Thanks for the welcoming guys. I found out about this forum from this video " A Pathway To Adepthood: The Method of A∴A∴ – James A. Eshelman " www.youtube.com/watch?v=T96_AOYwi.
I'll see what joining the local OTO brings.
All I can say is that I am sick and tired of intellectual occultism. I want experiences, experiences not unlike those I have already had, but to have them more regularly and routinely.
One of the regular spiritual experiences I have had is one like I imagine myself fighting an army and energy is rushing up my spine and spinning around my body, to the point where it is embarrassing if anybody sees me. The experience itself is fantastic and usually brought on by listening to heavy metal in meditation, but the visions are getting a bit old and I want something a little bit less of a warrior experience and more of a relative to my life.
About 10 years ago when I first stumbled across books like the Necronomicon and the Goetia, I would focus on and draw sigils from these books and ask them questions like "what is life?" and "what is the purpose of life". I would practice them in such a way before going to bed that they would interact with my dreams, I would sleep for about an hour and then spring out of bed in shock having had vivid dreams with answers to the questions.
One time I asked "why are we here?" and in my dream I saw a golden sunset ahead of me, and 3 naked childlike figures holding hands in a meditation posture in a triangle form. Then a voice said some thing like "The one God experienced great pain in a static state and divided itself into many pieces, our subjective lives are an anesthetic to the immortal soul." while this was happening the 3 childlike figures holding hands in the shape of a triangle started to spin and rise up into the dark sky, I remember seeing the orange glow of the sunset around them, and as they rose my heart began to pound faster and faster and then I woke up and I was like "WOOOOAAHHHH!!!!!!".
So I think I have something to offer the tradition of magick, I see so many people who want to be magicians staring into scrying mirrors trying to get themselves to believe something is happening, really trance is everything when it comes to the living breathing experience of magick, and it's just not talked about enough in the current books available.