@dknight93 said
"
Love needs two. It is a relationship, it is out
going, it is energy moving outwards. There is an object: the beloved. The object becomes more important than yourself. Your joy is in the object. If your beloved is happy, you are happy; you become part of the object. There is a kind of dependence, and the other is needed. Without the other you will feel lonely.It makes you so dependent it's crazy.
At the end of it both the partners feel like .
We've been in this relationship for too long now and neither of us is learning or growing from it, spiritually or mentally, we're blocking each other soo much and it's soo important for us to realize this is because one person is too much in this relationship (In this case me), I let it effect so much more than it should and that's not healthy for us.
I'm not going to avoid love. I'm going to go through with it, with all its pains. Yes, it hurts, but in fact, all those hurts strengthen me. Sometimes it really hurts badly, terribly, they provoke me, challenge me if I can be strong enough to think straight enough to move on, to make me less sleepy. Osho says "All those dangerous situations are necessary to make you alert. Love prepares the ground, and in the soil of love the seed of meditation can grow -- and only in the soil of love.
".How can you meditate with so much hurt and traces of anxiety.
Love is the only possibility of losing yourself totally. When you are lost totally, then you will be able to remember what you have done.But that does not change anything .Your lost at the end.
Everything her is stopping me from moving on ? How is this love under will ?"
Some things....
You seem to be in a lot of emotional pain. There's no pithy comment or bit of wisdom that will change that immediately. You can't shortcut the grieving process. You have to go through it. Have you ever seen Kubler-Ross's "Stages of Grief"? It doesn't really make anyone feel better, but it does reveal a common process that many people experience, and it may reveal some light at the end of the tunnel. I encourage you to check it out.
I'd also like to recommend a book that helped me greatly: [www.amazon.com/Coming-Apart-Relationships-Through-Ending/dp/1573241776:3jdw4n8p]](http://www.amazon.com/Coming-Apart-Relationships-Through-Ending/dp/1573241776:3jdw4n8p). I found it very helpful, and it's usually in the Self-Help section of your local bookstore. It's worth the money and the read.
But, I mean... You have to go through the emotions of loss. They are simply unavoidable. You'll probably feel the same way everyday for a while. After some time, though, you get exhausted by it, and then you get tired of it - tired of attempting to revisit those golden memories and having it trigger nothing but floods of grief. You recontact that love within yourself, but it only causes grief instead of joy. But it's still the love you're touching. But... it gets old. It slowly loses its power, and you begin desiring to make another, better attempt as another, better you with another, better partner.
After a while, you'll catch a day where you only thought about it once. Then you'll regress. Then you'll catch another day where you don't think about it at all. Then you'll regress a couple of days. Then you may have two days where you don't think about it. Back and forth... until one day... a lot of people describe (including myself) getting to a point where it just "breaks." And you feel done with it. And it all lifts. But, honestly, that's probably months away, and there's no shortening it.
Try not to worry about how you currently match up to "will under love" and all the Thelemic ideals. You're grieving, and you can't be expected to just decide and stop feeling. That would actually be a symptom that something is going unhealthily wrong. Instead, consider your ideals as something you are learning about through experience and evolving toward ever more successfully, even through this experience.
In the mean time, take walks or find some other way to get your body moving to burn off some of those stagnant chemicals and energies created by all the anxiety. Try creating an affirmation of what you know yourself to be beyond your current circumstances or an affirmation that describes yourself in the present as you would like to happily be in the future. That kind of stuff works, but you'll argue with it at first. Just keep directing your mind to it for several minutes a day. It'll eventually win.
All the best, man.