College of Thelema: Thelemic Education

It's been a long time since i posted this.
& I realize that over one thousand people have now viewed it.
I hope that anyone out there in fear of sounding like i did was able to at least read this & not need to say something because it helped.
& I realize how many of you truly care & it's inspiring & warming.
I've been making great strides & will continue to do so & will try my best to keep everyone updated with my goings ons as i think most of you would thoroughly enjoy what i'm doing musically & where its headed.
Hosho
sincerely,
silas simone cassidy
93

that account has been deleted entirely, i thought you'd like to know.

ps. i searched Annunaki on the forum to see what i could find & this & only 1 other brief mention exist in any threads. I was curious if maybe someone knows a little bit more about them, i'll probably start my own thread, as well.

*with this being the first time on the site in awhile (too long) coming to this post & that you highlight the detail in verse 142 was perfect for my return. 142 , just the number itself, has been very prominent in my life for some time.
along with the verse therein , it just seems to be quite a fitting match to what's been on my mind.
so i guess this is just a very lengthy thank you? *

interestingly enough, i just wanted to thank you for sharing, giving me something new to ponder upon for i feel as though i'm steadily making progress while doing the most nothing of anyone i know
its almost like the biggest sacrifice i never wanted to give & yet cannot control the amount of "Nothing" i achieve so often. but it brought me to this wiki on Telang Swami, a man who was believed to be the reincarnation of the lord Shiva & he had a great deal of nothing about him that was otherworldly, and it made me feel alot better about myself.
so not to use it as an excuse, but to at least enjoy the relaxation instead of feeling like you must always be making progress, because that is backwards progress in itself, thinking so negatively.

indeed, i will.
hosho

@Uni_Verse said

"Care to dance? "

this invitation always made me curious

feeble cry for support from a confused outstretched hand that shan't waste the time of these fine people again as this fella knows there's no reason to fret or wallow around for no good reason

i'll be making the move soon.

@junebug said

"
Bloody {****}
head struck
broken heart strings
Love Fiend"

**** rhymes with duck..

& on top of this i realize the faulty in a lot of my statements
but we've all been hopeless at some point...
i just didn't know what to do..
but maybe instead now i can post all my poetry...
for instance

as stated i'm working at doing better but.. circumstances only seem to further the ease of things for me. but here's some more sad sounding stuff.

my Heart is an Anchor
it sinks to find Stability in
the Deepest Unknown
The Dark is a home
for this Nothing Helpless Soul.
He just fills your needed roles.
left Bleeding through to try & rise
but the Sunshine's got a different eye to Behold.
So Leave me in the gentle Cold
Just Run from my evil & leave to my ashes,
it's all that remains from this used up.
Bloody Fuck
head struck
broken heart strings
Love Fiend

Playing 2nd chair in the Symphony of your Soul
is rotting my heart into a hole.
All the hurt & anxiety i carry with me.
Guilt, joy, frustration, delusion, confusion they all call my name.
i play the Part to keep you sane but it's Leading me the other way.
i feel like a distraction...
Like i fill your time fine..
Something Special Comes my only Sushine's Way & i'm told i must stay away.

that obvious heart ache with a girl was not helping my feelings at the time
but it's passed so i thought i could share & it'd help show you myself & where i'm at & i'm changing, growing, learning..

93

@sphinx666 said

"junebug-with the time that has passed since posting, I hope you have found some direction.
Do you own a copy of the Book Of The Law?"

as everyone can tell i was in a very .. upset state..
& no i haven't a copy of the book & really would enjoy one.

to everyone else who wrote this post i can't thank you enough for your concern & input and i have been working towards "getting on my feet"
& to JPF
i was concerned i was not still welcome.. of course i know the cali living would be different terms then anything i'm used to anyways.. i was partially worried something had happened to you as i was foolish to not check my posts & activity on the forums & not just my messages...

once again i can't thank you enough..

i can't explain how utterly fitting this is to my own Self.

we should discuss this much. as i am just beginning to do something about controlling this enveloping anxiety that overwhelms.

Initiation, it's all i want.
i don't care for this life. i care for learning what i can to help the best that i can.
i can not find any form of support to help me get closer to being part of the Thelema, ever day is a struggle to find where i can call home.
i want to start my own job and blah blah blah be an adult so it can get me closer to learning more of Thelema but i feel like time is too precious to waste putting thelema behind my comfort level.
at this point i feel like attempting to hitch hike all the way to california from minnesota is my safest and most responsible action i could take.

i need some input or something..... i really hope that i actually can read a reply to this ,because at this point i'm virtually clueless hopeless and aimless..

i just want to know where to roam to... but i'm afraid i won't be accepted from all my ... misfortune i feel like i would be bringing with me. my 0 money 0 house 0 inhibitions

all i care for is love and sounds and visions and healing through my wishes

@ Uni_Verse{|}Dancing is so Soul Stirring, how much i would love to do so.

i am junebug
i believe it is my true will to create peace on this earth through spreading my love and knowledge through creative expression in any outlets. my strong suits, i'm told, are writing and singing.. the energy of it is unmatchable in this plane to me so far..
the sheer volume of my own voice at certain points harms my ears and my soul. it baffles me
i enjoy playing any instrument i find interesting and have an orchestral string bass, acoustic and electric guitar & a vintage lowrey organ which the bass i was taught to play and the others i am learning myself. so far i jam and like what i hear.. but procrastinate to relearn sheet music as of yet.. which is so annoying..

i also enjoy outside, and dirt and sun and echoes and reverbs and painting and drawing and i really love my mind altering substances but am trying steadily to deter the regular Barbiturates and stay to more.. prominent changes in my mind patterns

i want nothing more to learn and progress as fast and as possible into this new thinking structure we've made and support and whatever gets me to the golden gates of west the fastest is my goal in this land as of now.

I'm Looking For People To Start This New Age Right. It is A Sacrifice of old to Start Anew & I'd like to be Part of the Party noise starting our everlasting endless nothing of SMILES.

Bring Me you & i'll Help undo the space. I want to do whatever it is to make my music in this place and i love friends.

desperation? possible. For this I care For Dearly .. Desperate Under Calm Contents.. Bring me Slow Swayers and Mind Blowers