pixie_pseuicde

[Archaeus]

93

To me this sounds a hell of a lot like my own relationship with the Holy Guardian Angel, I only recently discovered that I have such a thing and it Isn't just a figment of Crowley's imagination.
The sense of being freer inside his/her restrictions, being owned but also the owner, I realised at once that The HGA need me as much as I need Him/her.
I have of course yet to achieve Knowledge and conversation, but the aspiration and yearning are slowly beginning to burn me up inside, leaving little room in my world for anything except my anticipation of that final Ecstatic meeting.

I would like to share this with you, I find it inspiring, and conveys with far greater eloquence what I mean:

On the night when you cross the street from your shop and your house to the Cemetery,
you'll hear me hailing you from inside the open grave, and you'll realize how we've always been together.
I am the clear consciousness-core of your being, the same in ecstasy as in self-hating fatigue.
That night, when you escape the fear of snakebite and all irritation with the ants, you'll hear my familiar voice, see the candle being lit, smell the incense, the suprise meal fixed by the lover inside all your other lovers.
This heart-Tumult is my signal to you igniting the Tomb.
Don't fuss with the shroud and the graveyard dust.
Those get ripped open and washed away in the music of our final meeting.
And don't look for me in a human shape. I am inside your looking. No room for form with a love this strong.
Beat the drum and let the poets speak. This is the day of purification for those who are already mature and initiated into what love is.
No need to wait until we die! There's more to want than money and being famous and bites of roasted meat.
Now, what shall we call this new sort of gazing-house that has opened in our town where people sit quietly and pour out their glancing like light, like answering?

(Jelaluddin Rumi, 1207-1273

So you see that with this in mind everything else seems like distractions and mediocrity, I wonder if you might be close to understanding my position..93 93/93

[pixie_pseuicide]

Yes i beleive i do see that from a few angles, one of which being pre-primeval "call" from uh...the being...we desperately need to become one with?? ...i may be well off the mark lol... that's definately how i feel and felt about my Master now and before i even knew he'd be it...yearning...

i remember that call far too well shudders ... and of course the direct emotional side of devoting yourself to somebody or something... it can be soul destorying and the only way to combat it is to be shown in a million symbolic ways (like my submission and his dominance over me. i need to feel the darker side..)

Are you in love with your HGA? Would you min explaining that a bit more so i can feel what you do?

i'm quite surpised that i liked this poem, and its one i just have to annotate and have a good stab at and poke around lol ill do that later

[pixie_pseuicide]

Okay Masters read the thread and explained to me the holy guardian angel a bit more - also coined The Secret Lover?

i'm going to have to get my head around this one i think i've never really thought about a guardian angel but think i know where to place it... can you tell me what you know also please? I'm obviously meant to learn this one lol, its appeared a few times tonight

xx

the pixie

[Archaeus]

the term Holy guardian angel is only a use of language, it is in itself pretty ridiculous, I'm not saying I believe in angels and all that guff, I'm not quite that far gone lol.
Nor would I describe it as being in love, not in the sense that two people are in love, at least not in the normal sense, which is why I picked up on your own relationship with your master as an echo of what I am (only just) beginning to get a glimmer of.
call it what you will, The HGA, the friend, the secret lover, the Anima/Animus? all of these things could be applied with some modicum of success.
but there is definitely something like a courtship going on, its like something that has always been there but beyond what I could apprehend, has suddenly got my attention, although I cannot describe it in any way that would make sense to anyone who had not already noticed the same thing; imagine trying to describe a previously unknown colour to somebody, words are beggared, but I only have words, so I have to use the misleading terminology of mysticism and hope I don't lose too much in translation.
I am very new to this kind of perception, being naturally rather hard headed and not given to transcendental experience, but I get to my 29th year on this planet, cut off my past, and I'm suddenly thinking and feeling like a mystic! who'd have thought it?

[Sapere Aude]

welcome pixie, i to an new here.

Sapere Aude

LLLL

[pixie_pseuicide]

Thanks Sapere! cant wait to get to know you!

Solitarius - that makes a lot more sense the way you've worded it, and have found a lot of answers waiting for me here, some quite dramatic! lol .. i cant word it yet however i need to fill in the peices winks

Yeah i'm not quite a beleiver of angels.. at least not in the sense of christianity and other schools of thought... i just dont like them, and ill whisper that my inkling is a game of opposites in that area...that and add to the fact that most imagery of angels are of children (there is no need of a child angel, an angel does not grow it is already all understandng) and most adult forms are of Roman Soliders...that kind of imagery...(has a vandetta against the Roman forcing christianty on so many people and cultures that the proper ethereal way of life as a process has been watered down and forgotton..england's st george was a roman solider too whilst im on that rant lol)

Its not that i beleive that demon's are actually the "cuddly bunch" the good ones etc, but i have far more trust in them. (that and no "angels" to date have answered my prayers.. or entered any theories that relate to me and mine etc...so who knows...that opinion has every chance of changing when i learn a new mindset.

i "get" the language thing... especially with trying to make our language "fit" the emotion properly... its funny i said it to a new friend today, that i feel the emotion and chose the right words and combinations to evoke a certain image and "feeling" into the person i'm talking too's mind... lol i sound so anal retentive and completely mad haha.. anyway... i'm very aware of that frustration, but i'm pretty good with words overall.. to be honest i feel i have a bit of a "one up" in some places of translating the feeling into words. problem is it makes me awfully long winded!! lol

in another post i mentioned that when i was 19 (first year i lived with Master) Master noticed that i was picking up on other peoples emotions, we lived in a hotel for 6 months and he'd come back from the shop and see a neighbour in tears over one thing or another, and come upstairs and find me bawling... be horny as hell and not really acting like myself, and then going out to use the communal bathroom and hearing another couple having sex... he said it was too often for it to be just coincidence. I beleive in the same way i caught somebodies LSD trip (like i said, we were in a hostel lol) i was doing something and noticed an invisible spider scuttling across the floor.. i knew it was there and knew it was invisible because the outline was silver... well i shreiked as if it was real ones and after a while we established it sounded awfully lke i'd been tripped.. (Lsd...Masters drug of adoration lol) so i looked at it like hey.. free high lol.. my scrambled eggs were so brainlie i couldnt eat them, and my daughters eyeore teddy toy thing's the ears were sticking up and they kept going and going and going lol.. Bad thing is i can get lost in an emotion and not realise it isnt my own.

This sort of intense empathy(?) hasnt happened as i've gotton older, more settled, and had my boys, but now and then it will get me lol.. i found to embrace it made the episodes run a lot smoother and finisher quicker... (i found myself getting very frustrated for being an emotional wreck if i held it in or went ahead and for example cried. plus theres the whole "i must be crazy" debate too lol..

i think through this empathy i can really push communication and let the entity really take hold should master or i feel its wise.... we kind of did that last night,,, very strange experience i beleive will relate to the hga out of instinct.

btw my Master found online last night the entire book of Way of the Secret Lover by christpher Hyatt if you'd like the link?? (again something that makes us beleive what happened last night will turn out to be HGA associated-id be happy to share if you're interested )

[Archaeus]

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

I can see you don't have the semantic problems that often bar more earthy types, (like myself) from clear apprehension of the world around you, that level of empathy must be a double edged sword, although once you get a handle on it I would think its a useful tool.
I used to do a lot of Lsd when I was in my teens and can attest to many experiences when I and whoever I am tripping with would share Hallucinations and perceptions, I suppose simply because we were on the same wavelength.
Naturally I am as solid as a brick (Saturn/sun conjunct, very square birthchart, if that means anything at all?)

As for the Angels and deamons thing, The jury is still out on What they actually are, not that it actually matters, seeing as we will never really know what anything is, our minds simply don't stretch that far.
I tend to go with the Jungien Archetypes theory, that these entities are somehow parts of our subconscious mind, the thing is we just don't realise that the whole of creation is in our minds!
To this end, a Deamon to my thinking is simply a part of the sub-conscious that has not been assimilated into the whole, so duty lies in taming these rebel entities and causing them to serve the mind of which they should rightly be a part.
so really it doesnt matter a bit if I Imagine these perceptions, or whether they have an objective reality of there own, who cares as long as I get the required result!
Of coarse this does not mean that such entities cannot be dangerous, I have been severely burned once in the past by an entity I summoned that got out of my control, but I was young and foolish then, and I now know exactly what I did wrong.
feel free to share any information or experiences you have, I'm all ears, and i'm sure there are a few others who would also like to know.
And yes, please send me that link.

Love is the law, love under will

[pixie_pseuicide]

www.scribd.com/doc/13756608/The-Way-of-the-Secret-Lover

ill write more when i have a bit more time to sit and think on that one grins

[Archaeus]

you realise I now have to go out and buy that book.
thanks for the link.

[pixie_pseuicide]

Lol ... have you read the Celestine Prophecy?? i beleive i was meant to give you that link grins

[Archaeus]

@pixie_pseuicide said

"Lol ... have you read the Celestine Prophecy?? i beleive i was meant to give you that link grins"

I read that one many years ago, interesting read, although I cant say it had a dramatic effect on my practice.

[pixie_pseuicide]

Yes i agree its not that good a book or a tale! ..however it's a pretty good "opener" to seeing the world a little differently and how to make use of "coincidences" ... the whole "adventure" to the book i found grueling and distracting, but i did find bits and peices usefull... (however the 10th insight has sat on our bookshelf (and our toilet shelf LOL) for years now and not on of us can be "bothered" to read it.

However.... those who HAVE read it also there seems to be a bigger connection with than normal book-alikies... Master actually has a fascinating tale of when he was reading it!! ill bug him to write it up here (worst he can do is turn me on grinzzzzzz mwauhuhuhaa haha maybe im kiding LOL)