My experience of forced withdrawal, Liber Resh...
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Very interesting, fair Dara. However let's give our fellow frater a little credit to fall back on:
The muscle contractions of his Mother's womb, were much, much more his Will than hers. For no matter how much you care for another, when not in "paradise", as some call it, you literally have to "care for", or have more "power" over yourself than anyone else, if not for any other reason than to protect and care for them.
So, those natural contractions of his mother were his subconscious turned conscious will that he ended up illusioning as his arms struggling. Not too far off, Uni.
I must say the exact same thing happened to me at birth. Plus the cord was wrapped around my neck. I must've been really bored in there.
93
93/93 -
Aaahhhh yes. .. To be in the chute. Verily..
"I was a young man, I couldn't resist
Started thinkin' it all over, just what I had missed.
Got me a girl and I kissed her and then and then...
Whoops, oh Lordy, well I did it again.
Now I got ten children of my own
I got another child on the way that makes eleven.
But I'm in constant heaven.
I know it's all right in my mind
'Cause I got a little schoolgirl and she's all mine
I can't get through to her 'cause it doesn't permit
But I'm gonna give her everything I've got to give."I like getting almost to the ground before I pull my chute. Pepto bismol helps until then, but takes a little while to kick in. Please tell me you understand this, radiant Dara. It is extremely important!
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Take this to heart I shall.
I've actually been concentrating on this recently, however you have confirmed a message from my Angel on the immediate need for this.
Many thanks and I hope we can continue to do this thing.
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@Uni_Verse said
"
@ThelemicMage said
"I was born premature.
I had awoken in the womb, and as I am wont to do:
I acted without thinking,
Drawing in a deep breath,
Filling me lungs with ambiotic fluidI began choking, I began drowning
There was no Light,
Yet something pushed me forward
I crawled and clawed my way out of the womb
Much to the horror of Mother
As I broke on through to the other side..."
"Uni verse are you saying that you really have a memory of this?
Or are you being metaphorical?over the spring and summer I decided that I wanted to be a Doula, a birth helper of sorts ( because to become a midwife I would need Papers that I am not willing to get, but a Doula doesnt need them). I alleady had much of the anatomy and physiology of the human body under my belt, from my traini gs as a holistic healthcare practioner. I read an awful lot of books about health and prenatal care and early childhood development, and brushed up on that aspect of health over the summer.
My point is, until the "water breaks" and until a baby moves through the birth canal squeezing the little organs, the lungs are always filled with amneotic fluids. One of the major issues with premie babies is that the lungs are one of the last organs to fully develope and the little ones cannot breathe air correctly, deeply on thier own.
i am not saying this to dispute your memory at all, but to possibly help you refine it, as from what I have heard and read many premies have this same " block". This innate feeling that prebirth they were drowning in fluids, when in actuality many were literally drowning on air itself, Or the other risk which is that the chemicals that induced the premature labor also induced the yet unborn to have its first BM while still in the Uterus, and the infant at that point could literally be intaking its own waste, which the very first bm of life is a black tar like substance that can not only be toxic, but by its properities, smothering.
my nephew was born under six pounds, I could have held him in one of my hands. Today he is half the size of his peers, but he has a lions heart and a will like I have never seen!
I was born with lung issues, and asthma has followed me my whole life, I know the sensation of drowning, of suffaction to well, but I also know that it has allowed me to learn to do more with less.
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@Dara said
"
@Veronica said
"and the infant at that point could literally be intaking its own waste, which the very first bm of life is a black tar like substance that can not only be toxic, but by its properities, smothering."The first waste of a baby - the black tar - is pretty formidable stuff. You spend forever cleaning it up. I was a month away from 21 when I had my first child and I turned to the nurse who I'd roped into my room to give me advice and asked with a certain amount of shock "its not all going to be like this, is it!?"
"Tell me about it! OMG I was completely unprepared for the mess it left all over my little boys privates! Ugh I never thought I would get him clean. When my daughter was born, I had the insight to insist she didnt wear a nappy till she had passed it, I was so afraid it would get up into her labia and such with the nappy on.
Imagine that horror inside little sweet lungs! Sad sad sad.
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@Veronica said
"
Uni verse are you saying that you really have a memory of this?
Or are you being metaphorical?"Yes, I really have a (partial) memory of this.
I have been told some of the details by my parents before...
The earlier comment set something off.
Though it was only bits and pieces, my imagination filling in a few holes.
There is still more waiting to be released.This is what I have been told:
I was born premature, how much so I do not recall.
My mother was feeling 'odd sensations' she can not describe, so she went to the doctor.
Sitting down, to wait for the doctor to see her and...
All of a sudden there I was, exiting her womb.
I believe she described it as me "rolling out" of her.
I then spent all, most of a week in intensive care for swallowing something... -
You come from a strong line,
A line that listens
To the subtleYour mother felt this subtle
And knew she had to go
And she got you
Who sences the subtle
And seeks Her outThat is more beautiful then words.
Sounds like her water broke and she didnt know it,
Which would not be nice for you at all
If she hadnt know something was up.So glad you are ok. memories of crappy things like that can be tough when they surface. I sometimes need to check in with myself and remind me that I survived it.
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An interesting side-note: though I was born with my lungs full of fluids and the doctor had to push me back in and unwrap the cord from my neck, I am now six foot three and have size fourteen feet.
I'm not commenting on measured intelligence. All of us mages and mystics are geniuses.
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Oh...
I didn't sleep the entire six days of my experiment from agony. However after I transcended the state I was in, I didn't want to sleep. I still haven't slept since then, yet I feel completely comfortable and alert.
Does this strike anyone as unique to the situation? In my old body, brain, and mind, when I was over these sorts of states, my only motivation and mind-set was for sleep to finally catch up to me. Not after all this Magick and Psychs.
I must thank all of you, and I mean all of you, who have helped me with proper ritual, meditation, body positions, pentagrams, hexagrams, Nuit's sacraments, and anything I might have missed! My heart goes out to you all, HeruRaHa.net.
I believe after the quickening, I just might have the spiritual and physical wherewithall to climb to Yesod.
Frankie
93
93/93 -
If speaking of days awake during experiments with the milk of paradise, yes, I do lay/sit down/or asana, and allow my channels to breathe the purifying fire from the lack of Nuit's rainy flower, and the natural water from my body follows closely behind trying to put them out. It's a rather interesting phenomenon.
Years ago, I might call this beyond insanity. After Thelema, I look at it as an interesting and challenging vacation.. like rock climbing or something. In fact, with the levels I reach when in these states, the stress upon my mind and body is well, well, well past pushing far past my limit in any exercise or work. I swear to Ra-Hoor, the excess fat I had on my a$$ is gone after the six days because of how tight my muscles get when just sitting or walking around if I am not meditating, and I was eating like a bastard the entire time.
Thanks for your question and information, Dara. Gave me some things to think about, especially for next time.
Frankie
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@Veronica said
"You come from a strong line,
A line that listens
To the subtleYour mother felt this subtle
And knew she had to go
And she got you
Who sences the subtle
And seeks Her out"Due to my altered state of consciousness I freaked out a bit and kinda reburied most of it beyond vague impressions.
Heh, I had been very stoned
I spent the previous week hermetically sealed, some burps are coming out as I slowly open my self up again.
I prefer that, the blissful Silence of Yoga.
I can not resist the whispers of the Beloved to Speak.@ThelemicMage said
"I didn't sleep the entire six days of my experiment from agony. However after I transcended the state I was in, I didn't want to sleep. I still haven't slept since then, yet I feel completely comfortable and alert.
Does this strike anyone as unique to the situation? In my old body, brain, and mind, when I was over these sorts of states, my only motivation and mind-set was for sleep to finally catch up to me. Not after all this Magick and Psychs.
"If you are doing a healthy amount of asana, pranayama, meditation etc;
The body and mind may very well be relaxed, yet still suffering from the insomnia of the withdrawals
Which can last over two weeks depending on the extent of ones use -
I do understand this, but I do this around two to five times a years, so I know at what dose at how often and for how long it takes to have a specific effect upon my mind and body.
If I go from using every other day to every day for two weeks, in the form of tea, (more gets into the body, but takes longer to manifest,) then it takes about a week for the more acute symptoms to go away.
Normally though, I sleep after the last day of the real deal. I still have not slept since the beginning of the experiment.
You know, this experiment led me to anxious boredom enough for me to string up my guitar and take out my drumsticks. So, I'm continuing my learning of the language of the universe.
Feels good man.
Has anyone else noticed that if one uses pure snow, if one is in serious conversation with the universe and their body/mind per usual, that an entire day can go by before one realizes that they have not used more than one bump? If no one understands this, cool.
Just that stuff on the street from years ago, made one wish to do more immediately, and was so moreish that one would spend fifty dollars for a night of rapid heart beat. I think the pure, extracted, natural snow is so kind to humans and animals, that one forgets that other bastardized forms of it are used to get others "high".
Also with alcohol, I find that if I gradually sip maybe three glasses a day, I often forget I drink unless I have a glass right in front of me. In fact, I do forget unless the glass is right there. I suffer no extra stress/shakes/sweats from abstaining from alcohol for days, and it is most enjoyable when smelled and drank at an incredibly slow rate.
Food as well. If one gets out of the moreish feeling that one acquires as a toddler for their mother's breast, (also the cause for addiction, if one includes the idea of the womb as well,) then one does not wish to eat unless their body demands it for proper upkeep for the amount of energy they exert. I eat once a day, sometimes twice.. maybe four ounces of rice, that's all. I went from eating meat just over a year ago, to eating no animal products, to eating just grains and vegetables. I sometimes put corn, beans, and peppers in rice, but this is all I survive on.
I believe that real love of experience happens with others, and can be tuned, (or more often, corrected,) by going inward with meditation, and in-outward with ritual magick. If Thelema can bring a hardcore ex-addict to enjoy poppies throughout the week without addiction, coca the same, and happily and most healthily in his life survives with four ounces of rice a day, then think what it could do hundreds, or even thousands of years from now.
Thank you, Sir Crowley, my guide. Thank you, Aiwass, his guide. And thank you, E****ia, my Angel, for guiding me to these wonderful people who would gladly give the shirt off their back for me, if the situation called for it, as I would gladly do for them in less than a cocinated, wine-blood filled heartbeat.
G'night, travelers.
Frankie
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In the Spirit of Brotherhood I have been experimenting.
I have found, for my Self,
Opiates detract from the Work.The crux of it, I believe:
Is the effect opiates have on meAn opiate fiend is often pictured as squint y eyed
Barely conscious, in a daze
I, on the other hand, become exuberantIt allows me to ignore fatigue,
The plethora of weaknesses my body representsLike our dear Veronica, issues with breathing and asthma
A weak body in general have plagued me most my life
Doctors all ways warning my Mother how weak and fragile I am
"BE CAREFUL LEST YOU BREAK THE GLASS BOY"Thus a good chunk of my life was spent in a bubble
First of my parents creation,
Then of my own as I purposely separated my self from societyPeople hardly think that is true...
As I dance for hours at end,
Surrounded by people
While chain smoking cigarettes (as a note, I no longer chain smoke)
That I have so many issues with Health & WealthGenuine human interaction,
At first became like a drug;
Causing my ego to enlarge, grow hungry
Yet my body could not handle it
The constant assult of feelings
The intermingling of my beings with others
Seeking to place their hands on meI used opiates to numb my body
Cause it to bow down to my Mind & Will
I did not want to WORK for my HEALTH
Why do ninety mins of Hatha Yoga when you can pop a pill?
Ha! That is what modern society teaches us, no?
BAD HEALTH? TROUBLE MAKING FRIENDS?
THERE IS A PILL FOR THAT!There is a pill for liberation, too
It is called the UNI VERSE -
Universe, very very interesting post.
I might remind you of a very important fact about pills compared to Nuit's sacraments:
The only human-drugs of opiates you will find that are of Nuit are Morphine, Codeine, and Heroin. There's a secret about the double-acetyl group of heroin compared to morphine: it occurs in nature in very small amounts, in pods and in the ground where pods have rotted and time has taken the morphine and converted it into heroin.
The rest of them: oxycodone, hydrocodone, etc.. are so modified out of the loop of nature, that a human would not be able to go through the natural tests of the sacred Water with them -- only drive themselves insane. Instead of referring to the sacraments as "opiates", or "opioids", we should start referring to them as the manifestation of the sacred flow of Water. Check 777.
The man-made opiates are comparable as cocaine is to ecstasy, no joke. If you really wish for the test of time of the sacred Water, and thus the sacred Fire, then you must find a way to procure manifestations of the natural flow of them.
I will admit, that these false-sacraments do test one, but tis like one never goes all the way through the test. If one starts with pills, then goes to H, then back to pills, s/he is so confused about the entire trial that one might think one has gone through the worst and best of it -- when actually one has just dulled one's senses to the actual flow of the natural sacraments themselves.
I am NOT, nor will I ever condone any blah blah...
but if you wish to go through the trial, one must go to the grocery store, buy a few bottles of poppy seed, and grow them themselves. Pills are man's way of turning his head away from nature and on the true test of Nuit's sacraments.
The ego is a horrible thing to misuse, but it sounds like you have been learning to attune it to the flow of your Will. You may want to continue on this cleaner path before attempting the big jump into the ocean off the shore of Xanadu.
"For I have dined on Honeydew,
And drunk the milk of Paradise."93
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Ahhh.. sweet, sweet Spain.
I hear the rain stays mainly in the plains.
But yes, oxy-anything, are nasty ones. They feel like man has taken metal pincers and stuck them through the pure spirit of Opium, and in pill form, a human may wrap those pincers around them and suck a little of the goodness that used to be one of Nuit's sacraments.
That's the pharmaceutical industry for you though. Think of it like this: Nuit, and even Ra Hoor Khuit, in a huge way, has left things thusly --
All one needs to do is grow cannabis inside, and live a healthy life. No cops will ever come; never show your crop to anyone, even friends you think you can trust, but that's of personal opinion. Buy your opium off the internet, or grow it completely legally outside most of the year if you wish.
Coca tea is legal, and understandably potent and healthy. Same goes for raw material for ayahuasca, dmt, even mushroom spores.
So, the only reasons one wouldn't be able to procure and commune with any of Nuit's most special sacraments, would be of pure folly to the utmost. Shaking the morphine out of dried pods with base and converting to H and selling it.. etc; Selling your precious crop of cannabis to those who just want to make a buck; same with dmt, mushrooms. Now we come to a fine line that quickly diminishes between this and the pharmaceutical industry. However, you do have Nuit's sacraments, and the industry has mainly shit to shove down people's throats. I guess the line stays there, but is overlooked by the greedy.
Very interesting story, sister Dara. So how was your stay in spain? Did it help with removing feelings of the previous unhealthy situation?
Frankie
93
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@ThelemicMage said
"
The rest of them: oxycodone, hydrocodone, etc.. are so modified out of the loop of nature, that a human would not be able to go through the natural tests of the sacred Water with them -- only drive themselves insane. Instead of referring to the sacraments as "opiates", or "opioids", we should start referring to them as the manifestation of the sacred flow of Water. Check 777."I have to disagree on certain points...
Opium, especially H, at least for me, greatly retards my cognitive abilities.
At the time I all ready had a lot on my mind,
The entire support structure I had built ashes at my feet.
(Not really, but it took me a long time to open up to those who
I knew all along were willing to help)Switching from H to the synthetics was the first step in getting control.
As, not only did it clear my head up a bit, the withdrawals from such is not as intense.There is, of course, the entire notion that I did it all on purpose.
To test my self...
For through out my life people have told me "you can not do that, that is impossible."
The rebel in me putting myself through hell, so that I could grin at the end and say:
"If it is so impossible, how did I just do it?" -
Well, Uni, as soon as you took the cheating step to "make things easier" by imbibing a bastardized version of one of Nuit's revealed sacraments, you gave up your true Trial, and something that if it hadn't have killed you, would have made you stronger than ever. Methadone, Oxies, etc.. serve this purpose, that weakens the true path of pain and eventual conquering of that pain to true strength. Sorry, Bro. Come back when you've mastered H. (And Yes, I mean Mastered, when you can have it around, even use it, sometimes too much, and put it down without further thought. I thought you had "evolved" past this lower level of pain?
)And Dara, do you see the Universal Cloak and Joke having to do with H? Believe it or not, all the true labor, both physical and administrative, that keeps the human world above water, is accomplished by those who take it. Now say to me what you will, but I am revealing to you a secret that has been around since the old days of the opium trade. All wars, all changes in ancient and modern societies, have been progressively accomplished by the true workers, and they were on It. (O, or H.)
Their way of knowing who weaker ones are, are allowing these bastardized versions of these true sacraments. They know there are those that can't handle going all the way through this true Trial, but feel pity towards them for some reason. According to Crowley and then RHK, drugs should be openly available to society, if not given to them, so the weaker ones will kill themselves off and be an example to their neighbors, and as RHK states, (paraphrased,) the trials make you stronger. Don't look back at those who have failed, for tis just as bad as Lot's wife "looking back" on Gomorrah and we all know the tale.
Cloak and Joke: Crowley accomplished his greatest, and I mean GREATEST of works during the past twenty-five years of his life, all on heroin. (On and off, but mostly on. His prophecy in the Fountain of Hyacinth ended up becoming a reality, and we have all this extended work of his thanks to all of Nuit's sacraments, including food and drink.)
You are speaking with someone who has all these things around all the time, has been though trials greater than the pain of galaxies colliding, and worse than the most horrible sickness spent without shelter during sleet, ice, hail, and freezing rain. A survivor of the trials of the beast am I, and I speak without pride. Only fortitude that others may recognize what RHK needed from me, and will eventually need from the rest of you. "The drugs were indeed revealed" is not a passing fad of fate where one can tell stories of how good or bad it was -- it is THE way of Life, and the Way as it is.
The first drugs revealed by Nuit were food, water, and drink. Then came the mushrooms when man was just learning to talk in the perfect climate that had mycelium covering almost the entire planet just under the ground. Only plants were eaten, everyone was naked because it was warm and perfect, and the mushrooms, coca, opium, and cannabis were imbibed during this time of immense evolution. Only those unable to read akashic records will disagree with me.
This was all planned, down to the fact that weaker ones must dwell in darkness after death for awhile to get used to it, since they were not strong enough to deal with the true trials of Nuit and Nature. The last thing Nuit needs are those who would take an easy way out when way in the future, we are all spread across the sky, wing-to-wing, steering our Universe across many abysses and perfect realities. f
"There are worriers within the camp, and those that would withhold their blood."
Everything that is not done unto Nuit, reveals a misguided ego and one who is not willing to give what they are required to give to the whole, including Nuit and RHK.
Sorry to break this to you, but this is how it is. We are about to enter an age where we must see those we loved killed in front of us due to lack of Will, including withholding their blood, and we must not shed a tear or utter a cry, nay, but step on them as we progress past them. These are the words of RHK, and this is the revealed way by the Prophet of the Lovely Star himself. Like I stated before, these words are not just to inspire us into temporary states of lust of work and meditation and ritual, this is a guide through the hundreds and hundreds of years of dark ages about to come, right before the illustrious ages of Light, all in the same Aeon of Horus. (See Crowley's work for details on this.)
Now, since we all know where we are now, I have sources of these sacraments, all legal in the first world, for whoever wishes to begin this divine work as something other than an interest or a fad. But, I may have stated this already. Poppy seeds are available in the grocery store, and sodium carbonate is Arm and Hammer Super Washing Soda. Vinegar anhydride is available for those ready for the more intense trials, but I will not go further than telling you to throw some seeds in a freshly-ground piece of land and keeping care of them.
Do what thou Wilt shall be the Whole of the Law
Love is the Law, Love under Will.Dara -- it seems we, as humans, are at a constant state of game-playing with one another, regarding sexuality. It is witnessed even in same-sex relationships. Whenever there is a difference between one and another, and sexuality is involved, there must, (according to human psychology,) be games played. It feels good, and healthy, and gives way to the higher form of that "game-playing" that is a give-and-take of emotion and intertwining/trussething those patterns of emotion until a higher form of existence is reached between both involved.
Ra-Hoor-Khuit is a perfect example of this. His/Her divinity has abolished these lower-level games, and Khuit, (an ancient Egyptian name of Hathor,) meditates and takes the over-powering manliness of Horus, and they combine themselves into one creature. Same with Hrumachis, the double-wanded one of the two-horizons. Though with RHK, Horus is predominant, and with Hrumachis, Hathor is predominant. Ma'at, Hathor, and Isis, all of the same current, all of the same soul. I say this here because I feel I can, and because we are nearing the edge of the cliff and some things can just be said at such times. We have already spoken aloud of Osiris giving the spiritual current to Horus, the same soul, and even though the feminine current is a much more delicate thing to even talk about, (due to the Power that pervades existence,) it feels like a good time for this to be stated for the first time online.
So, Ma'at, with her balances, takes the current of power from Herself, Hathor, and balances the current of male power that has been dominant since Osiris, currently Horus, and transmutes it through her ingenuitive balancing ways into a feminine-predominant power in which Horus is the holder of form, as Hathor was the holder of the holder of that form.
Isn't science -> religion interesting? Let us take a moment to drink in the notion of this massive, universal evolutionary change about to take place.
Frankie
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@ThelemicMage said
"Well, Uni, as soon as you took the cheating step to "make things easier" by imbibing a bastardized version of one of Nuit's revealed sacraments, you gave up your true Trial, and something that if it hadn't have killed you, would have made you stronger than ever. Methadone, Oxies, etc.. serve this purpose, that weakens the true path of pain and eventual conquering of that pain to true strength. Sorry, Bro. Come back when you've mastered H. (And Yes, I mean Mastered, when you can have it around, even use it, sometimes too much, and put it down without further thought. I thought you had "evolved" past this lower level of pain?
) "You keep jumping to conclusions.
As well as taking things out of context :
Have you forgotten what I said earlier?
The Ordeal had nothing to do with the drugs
The pain had nothing to do with the drugsThe drugs were a veil, meant to hide something
It was that thing I was hiding that hurt me
That I did not want to feel
Causing me to crave the drug, the numbness that it brought
It was a ritual, the drug was simply a toolEDIT:
That thing I was hiding was my Self
Not allowing people to see who I am
Though I desperately wanted to
I was far too afraidThe fear is not gone
It has become my companion
And in spite of the pain I speak
I open up,
The only way I know to show
That I true, I do
I love YOUEDIT 2:
Yes, it was very much about the Waters
That is why I was taking a BLUE pill -
Beyond! Beyond!