College of Thelema: Thelemic Education

I feel like I'm on fire

I've read the first 4 chapters.. I'll have to read the second part.. "Yoga for Yellowbellies"

I did a little searching, perusing for old threads, and I decided this question wouldn't be totally trite because its a bit broad the way I am presenting it... Basically, until I get my own place (which won't happen for a year to two years, since I must graduate college and then find a decent job), I feel that my spiritual practice at home is basically limited to meditation/yoga. In other words, I'm not going to engage in ritual, at least to any degree of complexity, and no, you can't convince me to 'just be honest and open' about it, either. Everyone around here thinks I'm crazy, which means I basically have to wear masks all the time. Until of course I've purified myself, in which case I'll just be like an empty container and my ego will dissolve and I won't need to wear masks anymore...

In any event, I'm a little...hmm...concerned, about the 'correctness' and therefore efficacy of my yoga/asana/meditation practices. This is the only practice I've taken up. I can honestly say, as incorrect as my posture/breathing probably is, I have still noticed a definite transformation in my being and my moment-to-moment consciousness. I'd say for the past 5-6 months I've been meditating 1-2 hours a day. I just do the God position since I find it easiest, sitting with a straight spine in chair, with eyes closed. I do slow deep breathing all the while...and I do various things. Sometimes I visualize the golden lotus opening and closing over the heart in synchronization with inhalation and exhalation of the lungs, sometimes I concentrate on the tatwas as described by Crowley... And I have about 5-6 'spiritual' things I spend time meditating on every day so I don't forget about the divine... Like infinite space.. etc. Hmm...

So, the point is, I know that these meditations have definitely transformed my consciousness for the better. I can just notice it, its quite obvious, actually. Just walking around the other day.. I was at some like festival we have in town every 6 months. I went to it last time, 6 months ago, before I started meditating. And when I was walking around at this festival, everything looked about the same, you know, but 6 months of meditating 1-2 hours a day had elapsed, and I know this doesn't sound like major business, just 1-2 hours of meditation a day, but I could readily discern that my consciousness had changed in a marked degree. I don't know if I should rightly attribute this change entirely to the meditation, because as I've said, 1-2 hours a day doesn't seem like a such a big deal. One way or another I know that I've developed a greater spiritual center in me, a greater awareness of the present moment, general calmness, less prone to frustration...greater 'control of thought' I suppose.

But I want to make sure I'm doing this stuff right... I looked around and there's like one or two places in town where they teach yoga, but one of them is just this free session they give at booksamillion that sounds kind of wimpy, and the other is like at the Gym so I'm sure its probably more exercise-oriented "yoga" and not really the spiritual discipline. I guess I shouldn't judge before I check it out, but I'm somewhat discouraged already about the potentials of meeting anyone who can really teach me in this area as it stands. Therefore I made this thread. Maybe someone can give me some practical advice..to ensure I'm doing these asana/meditation practices as well as I can? I really care about executing these practices as effectively as possible, especially considering the fact, as I said before, that this is really the only spiritual practice I will actively engage in for a year or two at least.

If I can't get ahold of the Muller version of the Thoth tarot, whats the second best production?

No, I mean I already look generally strange because I wear clothes that I like and I have a lot of messy hair and show a disregard for modern trends of fashion or self-grooming you know ... No... I don't mind looking strange at all... but in my environment, the situation can grow increasingly oppressive to the degree I allow myself to unveil my total nonconformity ... I've seen it happen before ... My parents are zombies of modern marvels, they've wanted to see me put on medication for a very long time because its easier for them psychologically to pigeonhole me as Insane so they don't have to deal with the idea that there are human beings in the world who actively engage their minds with the great mystery of the endless horizon of being instead of consistently trying to close the inward eye from all perception of subtle and spiritual things, etc, etc

I'm at a rather small local college. Not a very big campus... maybe 6-8 buildings or so. I'd be hardpressed just to find a place to meditate without looking strange.

Ha! Never thought of that. I'll try that and see how it works .

Oh and one other question. It might sound silly. Anyways I was reading Israel Regardie's "One Year Manual" and decided I would like to follow out his instructions... He kind of revised Crowley's Liber Jugorum where he talks about cutting yourself when you violate a set regulation that you've imposed upon yourself. Well I'm not going to do it...Anyways if you haven't read Regardie's book, he recommends using an electric shocker. I'm trying to find out about a good reliable shocker. I was looking on amazon and there are a variety of such prank electric shock toys but most of them apparently are cheaply made and don't last very long. I would like a reliable unit or else I'm just going to have to stock up on cheap prank toys to administer the shock when I disobey myself. So any recommendations on that?

I have some general questions floating around in my mind, and I am quite cognizant of all the rules about how yr not supposed to give concrete instructions to a "probationer". If you have any advice to offer, that would be helpful. Just some general questions...

I've taken to meditation after reading Crowley and tons of other mystic/occult literature over the course of a year or so. Meditation is the only real 'practice' I've taken up. It has proved very helpful and made me realize as many books as I've read and will assuredly continue to scour, looking within is the best way to attain knowledge of anything of practical import to the individual psyche.

My first question regards Astral Travel, something I'm very interested in. I don't know much on the subject. This thing has been happening to me for a while now, up to a year. A particular phenomena, it reminds me quite a bit of childhood. basically when I'm lying in bed at night before I fall asleep, and I am still quite awake, I'll begin seeing things, plain as day. A night or two ago I saw a bunch of spirals of light that then formed into a definite face that I could perfectly well see. The face wore these spectacles. It removed the glasses and then this super bright light came out of its right eye until the whole vision just became spiralling swirls of light again. All of this I saw very plainly. I'm wondering if this is what they call Astral Travel? Or the "astral plane" atleast. It seems to fit the descriptions I've read concerning the astral plane or the astral light.

Rationally/logically, I know that these fluid 'visions' are generated when my brain is relaxed to a point where my consciousness or my ego or whatever is no longer predominant. I'm not yet dreaming, I am simply in an incredibly receptive state. So by extension I wholeheartedly believe that this state should be readily accessible through meditation. I simply haven't been able to accomplish this yet. So,, any advice/books on the subject that you think will really help me? Or should I just set the alarm clock two hours distant and stay in Asana meditating for a huge amount of time hoping to relapse into this receptive state where I'll be able to see with my inner eyes?

The other question basically pertains to any other practices I should take up. I guess the banishing ritual of the pentagram Ive refrained from this point from taking up any real occult rituals because I felt my understanding of the symbolism was lacking and therefore I would just be going through the motions without a real grasp of the thing I was communicating to the ethers/my subconscious self/whatever else bears witness to said rituals, etc. Any help? Eh? Eh?

Well cool . I wanted a Thoth tarot deck and Im sorry but 100 dollars is an outrage for any deck of cards no matter how magickal etc

Thats surprising, considering there are some Thoth decks over 100 dollars on amazon. Well, that contents me... Definetly planned on obtaining a tarot deck, hopefully Thoth...Thanks for the advice

hey, i've an honest inquiry

i myself have been wanting to get a tarot deck for some time...might ask for one for xmas or something...or probably just buy one when i get the extra dough.

ive seen the Waite deck, and its pretty good

but i really want the Thoth deck for its rich symbolism and imagery

now...ive noticed there is like one Thoth deck that is over $100, one thats in the $50-$80 range, and then theres this one:

www.amazon.com/Crowley-Thoth-Tarot-Ausgabe-Karten/dp/3905021188/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1257110366&sr=8-2

which is only like $30.

$80+ seems like a helluva price for a tarot deck...just dont know if i can shell out that kind of dough. do you think the one in the link i posted would still suit my fancy better then the Rider/Waite deck?

I read through this thread and decided I wanted to post. I know basically that I am in a probationary phase... I had some dreams about two weeks ago with all these perfect symbolic correspondences to path 32 of the Qabalah ala 777... Events in my life lately have been leading up to my necessary move towards independence. I won't really bore you with details.

I'm not going to ask anyone to give me dead-on instructions in what I should do as a 'Probationer'. Needless to say I have been practicing this Asana for a while now, since I decided to make the plunge into the business of actual practicing the control of the mind. I have 'bound' myself to this duty in a way, and I have a chain I wear to symbolize that I am binding myself to this work even if it has a bitter taste sometimes.

Sorry I'm evading the question. My problem is this: most of the rituals, the banishing and invoking rituals, I have to admit, as much as I would like to engage in these practices, and really as much as I feel they are necessary to really gain a comprehensive view of Crowleys system towards mystical attainment, well... I'm living with my parents, I'm 20 years old and a College student. And they already think I'm mad. Trust me, they do. They live in their small little world, you know... Anyways, ...Putting these actual external rituals into practice just doesn't seem likely in the environment I'm in, due to the fact that I am oppressed by living with my family. Now, of course, not having to pay rent does some good for me in the department of unnecessary stresses.

In other words, if I were out on my own or in a space/environment where I wouldn't feel oppressed ...I would certainly atleast try to put these rituals into practice. Do you think that just the "inward" way (Meditation, versus the "outward" or external ceremonial/ritual type deal) would serve as a path towards self-initiation? Or will I remain in a more or less 'probationary' state until I can go somewhere free enough to engage in ritual practice?

I suppose you're going to say that you can't answer that... Haha,.. Thats fine if you do... I'm just putting my situation in perspective for all of you who are much further down the road then I am

yeah ... it seems that sexual chastity might result in some of the few mental refinements that make Hermit-tude worthwhile

im thinking since life circumstances (my Pantacle if you will) have more or less forced me into solitude, im going to stop masturbating soon . do you think this will produce an overcharge of energy which i will be able to use as i will? do you think it will have any positive effects?

I'm 20 years old and have only had sex twice. I'm not worried about it from a standpoint of conforming to social expectations, but I have noticed lately that I feel like less of a body and more of a spirit the majority of the time. This has its boons but overall it frightens me deeply. I have become so abstracted from the physical sphere that it seems like I'm lightyears away from being able to effect change in my environment. I don't know. I think I might be slightly neurotic as a result of this forced abstinence. But I've never really had an option. I've never been involved with anyone,...Its sort of depressing.

Do you think I could suffer permanent damage? I'm really quite sincerely worried about this.