sinistralkool
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[deleted]
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Hello.
I can't fix you, but I'll be cool to you.
Be careful of unleashing crazy here. It usually backfires.
To everyone else, maybe leave a little room for Moons in Pisces to be Moons in Pisces. There's no changing that part.
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See your Neptune and Saturn together there in Sagittarius?
You may want a second opinion, but when planets transit it, seems like it could be difficult just about all the time. Nightmarish projections of the inner world on your outer world are possible. Can lead to crazy times.
Just a first thought and open to correction.
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One thing. Just a thought about a common misconception:
"...all things as a particular dealing of the divine with my soul" is not the same thing as "all things as a direct communication from the divine to my soul."
The Divine may have you "dealing" with a temptation or an illusion. It would be a mistake to take it at face value as a "communication."
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93 Hermitas!
Thank you for the welcome. I think you're right to identify the Neptune-Saturn configuration in Sagittarius, as Pluto in Sag would have been transiting conjunct those planets at around the time I had my episode last year. The Sun-Neptune trine in my chart would have been inflamed by the Pluto contact in a fire sign, aggravating tendencies towards self delusion and a confusion of "inner/outer" projections.
You've also identified my misunderstanding of that aspect of the oath; Jim's comments elsewhere on not interpreting every phenomenon as a communication were also helpful, and pinpoint exactly what my mind was doing at the time. My mind was stuck in a strained state of overanalysis to the point that symbols, mental shorthand, were becoming confused with the realities they represented. There's a certain validity to this, in that I feel that a perceived 'logical' connection between any two ideas is largely aesthetic, and agreed upon for the sake of convenient manipulation and navigation of the physical world. Pushed to the absurd points I took it to leads to a breakdown of the membrane between conscious and subconscious content, the ruach assuming any appropriate form to express unacknowledged unconscious content in the most direct way possible, associative rather than logical; evocative narratives as opposed to accurate apprehension. Dust devils! I believe this explains the reason for the rapid ego-inflation along very mundane lines, and I think paranoid schizophrenic delusion works along similar lines.
Though these tendencies existed in me prior to this event, I think to a large degree my 'lust of result' and careless employment of the Mahavidya Yantras and Mantras lead to a premature kundalini event, which further exacerbated all of the above. Though the experience was embarrassing, the psyche's equivalent to shitting one's pants in public, past being necessary, it was useful. Humbling. I am trying to attend to a much more basic set of disciplines now and building on them in a less impatient way.
Eventually, I would like to look at the tantric Mahavidya tradition (the mantra and spells, the obeah and the wanga...) again, as I feel there is much there that may compliment Thelemic thought. I know Crowley wrote a poem on Kali, though the other formulations of shakti energy in the Mahavidya tradition I feel will be more appropriate to explore when I am more balanced and established in the preliminaries.
I appreciate your concern about the crazy, but I will say I've been stable for quite a while now, and have no desire to unleash anything on anyone. Your pointers are appreciated - most posters on the board strike me as friendly and helpful, and I would hope to contribute to that atmosphere.
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Cool.
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Welcome!
I'm quite new here as well, and your story is a very interesting one. Have you succeeded in contacting your mentor yet?By the way, which software did you use to create your natal chart? It looks neat.
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93 FiatYod!
Thanks for the welcome. I haven't heard from him since summer 2014. I have a great deal of respect for him, but, as far as Goetic evocation goes, I would approach things very differently now.
www.astro.com > Free Horoscopes > Natal Chart, Ascendant / Extended Chart Selection
It also gives you the option to select a variety of zodiac and house systems. Free, and if you register you can store quite a few charts there.