Supreme actions for Protection

Smokey Monking

"If you truly believed that everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, you wouldn't bring up your doubt. If you truly believed in the good in every one, you wouldn't describe the bad in them. But instead if you could believe in the reality of the nature of everyone, you might be more inclined to accept yourself even as flawed - and therein would lie the solution."

Totally agree.

Corvinae

@Takamba said

"
@Veronica said
"Yea, and that all is an issue of trust.
And since I know my own perceptions lie to me
I should just trust that everyone else is lying to me too.
That's reality, that's normal.
And that sucks."

As much as I love you (and as little as I actually know you, keep in mind that my love is of the universal and unqualified kind), all this suggests you have a tendency yourself to tell lies. Yes? Tell me that isn't so. You couldn't imagine the lies if you yourself weren't capable of them. And not being willing of them, you'd be (based only on my own experience, and nothing else) less prone to fall victim to them.

Be honest (ps - we can continue this in private messages if you prefer)"

Truth is time.....

I lied about Santa, and the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, and the great pumpkin king.

I lie when I say to myself,
People are good.
I lie when I say
People can be helped
I lie when I say....
I love this world.

Well what does it matter,
I was brought into this world on a bed of lies

Truth is...
I make bad choices
Truth is
Nothing and no one can help me,
Truth is
I Hate being a human being

That's the truth.

Truth is
I hate hearing murderous thoughts of others
I hate hearing how stupid lazy people suck of the system
I hate hearing how violence is the answer
I hate hearing about how f upped this world is.

So I have lied to myself, and made lite of this persons psychosis. I lied and thought that my love would be enough to keep him from hurting other people. I lied when I told myself I can roll with the punches because She's got my back. I lied to myself when that little voice inside my head told me, tell your children that you love them and that no matter what happens to you they will be ok, And I disregarded it.

Truth is I am just a no body. But shush don't tell anyone......they are no body too.

But that's a lie too, because to many people I am something....something like a star, And they orbit around me like little twin stars, because I am all they have. Which is a paradox, on one hand no thing, on the other everything.

Takamba

@Veronica said

"
Truth is time.....

I lied about Santa, and the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, and the great pumpkin king.

I lie when I say to myself,
People are good.
I lie when I say
People can be helped
I lie when I say....
I love this world.

Well what does it matter,
I was brought into this world on a bed of lies

Truth is...
I make bad choices
Truth is
Nothing and no one can help me,
Truth is
I Hate being a human being

That's the truth.

Truth is
I hate hearing murderous thoughts of others
I hate hearing how stupid lazy people suck of the system
I hate hearing how violence is the answer
I hate hearing about how f upped this world is.

So I have lied to myself, and made lite of this persons psychosis. I lied and thought that my love would be enough to keep him from hurting other people. I lied when I told myself I can roll with the punches because She's got my back. I lied to myself when that little voice inside my head told me, tell your children that you love them and that no matter what happens to you they will be ok, And I disregarded it.

Truth is I am just a no body. But shush don't tell anyone......they are no body too.

But that's a lie too, because to many people I am something....something like a star, And they orbit around me like little twin stars, because I am all they have. Which is a paradox, on one hand no thing, on the other everything."

Something like that - although that seems a wee bit histrionic in its presentation, you get it. I think.

Corvinae

Well, I will admit that was a very emotion thing for me to write out.
Wee bit, hu?
Histrionic.....had to go look that up to be sure I knew what you were saying.

On that other thread, FP shared a quote about the lying of the Heirophant, and how some times he chooses the best lie. My father lied all the time, and I knew each one the minute he opened his mouth. My mother would always be the source of truth, or silence.

I don't like lying about Santa, and if it wasn't for everyone else in my family I would have never done that.

I am still struggling with this whole deeper issue, and appreciate your comments and feedback, and enduring my personal style of histrionics.

Corvinae

David

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.

Hi Veronica:

I think the dynamics of what you describe have common threads for all of us. But your description of things, of yourself and of a threatening male counterpart, seem to resonate particularly from your femininity. It is that aspect of this dynamic that I am inclined here to address.

I seem to know a lot of women whose beauty has tripped them up. Flattered to death, I call it - when identity is shaped by a feminine appearance, which is so esteemed, desired, and, simultaneously, despised, in the West. Something happens over time. Enjoyment of the power that a woman has, in walking down the street, to draw attention, to stop traffic, to attract men, inflates a certain part of the ego and hides in its shadow all the ugly, masochistic resentments that come with it. There often lies, at the heart of it, a pit of deep self-doubt and even self-loathing. This self-denied essence is a mechanism long used to keep women "in their place." She is, in a manner of speaking, the Self-Shackled Crone.

My intuition tells me that maybe there is, beneath the self-esteem you obviously possess, something of a hole like this--a doubt of whether your worth would be so valued in another body, with another face; a recognition of the superficiality of lust and longing your image evokes. And, along with this psychology, this kind of failure to appropriately value yourself (with all its real-world relational consequences), I intuit also a powerfully denied sensation of rage. And probably of terror, at its core.

Particularly if the outer reflection is violent, I think these kinds of "negative" sentiments must be explored. For all of us, but maybe even more so for pretty people, finding and expressing the ways we feel ugly and wrathful and powerless and exposed and threatened can be incredibly challenging. This stuff is in the shadow for a reason. It's necessary, but not necessarily much fun, to drag it, like a forgotten prisoner, into the light.

I'm no expert on protection spells; hardly even a novice in that area. But I do have a sense of how our inner field magnetizes the experiences we require to unblock ourselves. And in my view, those presented with particularly ugly circumstances on the outside have some serious work to do to locate the comparably disagreeable state within. (That may sound like blaming the victim; I see it as acknowledging the godlike power of the will.)

In other women I know, their femininity brought about very early feelings of being under attack, of being wanted inappropriately, of having early experiences of their lovely, innocent sexuality and burgeoning sensuality muddled with male attentions--advanced sometimes violently, sometimes sheepishly, sometimes in a self-hating, vampire-like way. Over time, most women numb to this aspect of it all, they generally seem to rise above it, to master the art of being dismissive towards the penetrating gazes and desperate, needy energy that their pleasant appearances draw. But also dismissed in this effort are their own genuinely harsh reactions to the intrusions they suffer, on an almost daily basis. And then they can fall into a series of bad choices, made from a state of numbness to self; experiences drawn from both the conscious and unconscious aspects/consequences of their glamor and mystique.

Usually, with women whose looks fit the times (and outer beauty is, in my view, largely a social construct) there is an early memory that provides a key to begin working this out--a first experience of shame and fear and something akin to violation, subtle though it may be. This certainly could be in the form of outright molestation, but it might have been a glance, an unusual hug from Dad, a funny look from a trusted male adult, an overheard conversation. But, in that moment, whatever form it took, there is in the girl a startling sense of discomfort, and in an immediate effort to protect her developing psyche from this experience, something in her awareness gets pushed out and denied. That pretty little girl, loved and admired for being cute and all the rest, feels outraged and hurt, in a word, "ugly." But she finds no place for her anger, no place for the way that this kind of assault makes her feel, no place for the ugliness. And, in an instant, she absorbs and buries that sensation, and looses sight of something essential about her will. This establishes a pattern she repeats again and again and again.

I believe that finding these memories can be extremely liberating, and, in a practical sense, accessing and vibrating in those denied places can have a direct effect on the experience of the world, resulting in an immediate release from the external violence that the denial calls forth (i.e. to bring the denied essence into to awareness).

I think there is really no better mechanism for getting to this stuff than simply finding a safe place, where you won't be disturbed or heard, and letting yourself get into the gestalt of your internal "negativity." Descend, if you will, in your consciousness down into the long forgotten, ugliest feelings you have, feelings about yourself and the world, and, I suppose, men. It doesn't really matter which door you take. Just feel the way you resist being hateful, being angry, being "ugly," and let that resistance go. Get into it. Grunt and growl and scream and drool and cry and panic and thrash and howl into your pillow, beat your mattress, whatever comes up, and see if you can find, deep in the caverns of your subconscious, the denied, seemingly unacceptable, unpleasant, unpretty, and at the time, unwanted, aspect of your will that you buried there. Movement is important, sound is important. The point is to give voice to parts of yourself you deemed unacceptable and, in a word, "violently" pushed out of your consciousness. Let them come up as they are, thrashing and bitter, neglected and abused for so long. They might not feel like "you," at first, but in just letting those aspects move through your body, you can start to reintegrate and heal.

And then do some LBRP and whatever else it takes to structuralize the experience. Or employ some laughter and other energy-raising exercises to embrace and welcome the forgotten bits and pieces you are starting to vibrate.

But, for what its worth, I do think a more, um, poetic approach may serve you well, at least at first.

I believe that your ability to see the best in others is something you would be well-advised to direct straight into the nastiest parts of yourself.

Good luck.

Love is the law, love under will.

Corvinae

Thank you David for your great insights.

I don't have a black pit,
I have a belly button.

David

Don't we all.....

sozos

@David S said

":D

Don't we all....."

I always wondered if Adam and Eve had them...

Avshalom Binyamin

Of course they did. Belly buttons predate humans...

Sent from my SGH-T989 using Tapatalk 2

Jim Eshelman

@Avshalom Binyamin said

"Of course they did. Belly buttons predate humans... "

Now THAT is intelligent design!

(Every engineer knows you have to design the button before you build the first working prototype.)

Coagvla

I think an extreme dose of honesty is the best place to start and a bit less romanticism, loving the unloveable for example. Is every experience a directing dealing of God with your soul, or an excuse for being in a situation in which you unable to do the hard work. Cause I've certainly been there.

Corvinae

Its been just about six months now since I originally posted this topic. I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who responded on the board or privately to me about this issue. All your words were very helpful, and while some of them might have been very tough for me to hear, I did listen and hear, and was able to make some significant progress on this issue.

So I first wanted to let Mr Eshelman know that the rite he spoke about was very inspirational for me. I used it, in my own way and think that the success I have now achieved was in part because of this specific rite.

The people who were overstepping my boundaries and pushing my limits, taking my energies away from the things in life that I wanted to give my energies to (ie, myself, my kids, my home) were dealt with safely, sanely, and effectively. I don't think that I am going to ever run in to that severe of a stalking issue again.

When it was safe for me to do so, I had my husband removed from the home. He was/is my number one threat, and I truelly was sick with fear that the Rites he was performing and the extreme amount of drugs he was taking would cause him to snap and become violent (based on things he was saying and doing). I worked on this very slowly and with the help of healthcare and legal professionals. He has been gone for just over two months now, and each day feels like a new beginning for me and my kids.

While I was working on this issue on my own personal level, figuring out my self and why these things are factors in my life, I had a series of very cool situations arise. Things that seemed to be very much a result of the workings I had done for protection and safety.

I would like to share to, that while I did not tell anyone about the workings I was doing to detangle myself from this situation and personal behaviors/choices several people experienced what I would call vivid hallucinations, visual, tactic and auditory. I didn't myself experience anything like that, but listened to the people when they shared with me the sensory experiences they had.

Since then I have thoroughly cleared out the house, even going so far as to have the whole septic system cleared out, and I even got the pleasure of taking care of rebuilding my own plumbing! Very symbolic, if you ask me, out with all the old "junk" so to speak.

With my husband gone, being that I was a stay at home mother homeschooling my two kids, I had to face the fact that evicting him, with no source of income was a drastic measure, but with my faith and hard work I knew that any discomfort to my life would only bring me and my kids to a better place. I temporarily applied for public services to help us until I can get a full time job. I am very committed to this new life, and am not afraid to roll up my sleeves and get down and dirty (hence fixing the plumbing all by myself).

During this whole ordeal I came face to face with a very deep idea. I truely feel that this whole thing came to ahead because I neglected the very most important relationship I have, and that is my relationship with what I will call my HGA. Before my husband I lived a very disciplined life, following the lead of my own heart, my own true higher self, holding tight to the idea that the most important relationship that I Veronica have as a human being is with my Goddess/God as I Know it. In trying to have a human relationship and raise my children in the chaos of addiction, illusion, and lies I neglected that relationship.

I think I learned a very important lesson, and while I don't think I can honestly say I will never ever do that again.....it sure feels like I will NEVER neglect the most important relationship in my life again, for it is this relationship that matter most, the one that gifts me with all my blessings life has to offer me.

Until I secure gainful employment, I had the extras turned off, so I don't have internet or Netflix anymore, which is why I have been quite. I have to pop in at the local library to read the forum ect. I just wanted to let you all know how very empowering it was for me to be able to share this ordeal with you and listen to your kind ideas and words of compassion and honesty.

Hermes

Nice to know you're ok... Empowering also for those of us who are facing ordeals too. Sorry for being such a prick but what impressed me most is the plumbery part. I break my shower every two months and always wait a month to repair it(i still do shower everyday though...only difference is i shower the surroundings too). Take care and grow positively from this new start and opportunities.

Corvinae

@Frater Horus said

"Nice to know you're ok... Empowering also for those of us who are facing ordeals too. Sorry for being such a prick but what impressed me most is the plumbery part. I break my shower every two months and always wait a month to repair it(i still do shower everyday though...only difference is i shower the surroundings too). Take care and grow positively from this new start and opportunities."

Lol, prick hu?
That's funny for me to hear. Stereotypes aside, no one in their right mind Wants to take apart toliets and ream out pipes, but sometimes you just have to get into the worst mucky muck and do it. I mean, really.....this house, all the stuff in it is mine, by choice and if I don't maintain and take care of each specific aspect of it....well the whole home breaks down and falls to chaos.

Very much like a persons mental, physical and spiritual health if neglected.

I also used to do all my own repairs on my 71 Dodge Charger.

I just need some help with heavy lifting......but ya know that's when things like poles, fulcrums, and pulleys come in handy. Great metaphors for translation.