College of Thelema: Thelemic Education

@Bereshith said

"
@dknight93 said
"I always believed she was someone who she was really not because of our past encounters and when she cheated on me .I was totally not prepared for it .This somehow could have lead to the fears of being powerless or helpless .Maybe she was right about expectations , that they do cause disappointment. Maybe it was the fear of disappointment that made me do the things I did.She said everybody lies everybody cheats but you don't go around monitoring the other person.What is okay to expect in a relationship ?"

Falling in love - believing that someone is more than they are - these are the universal experience of learning what an incredible gift and power love is while at the same time learning who you can trust with that. They say that when we fall in love, we [almost] always fall in love with an image of a person, not the reality. But in the beginning the image tends to be just so much greater than what is even possible in a mate. You seem really worried about what it must mean about you that you allowed yourself to so greatly love an illusion. But what does it mean about you? Something terrible?

Not the way I look at it. It could also mean that you were brave enough to risk going "all in" to a relationship. Some people can't - won't allow themselves to do so. But you did, and you're developing the experiences that will help you to discern both what you want from a relationship and what you may reasonably expect from another actual human being.

Now, to the point of her saying that cheating is to be expected, and to you wondering now what may even be reasonable to expect... You just gotta find someone who wants the same things that you want from a monogamous relationship. Happens all the time..."

Love needs two. It is a relationship, it is out
going, it is energy moving outwards. There is an object: the beloved. The object becomes more important than yourself. Your joy is in the object. If your beloved is happy, you are happy; you become part of the object. There is a kind of dependence, and the other is needed. Without the other you will feel lonely.It makes you so dependent it's crazy.

At the end of it both the partners feel like .
We've been in this relationship for too long now and neither of us is learning or growing from it, spiritually or mentally, we're blocking each other soo much and it's soo important for us to realize this is because one person is too much in this relationship (In this case me), I let it effect so much more than it should and that's not healthy for us.

I'm not going to avoid love. I'm going to go through with it, with all its pains. Yes, it hurts, but in fact, all those hurts strengthen me. Sometimes it really hurts badly, terribly, they provoke me, challenge me if I can be strong enough to think straight enough to move on, to make me less sleepy. Osho says "All those dangerous situations are necessary to make you alert. Love prepares the ground, and in the soil of love the seed of meditation can grow -- and only in the soil of love.
".How can you meditate with so much hurt and traces of anxiety.

Love is the only possibility of losing yourself totally. When you are lost totally, then you will be able to remember what you have done.But that does not change anything .Your lost at the end.

Everything her is stopping me from moving on ? How is this love under will ?

@Bereshith said

"They say it takes at least 6 months to get over the loss of a relationship. There is some brain chemistry involved, and it can be very much like attempting to break an addiction - and seeking to have it again - and seeking to break it again, etc.. So, yeah, there is a lot of emotional back and forth before somethings just finally "breaks" or "clicks" and you feel done. That addiction analogy (if it IS only an analogy and not a brain-chemical fact) is worth spending time with. You may need to make that addiction your enemy - if you are able yet to decide you don't want it and determine that you will not allow yourself to want it.

Being betrayed in a relationship can make a person very insecure and can lead to the great quest for "WHY? WHY? WHY!!" and "Can it be fixed and had again?!" It can be really difficult to overcome, and it can't be overcome unless the other person is very willing to work with the insecurity and mistrust they created. Such willingness isn't that common because it means the betrayer has to endure being constantly reminded of their betrayal and the insecurity it caused in the betrayed. There has to be a pretty serious commitment there on their part.

just thoughts..."

I always believed she was someone who she was really not because of our past encounters and when she cheated on me .I was totally not prepared for it .This somehow could have lead to the fears of being powerless or helpless .Maybe she was right about expectations , that they do cause disappointment .Maybe it was the fear of disappointment that made me do the things I did.She said everybody lies everybody cheats but you don't go around monitoring the other person.What is okay to expect in a relationship ?

@Uni_Verse said

"You ended a heavy entanglement,
A lot of energy to be redirected
Keeps falling into old habits
Now is the time to make new ones centered on Self"

This is what I really want to do .I'm looking into ways of understanding my mental , my emotional and my physical body .Understand my belief system .Reprogram it to maximum efficiency and make myself strong enough to not be so naive to give how much I am getting to ensure a balance a little up and down is okay but trying to make it unconditional so I lose myself in it is not a good idea.I'm trying to build a belief system based on Aleister Crowley's way of thinking and the Thelemic religion which is free of insecurities and fear (except fear itself).Any advice or resources that would help me do this would be lovely

@Avshalom Binyamin said

"You might find the Enneagram personality typing system useful, especially personality type 5. One of the core lessons for that personality is avoiding the temptation to replace actual experiences with mental constructs. That sounds pretty similar to what you're mentioning.

From personal experience, I've had a lot of issues with insecurity and self-doubt. I decide not to act on my feelings when they crop up. I sit with them, and just ponder the thread of causation. Like you are now. When I reach a deeper level of security, I make my decisions of how to act then. The insecurity hasn't gone away (it can still get triggered), but it does take back seat, and it can be disarmed."

True I totally get what you mean .I reached the deeper level of security by acceptance . I was worried of what people would think of me and stuff but I really accepted myself because I did not want to be perfect or anything of the sort in peoples minds .I have the courage to know that I am a human being and I find ways of fulfilling my needs and they are not always right but if i dint try then how would I know .I am an eternal learner .I am both light and dark and I now find all of me beautiful .Your right the insecurity does pop up but thinking or meditating to eventually become lucid and then approaching the situation helps .

@kasper81 said

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@dknight93 said
"
I don't want to be looked at like this is makes me feel like a bad person . I tried I don't want anything to do with her .It makes me get scared of my own self .I need this feeling to go away ."

If you talk to other women you will see that no one woman is special. Stop thinking women are goddesses or angels. They are not: angels dont need to eat food and use a toilet to sh.it: angels and goddesses dont grow old or grow facial hair or complain and most importantly they are DISMEBODIED. If you go out and talk to different women .eg.. "excuse me i saw you over there i think you're really attractive and i would like your number" then you will get over this self inflicted masochistic unhealthy thrill, Be a man and do this and you will see in a few weeks how embarrasing this thread will look. This is a Thelema forum here we are hard on ourselves here we work hard and we test our limits we dont waste our time on lovesick trances. Do some magical work and do this other task

cheers"

You are right I did exaggerate her existence .But that does not mean that I am not on my way to meeting other women .You have to understand that I made her my whole life for over a year therefore reflection is necessary or I will have her again with another face . I let it sideline all my friends and therefore now I am first spending time reconnecting with them. I have understood never to give so much power to anybody again .Cause she had people at the back who just wanted to have fun but I never did because even before we got together I was only thinking about her .I realize now how unhealthy that is .And it is my life and no one else should have so much control over it but me .

@Avshalom Binyamin said

"
We have compensatory personality traits that we've adopted to protect us from painful fears about ourselves. When something threatens this arrangement, we feel awful, until we are able to bolster that compensatory personality, and regain our normal pattern.

A breakup is a painful situation that triggers a different reaction for each person, based on our personality. For you, the reaction is to try to gain information obsessively. This is a way of trying to gain control and power, in a situation that threatens your security. So you might ponder you reaction to flush out your root fears being triggered. They might be fears of being powerless or helpless. You could do exercises to help you become aware of these mechanisms, and begin to move to a deeper layer of yourself, where these fears and compensation methods don't matter."

True there was a sense of lack of trust that was created when she cheated on me and that triggered a lack of trust because I dint want to keep telling her that I did not trust her , I kept tabs on her instead .That made me feel like I was one step ahead .I realize now that this is not a competition and whats the point of being in love with someone if you have to be one step ahead of them .I realized these things too late .Three days after the breakup and came clean to her and she just wanted me to leave her alone and not to justify anything .

I learned from this whole experience that I must never hold back any of my feelings to create a false sense of security because the fact is that she loved me and she would have still loved me if I was not one step ahead.Gaining information is not going to give me any kind of control because Control is just an illusion in a relationship .I am working on my intuition instead .following it so that I don't have to live with regrets but I still find myself regretting not discovering these things a week or so ago I could have saved my relationship.

Before going to pick up my stuff , She said to me "I mean you don't even understand how hard this is for me..
Attachment.
Obsession.
Expectation.
and then trust."

She says its like an invasion of privacy that makes her not feel safe.

She thinks I'm obsessed with her and the situation and is telling me that she just needs her space right now and wants to move on with her life and suggests I do the same .

I don't want to be looked at like this is makes me feel like a bad person . I tried I don't want anything to do with her .It makes me get scared of my own self .I need this feeling to go away .

I was with her for 14 months .It ended because of trust Issue's .We were really close .

Yea not that much though.I think its really subconscious .Because I have been programming my self exaggerating her existence .Thinking she is my soulmate or something.I don't think I could be consciously be presenting myself in a certain way to attract a certain result.

I'm not obsessive otherwise.I have been in 9 relationships before this and have been with many girls besides her .They all ended pretty easily and I moved on quite easily maybe barring one because she lied to me so I spent a little time finding out the truth but nothing even remotely compared to this .I think I am only obsessive about her .It's a weaker side of me .It's pretty obsessive .It is about the sensations I felt within with her , with her help .I guess I was dependent on her for sensations that make my astral body feel complete. Unlocking some sensations which made me feel special.

Thanks for the exercises . I will start practicing them.

Everything you mentioned is the worst scenario .I don't want to feel these things.I just sense hopes thats it

@Jim Eshelman said

"

PS - It's evident that you really don't trust yourself. There's some way you feel you will let yourself down, some way that you're actually being disloyal to yourself. (On this, I'm 100% certain.) Think about that. Put your attention on your own betrayal of yourself.
"

I don't believe so .Or I don't fully understand what your saying

I just got out of a relationship .I have been studying Thelema for a while now .What a part of me has become is scaring me .

It's about what comes next,

I know that I have made it my nature to want to know things about my ex and I have my twisted ways of doing so but I just get soo obsessed with knowing that I don't realize consciously or subconsciously or maybe even unconsciously that actually, My whole world revolves around knowing things like whats going on in her life that I lose myself and don't pay any attention to the things that matter most, this is soo unhealthy and this whole experience has made me realize that I am loosing myself in her. It's not good for me. I'm making myself understand that I am living for myself and my world does not revolve around her or her life.But its crazy I have a strange need to know , maybe because I did not trust her due to her lack of loyalty that surfaced a year ago but did not seem to be the case now but I still needed to know and it gives me a bad image of myself . I have to have experiences of my own, really live for me. It is really hard .We really spent almost all our free time together .We were with each other almost the entire week except for when we really could not .

The worse part is I am consciously aware of it and still can't get myself to do anything to change this

I need to get my life back on track .Not only my spiritual practice but everything is suffering .

@Avshalom Binyamin said

"
"Im going crazy I need a little help here ."

Just a hunch here, but if the missing items are drugs, then stopping them might be of help.

When we're feeling more crazy than we can handle, then we need to step away from the mind-altering [drugs, magick, activities] and ground ourselves in things like rest, work, nutrition, exercise, etc., until we feel sane again."

Its not a consumable item .Its a data storage unit .Besides I do not take drugs and have not had any alcohol in the last few days and maybe smoked one cigarette a day .So I doubt any of that could have clouded my judgement.

Its not feeling more crazy than I can handle.Its a feeling where I don't understand how things are happening and its messing with me .But I can always distract myself in such a way that I'm a little less affected by it when I think about it again .

@Avshalom Binyamin said

"
"I am not okay with losing the item in question. [. . .] I only keep secrets that my whole self is ok with keeping hidden"

I didn't mean that you were consciously ok with losing the item. And I wasn't trying to impose a judgment on you. But if your whole self was behind keeping it hidden, it would have stayed hidden. A whole self with a united will is unstoppable.

I was going on your post, which said you lost something important, because you were in a hurry, and it wasn't the first time. There are very interesting things that happen when we make ourselves more aware of our role in all of our "negative" events. It's very empowering.

"What do you think would help me remember the lost items ."

Any of those practices you mention, designed to bring our subconscious impulses to conscious awareness. I think the question is: did you lose the items in the sense that you forgot where you left them? or did you lose them in the sense that you put them somewhere (like the trash) where they would be unable to recover?"

What I'm going to to tell you is going to sound quite crazy but as far as I remember its true so I found one half of the important thing I had lost right where I remember seeing it last .Im pretty sure that I checked that place after which I kept it in a box and a box in a section in the bag and that was like yesterday and now I went to my best friends house who says he is in communication with an entity and then when I came back I emptied my bag and everything else was there in it besides the box .Im going crazy I need a little help here .

@danica said

"dknight93,

you're leaving out the possibility that those things got lost due to an intervention of another party - perhaps some (un?)friendly domestic spirits, or aliens, or some benevolent and helpful Higher Force(s) ... "

Do you guys think it could have something to do with an entity messing with my best friends life .He encountered two cat eyes floating in the air & a lot of fright in a Lsd experience & since then he communicate's with him in a subliminal way ( everything he sees & hears has two meanings )
One- the general thing that it is happening & then the second that it is controlled by the entity in order to explain something to him
or simply communicate with him
& he hacks all the functions of the mental bodies ( which in turn hack all other function in all other bodies )
& in such a way that the person he hacks has no clue ( he thinks that he is generally processing )
He can also tune his state of mind psychoactively to other realms, control his dreams, astral body & he can also show him visual illusions.
He can basically control any animal, insect, human in any way
& he controls all his circumstances & communicates with him, doesn't answer his questions directly but helps him research and understand information
He has scared him two times hardcorely
& since then is just doing mischief sometimes
& is also helping him figuring out things
but doesn't answer his questions directly ( This is the way my friend describes him)

@Veronica said

"I could be wrong here,
But it sounds like something else is really the issue...

Something found that would bring shame??

And you lost it.

Again, after you promised?

You dont want to get caught, or shamed... (!?)
Yet you do not move slowly and carefully
To prevent....

One lesson I learned on how to find things, is how to loose things....

I am a natural at finding things, and I do this by following my heart....your excersizes are mental, except for the dreams..."

This is the only thing there is nothing else .

Again, after you promised?

I promised myself and the cosmic force that helped me the first time that I would not be careless again .It was not the same thing it was a different thing this time .

I do a lot of things within my world which I would like kept private .Evidence of these things is what I want to keep a secret .

@Avshalom Binyamin said

"No kidding.

At the very least part of you had to be "ok" with losing the item in question.

Those techniques are pretty good, but probably not in the sense that they will help you remember lost items. Rather, they'll probably help you learn to listen to a big part of yourself, which might give you clues about how to avoid creating conflicts between different parts of your life.

Secrets have a way of escaping, so it's best to either learn to be ok with a secret that gets revealed, or learn to only keep secrets that your whole self is ok with keeping hidden."

I am not okay with losing the item in question.

Yeah another thing that I could use would be Remote Viewing it struck me after I posted .What do you think would help me remember the lost items .

I only keep secrets that my whole self is ok with keeping hidden

Just before taking a trip , I was in a hurry , I lost something , something that if recovered in the proper way could put me and my loved ones to shame .The probability of such a thing happening is quite little but it still causes me a huge level of not being comfortable with myself .The truth is that this is not something that is happening for the first time .It is the second time .The first time I prayed to the cosmic forces with a complete surrender and promised to be more careful with Important things .I then managed to somehow remember where it was .I was filled up with happiness .This time the things were a lot smaller and a lot harder to find .I came up with the fact that maybe I could figure out a way to work with my subconscious to be able to gain a high enough control over it to figure where it was I left it and if i am not able to find it I should be able to know what happened to it .It might sound crazy but I believe it is possible .I have found a set of exercises I can use to work with my subconscious.I need you guys to tell me how effective the whole thing can be and tell me if there could be anything I'm missing out on or if something you have tried has proven more effective .

Practice "Stream of Consciousness" writing. Take 5-10 minutes, and write whatever comes immediately to mind, and just keep writing no matter how dull, strange, weird, or whatever it sounds. Although at first this will channel my conscious mind, it will bring up unconscious thoughts.

Learn to Meditate. I have heard about lots of meditations Osho Meditations , Chakra Meditations , Guided Meditations , Violet Flame Meditations , Buddhist Meditations , Shamanic Meditations , Binaural Beats .The list is endless so I need to know what you guys suggest ? What do you guys as Thelemites do ?

Take an Art Class. The creative process in art of all types of art help tap into the subconscious. By taking seemingly disparate elements together, I may learn to use more of my mind to solve problems.

Learn about the Subconscious The more you learn about the human mind, the more you can use it to enhance your life. What do you guys suggest could be the best resources .

Practice Positive Self-Talk & Affirmations.I'm in process of making my own affirmations .

Visualize. This is one of the most significant keys to success. Actively picturing yourself achieving a goal will help you actually achieve it.
Have you guys had some exceptional success with one of them

Study briefly just before bedtime. This is especially helpful for things that require memorization. If you review your periodic table, your Latin vocabulary list, or your football play book just before sleeping, your subconscious will likely process it throughout the night for you.

Pay attention to your dreams. Your deeper mind will sometimes try to sort out your life issues through dreams. If you pay attention to them, write them immediately down, and reflect on it, you may get insight to the problem at hand.

Listen to Your Intuition. Your intuition is a way your mind has of warning you to dangers or opportunities before your conscious mind has all the information. If you get an "uh-oh" feeling about a person or situation, listen. This is often a key step in avoiding tragedy.

I believe combining these practices I can get closer to my goal .What do you guys think ?

Hello Friends ,
I have this solution that i still have to find .I have been focused towards the spiritual , the paranormal , the out of the ordinary since 24th August last year .Thelema and Hermetics being the center of this approach .Aleister Crowley is an inspiration to me .I live a busy life persueing my Bachelors degree along with another side by side diploma , focusing on my body at the gym and I now want to make Thelema and Hermetics a part of my daily life .Now to do this I need to eliminate the bullshit from my life .So I made a list of all the people who were not positive influences , the people who caused controversy , the people who were no use to me and never would be and some other similar cases and made a conscious effort to stay away from these people ,which i think I have done a fairly good job of doing .Now I have two kinds of situations still left which I need to eliminate .Firstly , when people speak something completely untrue behind my back about me and the word travels to me through some of the people that are close to me it lands up causing a lot of anger, frustration ,anxiety like for example when somebody says they beat me up before something which they have never been able to do before in fact the guy has never been able to lay a finger on me , he goes around telling this to a girl who is close to me .I can't possibly personally deal with every such situation that arises and it causes tremendous loss of focus and makes me disoriented.One of my loved one's has a problem with Alcoholism and whenever they go out , I get worried its hard for me to trust that they can take care of themselves and there are just other people out there who just irritate other people for no good reason , and if any such problem arises its a complete loss of focus for me again and I just cannot get back immediately my mind remains occupied by this stuff .I need some guidance .

Thank you everyone for your directions to some wonderful resources.I really appreciate it.

@Q789 said

" Unless you have a solid foundation on magick you will not be able to use O. i imagine, that like myself, you have(or should be practising) designing your own rituals and by the time you can understand the effect of O you should be quite capable of understanding where in the ritual O is to be placed etc etc.

O is singularly the most powerful tool for use of the Priest- i cannot emphasize this enough. High magick most dependent on it.

What you do of course is your business and i am not to tell you what to do. I beleive, however, that Israel Regardie wrote 'Mass of the holy ghost'. However, it does not give specific details on the inner workings. Grant hints at it- and the rest is up to you. There is a reason why 1 few actually have experienced- in a magical sense O. That is few ever pick up on what happens- on the inside and 2 I deeply beleive Crowley did not give specifics because he knew that Priest true would work it out anyhow.

Quite aside from that i suggest you get a foundation in Freud and Willhelm Reich.

Q"

Thank You for the high level of detail and the directions to some amazing work.

What according to you guys is a "a solid foundation on magick" ?

Out of your experience can you suggest a good way to " have(or should be practising) designing your own rituals" ?

For Freud and Willhelm Reich can you give me some specifics and why Psychoanalysis ?

@Surg said

"dknigh93, you have step by step instructions on building rituals in Liber O. Just do that, and use sex as the engine of it.
At least that is the way I do it.
Also, Energized Enthusiasm, Liber 811. A good read."

LIBER O VEL MANVS ET SAGITTÆ SVB FIGVRÂ VI Correct ?

Just out of curiosity how do you organize all your resources especially with all the Liber books ?

@Swamiji said

"It seems to me that every single ritual Crowley wrote was a "sex ritual". But I'm guessing you're looking for the more explicit juicy stuff?"

I actually have a partner that I want to give the gift of thelema to ,She is somebody i intimately connect with therefore Sex Ritual

@Avshalom Binyamin said

"I for one don't like to imagine Thelema as being somehow immune to all the same problems of every other human endeavor. I think the benefits and perils of religions and belief systems also apply to Thelema. Practices at the individual and group level, designed to loosen the grip of intellectualism and dogma, are one solution."

Practices at the individual level such as ?

I have been drawn to Crowley's work since the time I set my eyes on it .Even though Crowley does not have a particular Step by Step study approach like the kind you find with Franz Bardon , Starting from Initiation into Hermetics going forward .The Law Is for All: The Authorized Popular Commentary of Liber Al Vel Legis Sub Figura Ccxx, the Book of the Law is also out of stock , so I am thinking of getting Initiation in the Aeon of the Child: The Inward Journey as my starting book as I want to get the most I can in the clearest possible manner .

I don't want to form myself around Thelema , I want Thelema to merge with me

Many People are already aware of the difference between Spirituality and Religion.They realize that having a belief system - a set of thoughts you regard as the absolute truth does not make you spiritual no matter what the nature of those spiritual beliefs is .In fact the more you make your thoughts into your identity the more cut off you are from the spiritual dimension within yourself .How does this apply to Thelema since it is considered in places to be a religion and as far as I know , I may be wrong though has a belief system.

Is their nothing by Crowley or of the Thelemic way of life that gives you a specific step by step ritual ? Like the way they do in the books by Donald Michael Kraig .All the stuff I can find The Liber A'ash vel Capricorni,Liber Cheth,Stellae Rubeae and The Liber DCCCXI - Energised Enthusiasm is all so hard to understand with no specific experiences to have with it.Crowley experimented most of the time then why are all the books of his order all theory ? Maybe its just because Im new to the Thelemic way of life that I dont understand and that is irritating me no end.The only thing so far in my exploration I have found that is even remotely easy to understand is J Daniel Gunther's -Initiation in the Aeon of the Child but as far as I have discovered it has nothing to do with Sex Magick and a few other aspects of thelema that interest me .The language in most of the Thelemic Books is not modern and that adds to the difficulty of understanding them.I feel like a fish diving into the ocean of Thelema and is lost before he can even enter.

So I've decided after the morning with the loved ones to add a past life meditation and I'm thinking of doing something which signifies how this year is going to be my stepping stone to bring about mental physical emotional and spiritual success in my life , something like the dedication ritual you spoke about .Still need a few suggestions and details with it though .

What about someone long distance .Asia , India ?