – it’s just imprecise and vague. It implies too much of a conscious effort, when the task is really one of clearing away obstacles to perception and awaiting the patterns of one’s natural inclinations to make themselves apparent (also known as “awaiting the indwelling of the Spirit,” to doll it up in flowery – but also unnecessarily obfuscatory – language)
Discovering the True Will, then, entails increasing one’s powers of observation and turning that observation on to the Self and the thoughts in which the mind wraps its perception of Self. The process of discovery requires the individual to locate the specific ways that the mind distorts one’s impression of the universe and (especially) of the Self. It’s vital to understand that this isn’t something you can do in abstract or vague terms: your observations should reveal very specific ways that the mind distorts impressions.
The “discovery” of the will (the dis-covering of it) consists of catching your mind distorting impressions in real time, during your day-to-day life – catching your mind attempting to substitute its preferences for the real preferences of the True Self – and course-correcting in the moment, allowing the actual inclinations (i.e. the “True Will”) to “pour through the veil,” as it were. Doing this is a skill, and like any other skill – say, like driving or playing a musical instrument – it takes time and practice before it starts to become second nature.
Honestly, the advice you have been given by others in this thread is pretty terrible – and to be clear, I’m not attacking people: I’m critiquing ideas. I present the following paragraphs in the spirit of encouraging others to refine their thinking.
The awful advice given so far has been a mixture of flaky sound bites (“Be brave, also. With this, you cannot fail”), meaningless and extremely vague platitudes (“trust your intuition”), and practices that have virtually nothing to do with discovering the True Will (making someone an object of “unreasonable devotion”). You’re not going to gain any insight into yourself by telling yourself that you’re brave all the time, trusting your precious feelings, or devoting yourself to some dude. The only way you’re going to gain any insight into yourself is – hold onto your hat – by observing yourself, frequently and in lots of situations, watching how you react and watching how your mind reacts, and trying your damndest to be honest with yourself.
I realize it must be tremendously comforting to think that all you have to do is just “trust your intuition,” but think of how pointless that advice is: if all you have to do is “trust your intuition,” then why would you need to study a subject like Thelema or put in any work at all?
No, just as someone might “intuitively” think she prefers social consideration to love (or vice versa) by following a “fancy picture” of herself, it’s all too easy to chase after mental phantasms under the banner of “trust* your intuition.” If Thelema is to mean anything at all, it is to require real work and brutal self-honesty. You’re simply not going to gain any insight into yourself by telling yourself that you’re “brave” or by endlessly repeating rituals dreamed up by Victorian freemasons. You’re going to have to hunker down and put in some real effort to get anywhere.
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@Los said
"The awful advice given so far has been a mixture of flaky sound bites (“Be brave, also. With this, you cannot fail”),"
Firstly, it was referring to the Great Work in particular (magical and mystical practices, and what he needs to have in place to do them). Secondly, it's out of context: "this" refers to all the stuff I said before bravery also. (You might disagree with the other stuff too, of course.)
"meaningless and extremely vague platitudes (“trust your intuition”),"
Not meaningless at all. It's not blind trust. Honesty with oneself also comes into play. Sometimes, we have to take risks. As long as we stay on track, no problem. If he perseveres on the Work, he will succeed. None of this contradicts your (mostly very sound) advice, but different people have different needs, and there's no way to set specific guidelines to apply to all. Hence the Great Work.
"and practices that have virtually nothing to do with discovering the True Will (making someone an object of “unreasonable devotion”)."
Well, I wasn't the one who wrote that, but you have totally, utterly missed the point. Sorry.
"You’re not going to gain any insight into yourself by telling yourself that you’re brave all the time,"
Gain insight? Maybe, maybe not. That was not my point. But by being brave (not just telling yourself you are), you keep going on the way, which includes gaining insight into yourself. How could a coward succeed?
"trusting your precious feelings,"
Feelings? Correct, no.
"or devoting yourself to some dude."
If "some dude" is the HGA, then yes, you will gain insight into yourself. But I know that was not what was being referred to, and again I say you missed the point of that.
"The only way you’re going to gain any insight into yourself is – hold onto your hat – by observing yourself, frequently and in lots of situations, watching how you react and watching how your mind reacts, and trying your damndest to be honest with yourself."
Not the only way, but yes, all of this. Being honest with oneself was one of the first things I said.
Just responding to this particular critique. No bone to pick.
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@Los said
"The “discovery” of the will (the dis-covering of it) consists of catching your mind distorting impressions in real time, during your day-to-day life – catching your mind attempting to substitute its preferences for the real preferences of the True Self – and course-correcting in the moment, allowing the actual inclinations (i.e. the “True Will”) to “pour through the veil,” as it were. Doing this is a skill, and like any other skill – say, like driving or playing a musical instrument – it takes time and practice before it starts to become second nature."
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law,
Spot on!
I think this is essentially what others here have been pointing to also .. except your description seems more concrete, practical and useful to me
Thank you!Love is the law, love under will,
Frater Katanoese -
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law,
A quick update -
After a bit of research, I came upon "Sample Ritual #9" in 776 1/2, which resonated strongly with me, and seems to describe a procedure I can benefit greatly from in my situation .. That is - purifying the personality and perceptions, prompting the Khabs to flow out and purify the Khu / aura, and thus hopefully the True Will can not only shine forth and become perceptible to the consciousness, but also become more effective in my life through the more effective and attuned Khu ..I now plan to start preparations for this performance by procuring the necessary ingredients and instruments.
I also think it will be a good idea for me to practising "Liber ThIShARB" for a time before the actual ritual as a preparation.Please share your informed opinions on my plans, and any experience you might have with this procedure that you think will be useful
On my way to the "Treasure House of Images"!
Love is the law, love under will,
Frater Katanoese -
@Katanoese said
"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law,
A quick update -
After a bit of research, I came upon "Sample Ritual #9" in 776 1/2, which resonated strongly with me, and seems to describe a procedure I can benefit greatly from in my situation .. That is - purifying the personality and perceptions, prompting the Khabs to flow out and purify the Khu / aura, and thus hopefully the True Will can not only shine forth and become perceptible to the consciousness, but also become more effective in my life through the more effective and attuned Khu ..I now plan to start preparations for this performance by procuring the necessary ingredients and instruments.
I also think it will be a good idea for me to practising "Liber ThIShARB" for a time before the actual ritual as a preparation.Please share your informed opinions on my plans, and any experience you might have with this procedure that you think will be useful
On my way to the "Treasure House of Images"!
Love is the law, love under will,
Frater Katanoese"0=0 is a funny time, or it was for me. You are not at that point expected to attain particular results, but instead are investigating various things to see what works and what doesn't. At the end of your year your superior would then be armed with your diary and therefore in a position to see what you might need.
Trying to find true will is the work of the Outer College, more specifically it's the work of an 5=6 so you are not expected to do it all before you are even admitted to the AA as a Neophyte.
My advice; enjoy you time as a Probationer, try everything that strikes you as interesting, get experience and get into the habit of putting everything into your diary and reflecting on it and observing the process without jumping to conclusions.
Don't try to run before you can walk.
Consult your Superior, it's what s/he is there for.
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@Archaeus said
"Trying to find true will is the work of the Outer College, more specifically it's the work of an 5=6 so you are not expected to do it all before you are even admitted to the AA as a Neophyte."
Conscious awareness (and even articulation) of True Will is usually a result long before 5=6. There is a tendency to confuse discovery of the True Will with Knowledge & Conversation of the HGA.
Sure, one doesn't have "to do it all" as a Probationer. But that's no reason not to give it a hell of a start if one is so motivated.
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@Jim Eshelman said
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@Archaeus said
"Trying to find true will is the work of the Outer College, more specifically it's the work of an 5=6 so you are not expected to do it all before you are even admitted to the AA as a Neophyte."Conscious awareness (and even articulation) of True Will is usually a result long before 5=6. There is a tendency to confuse discovery of the True Will with Knowledge & Conversation of the HGA.
Sure, one doesn't have "to do it all" as a Probationer. But that's no reason not to give it a hell of a start if one is so motivated.
"That's a very good point actually, thanks for making the distinction. I guess during my own 1=10 I got a much clearer idea of my own True Will, and even had the full blown Vision of Adonai (Much to my shock
) But didn't get any closer to K&C, of which I am in no way qualified to talk about. -
@Archaeus said
"That's a very good point actually, thanks for making the distinction. I guess during my own 1=10 I got a much clearer idea of my own True Will, and even had the full blown Vision of Adonai (Much to my shock
) But didn't get any closer to K&C, of which I am in no way qualified to talk about."Mine (TW disclosure) came in 2=9. It was the big event of 2=9 in many ways, so it's always felt to me like the Tifereth phenomenon reflected into the field of the Moon.
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@Jim Eshelman said
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@Archaeus said
"That's a very good point actually, thanks for making the distinction. I guess during my own 1=10 I got a much clearer idea of my own True Will, and even had the full blown Vision of Adonai (Much to my shock) But didn't get any closer to K&C, of which I am in no way qualified to talk about."Mine (TW disclosure) came in 2=9. It was the big event of 2=9 in many ways, so it's always felt to me like the Tifereth phenomenon reflected into the field of the Moon."
I wouldn't say I've had a full disclosure, more like a series of not-so-subtle hints as to where I should be looking. I got the name of my HGA during 0=0 and had the vision (actually a dream in which I was introduced to A.'.) came along 7 months into 1=10, around the same time a lot of other things in life started to "straighten themselves out".
I can see though how a person might mistake emergence into Yetzirah for K&C, because for me it's been something of an epochal change of perspective and something that I didn't expect to happen in quite such a marked and literal way.
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@Archaeus said
"I can see though how a person might mistake emergence into Yetzirah for K&C, because for me it's been something of an epochal change of perspective and something that I didn't expect to happen in quite such a marked and literal way."
And remember, this is the level comparable to the old GD 5=6: The A.'.A.'. 2=9 initiation is adapted from the GD 5=6 ritual formula; and the functional difference between First and Second Order G.D. was the Assiah vs. Yetzirah distinction. (The same is true in A.'.A.'., actually, since the Second Order formally begins with 2=9.)
My reason for mentioning this is that a lot of the better stuff in print from the old G.D. paradigm will describe 5=6 (including K&C) in terms that are highly characteristic of A.'.A.'. 2=9. These writings can be misleading, especially because the phenomena sound so on-target for what one might expect from the images and words of K&C of HGA.
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@Jim Eshelman said
"
@Archaeus said
"I can see though how a person might mistake emergence into Yetzirah for K&C, because for me it's been something of an epochal change of perspective and something that I didn't expect to happen in quite such a marked and literal way."And remember, this is the level comparable to the old GD 5=6: The A.'.A.'. 2=9 initiation is adapted from the GD 5=6 ritual formula; and the functional difference between First and Second Order G.D. was the Assiah vs. Yetzirah distinction. (The same is true in A.'.A.'., actually, since the Second Order formally begins with 2=9.)
My reason for mentioning this is that a lot of the better stuff in print from the old G.D. paradigm will describe 5=6 (including K&C) in terms that are highly characteristic of A.'.A.'. 2=9. These writings can be misleading, especially because the phenomena sound so on-target for what one might expect from the images and words of K&C of HGA."
That's pretty much the kind of material I've been reading, it's quite plain how the old GD ZAM grade etc correspond to what we now call 2=9 and so on. During my own 1=10 (which I'm still in, but only by a matter of weeks) I went through the old Golden Dawn material as part of a general exploration of the lower part of the Tree of Life, doing everything in Assiah/Malkuth as it were and pathworking my way up to Tiphareth. The whole period was pretty full on, especially as I'm doing a degree at the same time.
I understand that ritual CXX is analogous to the old GD 5=6 (The numbering is a give away) although I've refrained from reading any of the online versions because I don't want to spoil it for myself.
Getting back to the original poster though: If there's one thing I've learned and thus advise I would give is that the best results don't so much come when you are looking for them, but come along almost despite your efforts, in ways that can be very suprising and as a result of simply planing a regime of study and practice and sticking to it. Quite simply, follow out the tasks of each grade faithfully and sure as 1+1=2 the results will follow.
But yes, aspiration to the HGA helps; which is why a 0=0 wears the robe of a 5=6 (more or less)
