Opiates and the psychic connection
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I'm just coming into the post-acute stage--the "dead" feeling--and I have this to say on the subject:
You will not overcome the withdrawals until you realize that NOTHING helps. Not until you've become a weeping, screaming, drooling piece of sh-t, cuddled in your bed with the cold sweats, crying for your mother--only then will you comprehend the virtue in opiate addiction:
As was said above, if you can kick that, and find the root of your addiction, you've mastered what is perhaps the hardest of all human trials.
NO ONE--NOBODY--will comprehend the horror of withdrawals besides another addict/ex-addict. Find clear headed friends, and create a support system. Exercise! I've blasted my endogenous morphine system for five years, and I refuse to let a f-cking molecule rule my life.
I reccomend the book "Permanent Midnight." A good dope redemption story.
The subs, loperamide, and methadone will all make it worse. Trust me. I kicked for a month--straight.
And watch out for the benzos. Unless of course you enjoy a waking nightmare for 152 hours when you run out.
I currently am in post-acute opiate withdrawal, and acute benzo withdrawal, so I'll be rooting for you, partner. This is an ordeal that few will overcome.
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P.S.--I highly advise staying away from methadone, immodium, and the subs. Especially immodium and "done," as they have extremely long half-lives. In other words, you could be in for months of hell. I got lucky this time and tapered down to 80mgs of a short acting opiate before cutting it cold. At the 72 hour mark.
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There are some advantages, but only under the most controlled of conditions.
The effect of opiates is to numb the body along with all sensations associated with it.
So one must understand that any gained perception is at the cost of one lost.As for Frater Tenc and his issue, that is most likely the result of having yet fully seated ones consciousness in the body. You have essentially been ignoring your body and the various things it has been trying to tell you. The "dry feeling" will go away once you re-learn how to communicate with your physical manifestation.
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This may be a bit late but is the maintenance being done under a Doctors supervision?
If you are going to taper do so very slowly.
Stopping too quickly or suddenly will result in a lengthy if relatively minor withdrawal period (compared to that which comes with regular opioid use).
Once you get down to .5 , you could start taking it every other day.
Then go down to .25, eventually every three days...
Until, eventually you will not require any more.
Though I would suggest keeping some around in case you ever feel the urge...
It is what I do, personally. As it kills the urge, or in the need of pain relief does so without a tendency towards abuse. -
Exactly right. Everything depends on a person's metabolism, mindframe, etc. This is the first time I've stopped cold (no creature comforts), and I intend to see it through as both an experiment and example to others.
I'm reminded of the Tool song a great deal:
"This body, this burning hole in me,
Reminds me that I am not alone.Embrace this moment, remember
You are eternal, all this pain is an illusion."Such has been my mantra. It feels different this time (I've "kicked" about a dozen times since my induction into the joys of heavy, prescription opiates), as I could, at any moment, walk into my doctors office and come out with a load of scripts--but I refuse. I had a wonderful revelation while backpacking with my neighbor last week. We took a load of Salvia Divinorum tincture sublingually and set off for an 8 mile treck. I felt great and healthy and didn't even mind the wd's because I was so thrilled to be alive. He turned to me when we reached a particular summit called Devil's Peak, and he says, "Your body is a temple." His words hit me like a bullet.
I've declared war on all those f-cking little molecules that have kept me enslaved--and that is the "real" realization: enslavement of any kind, from crack to candy, is a direct intrusion upon one's True Will. Knowing this, I see this as an ordeal of initiation.
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"I've declared war on all those f-cking little molecules that have kept me enslaved--and that is the "real" realization: enslavement of any kind, from crack to candy, is a direct intrusion upon one's True Will. Knowing this, I see this as an ordeal of initiation."
This made me smile. We're all "addicts" to something or other, and your sentiment feels very empowering.
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@Avshalom Binyamin said
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"I've declared war on all those f-cking little molecules that have kept me enslaved--and that is the "real" realization: enslavement of any kind, from crack to candy, is a direct intrusion upon one's True Will. Knowing this, I see this as an ordeal of initiation."This made me smile. We're all "addicts" to something or other, and your sentiment feels very empowering."
Let us not forget the whole reason Nature put these things here for us -- to EVOLVE. I wouldn't go declare war on a substance put here to evolve me more than I'd go declare war on Typhon while I was in the Astral and try to mock all of his demons.
"Our ancestors learned to make use of lightning, shall we run from a packet of powder?" -A. Crowley on The Big Lion. (Those of us who Know)
I do understand the hatred that can build up with a human being not knowing why they do something or why they have the impulses to do it, but as our Master Therion teaches us as do the sages, you flow with these things and learn to make them your weapon, not make "war" upon them.
Now when you say make "war" on prescription drugs, you may very well mean subconsciously, almost consciously, the ones that are not natural and that nature did NOT put here, but scientists have bastardized from nature to rattle people a bit more and in a much cheaper way than the natural opiates do.
Take morphine or codeine.. even heroin, they flow through the body and feel like natural pure rain water and the tide of the sea.
Take oxy or hydrocodone, or methadone, many synthetic opiates: they feel like a disgusting, false-clean, dopeyness smacks you in the brain and leaves you stupified.
Now I will go very far as to say that the opium poppy was put here for men to learn to love, learn to come through the worst pain and conquer each other over the span of history and learn to come to grips with the horrible sorrow that is Malkuth reality.
The pills, not so much.
Just my two cents, from years and years of experience. If I had declared war on poppies or opiates, I couldn't enjoy a cup of pod every now and then. This contrasts like heaven and hell to how I used to treat myself and heroin with me. We grow, we evolve, we keep all our old friends and commune with them from time to time. Just like human contact and communication, too much is too much.
You should even have the cold and darkness as your friends by now, my experienced Brother.
Just enough is just right. You will know when you start hurting yourself on purpose. When it goes from drinking a cup of tea to having to have one to get up. When it goes from having to have a cup of opium in the morning to popping pills or shooting heroin, one should know one has really fallen far from the Tree of Life and their true path and Will.
Work for nature the way she works for you. Always treat her with the utmost respect, worship, and admiration. Never take her for granted or abuse her, or she will show you Love more tough than any human ever could.
Peace and Power to you all.
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*Let us not forget the whole reason Nature put these things here for us -- to EVOLVE. I wouldn't go declare war on a substance put here to evolve me more than I'd go declare war on Typhon while I was in the Astral and try to mock all of his demons. *
I think that plants were able to be expressed in Nature, in a much different way then evolution, Nature can produce anything, at any time regardless of humanities idea of linear time and supposed laws of evolution.
But I think I am pretty firm in the belief that a long time ago, some ones ancestors manipulated the addictive qualities for their benefit.
Which I suppose is forcing humanity to learn how to make healthy choices, which is appropriate for this aeon, and that may in some profound way
change our nature...but....I can think of a million other ways to achieve the same goal with out the devastation of the cycles and circles of addiction at it's basest. -
@ThelemicMage said
"Take morphine or codeine.. even heroin, they flow through the body and feel like natural pure rain water and the tide of the sea.
Take oxy or hydrocodone, or methadone, many synthetic opiates: they feel like a disgusting, false-clean, dopeyness smacks you in the brain and leaves you stupified.
Now I will go very far as to say that the opium poppy was put here for men to learn to love, learn to come through the worst pain and conquer each other over the span of history and learn to come to grips with the horrible sorrow that is Malkuth reality.
The pills, not so much.
Just my two cents, from years and years of experience. If I had declared war on poppies or opiates, I couldn't enjoy a cup of pod every now and then. This contrasts like heaven and hell to how I used to treat myself and heroin with me. We grow, we evolve, we keep all our old friends and commune with them from time to time. Just like human contact and communication, too much is too much.
You should even have the cold and darkness as your friends by now, my experienced Brother."
That's fine but (1) the OP of this thread is about being on Suboxone, which is used to treat opium addiction (2) I've watched you repeatedly bring up "natural" opiates in unrelated threads (3) it's almost always using the same rationalization language you've used here. I know there's probably little to no point in arguing with you about it, but I'm just pointing it out for other readers.
Yes, it is possible to use drugs for recreation/spirituality without coming to harm. But if you've frequently and recently taken a drug that's known to be addictive, it's impossible for me to know that it's not an addiction speaking through you.
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I'd like to close this discussion--on my part at least--with the following statements:
1.) I became habituated to prescription opiates after a car accident in October 2010. This habituation eventually reached a point at which I found it was not only difficult, but physically and psychologically painful to cease usage.
2.) Partly out of curiosity, partly as an example, I abrubtly stopped opiate use as of 10 days ago. All the classic symptoms of withdrawal have been identified and experienced. These symptoms peaked around day 5 and still continue to a lesser extent.
3.) We need not go into details, but suffice it to say that my usage--though legal and monitored by a doctor--was in direct opposition to my True Will. One might say that my "psychic connection" and ability to enact even the most simple principles of Magick was hampered by dependency. Realizing that dependency of any kind is a detriment to one's Will, I undertook what has been a very painful (though deliberate) experience.
4.) To reach a state of Power, as I unerstand it, one must overcome the illusion of Suffering. Thus, in terms of Power and Will ("Power" being one's ability to enact Will), those most able to overcome themselves are most capable of utilizing their True Will. It is in the crucible that the Grail is forged.
5.) My understanding of this matter has been formed through bitter experience. This experience is relative and, in essence, irrelevant. Suffice it to say that I do not wish this experience on anyone--however, for those who are called, I can say that to overcome the cycle of addiction one must eradicate the very root of this addiction. Personally, this involved not only a change of Habit, but an alteration of my entire being and worldview. Addiction is a symptom, not the disease.
6.) In closing, I may mention that Habit is Choronzon's minion. This demon takes many forms; overcome it, and you overcome your self (lowercase "s") and enter into communion with your True Will.
Edit: I'll post once more when symptoms have ceased, though this may be a while considering the length of usage. Those interested in details or in need of advice are welcome to PM me, as I have little interest in continuing with a subject that has been belabored ad naseum. (To wit: I really don't give a sh-t anymore.
)Du courage!
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@Avshalom Binyamin said
"That's fine but (1) the OP of this thread is about being on Suboxone, which is used to treat opium addiction "
To make this clear for anyone who is unaware, the main ingredient in Suboxone IS AN OPIATE.
It does not treat the addiction, it works as a temporary replacement.
This is because the opiate in Suboxone ,while powerful, functions differently and does not provide as acute an euphoria as other opiates. -
Thanks for clarifying.
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@ThelemicMage said
"I wouldn't go declare war on a substance put here to evolve me more than I'd go declare war on Typhon while I was in the Astral and try to mock all of his demons."
This post helped me today. I haven't had any sugar and I've been feeling miserable. Obviously sugar withdraw isn't in the same class as what the OP is going through. Reading the above reminded me of the verses in Liber LXV: *Then I said: O my beloved, O Lord Adonai, I pray thee to loosen the coils of the serpent! But she was closed fast upon me, so that my Force was stayed in its inception. * That reminded me of an OSHO FB post I read last week: The only problem with sadness, desperateness, anger, hopelessness, anxiety, anguish, misery, is that you want to get rid of them. That’s the only barrier......whatsoever is the case is the case. Accept it and let it come – let it come in front of you. In fact just to say "do not repress" is not enough. If you allow me, I would like to say, "Befriend it."
Befriending the way I feel when I'm miserable is a new concept I'm trying out today.
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@Dar es Alrah said
"...a sense of well-being and general happiness..."
That is generally the feeling people seek, whether through drugs, spirituality, a family...
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@Dar es Alrah said
"I love the effect of Rhodiola Rosea (Golden Root) - because it stimulates the production of natural opiates in the brain. You don't exactly get high on it, but it definitely promotes a sense of well-being and general happiness that is quite conducive to ... well - living. lol.
"I love the effect of singing and dancing......
And I don't need any cash to buy more, I just put on a new song
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I understand exactly what people on this thread are trying to say about me and nature and my love of plants, animals, and anything that helps me recognize myself from it's parts in the parts in nature.
I will say only one last thing..
"The drugs were indeed revealed."
I mean the man wrote books on just the subject, many destroyed, like the cactus book on peyote, one of his favorites.
I doubt our lady Nuit would reveal drugs produced by her and her perfect Nature and our Mother Gaia that had been tampered with by someone's ancestors for addictive qualities.
Just saying.. it even took him years to come to terms with using those that were revealed, even to the point of losing his live over one of them because it was used for mainly medicinal purposes and maybe not entirely to Nuit. "Always unto me.. unto me." Once that is realized, drugs, people, food, drink, anything you do cannot and will not harm you.
I don't know who would need more convincing of that.
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As of now it is 14 days since my last dose.
It took 12 days before I lost the "burning sandpaper" feeling. Days 1-5 were the worst. As of now I am at 90% capacity. The only symptoms remaining are insomnia and irritability from time to time.
My doctor(s) prescribed me mainly oxycodone, diazepam, dextroamphetamine, and for a time I was prescribed methadone as well. For some reason the doctors in this area find methadone to be an effective analgesic (screw that!) The post-acute phase of methadone is Hell. I stopped taking everything at once two weeks ago. I had the brilliant idea of attempting to kick the opiate habit with an ill-timed mass dose of amphetamines (150+ milligrams). This I do not advise. The only intoxicants I've used over the past two weeks have been cannabis and an occasional Scotch whiskey.
My opiate use peaked at around 150-200 milligrams a day over the course of two years. Late December and January of this year I was clean, but I relapsed at the first opportunity. This last Thursday was the first day I felt "well" again. I would say the most effective aspect of my detox routine was the fact that I attacked my problem on all fronts (mental, spiritual, emotional), changed my friends, lifestyle, personal goals, and so forth. If one doesn't integrate oneself on all levels, it is rather useless to undertake any major change.
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@Veronica said
"But I think I am pretty firm in the belief that a long time ago, some ones ancestors manipulated the addictive qualities for their benefit. "
Can you provide any links about this? This is a very interesting subject.
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"I doubt our lady Nuit would reveal drugs produced by her and her perfect Nature and our Mother Gaia that had been tampered with by someone's ancestors for addictive qualities. "
I think either I did not articulate myself well, or you didn't understand me.
When I read your post, I will admit that your choice of words rubbed me as someone who believes that Nature is for humans to do with as they please. You choice of words were almost identical to words I have heard come from people who have IMO exploited and misused natural resources.
But that could have just been my misunderstanding.
I was trying to articulate that these drugs you espouse, came about long before humans, and the properties you adore are actually beneficial to the plant and it's ecosystem.
The fact that you get high off them is IMO just like a pretty bow on top of a present, a nice bonus and a lovely touch.
I also was attempting to share with you that I have a firm belief that human ancestors, a long time ago knew about the Bonus properties, and like the bully on the playground, or the sweat shop operator, figured out that some people really need to be controlled, some really need a hand, and some are to smart and should be squashed down and sedated so that they don't interfer with the fantastic production of civilization.
I am sorry I don't understand the rest of your post, I think you are referencing AC, but IDK. I personally think it is utter BS to think that you need to consume a substance to alter your mind, expand you heart, or get light and lovey. But that's me, I have a unique composition, and a highly active pituitary gland which can secret all the nature dope I may need.I believe that drug dealers are the second oldest professionals......
And Vlad, I am sorry I don't have any links to quick little reads about how I came to this belief. I have studied sociology, history, psychology as well as botany and chemistry. I can provide books if you are so inclined.
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@Dar es Alrah said
"
@Veronica said
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@Dar es Alrah said
"I love the effect of Rhodiola Rosea (Golden Root) - because it stimulates the production of natural opiates in the brain. You don't exactly get high on it, but it definitely promotes a sense of well-being and general happiness that is quite conducive to ... well - living. lol."I love the effect of singing and dancing......
And I don't need any cash to buy more, I just put on a new song"It must be nice to have a brain that doesn't require additional supplements to maintain it's natural level of opiates. However - I've just accepted that my brain produces less of these natural opiates and that I do need to supplement for that if I wish to embrace a better emotional balance.
And when I do... then a new song will do it for me too."I didn't use to,
I had to work a long time,I didn't realize how unique my chemistry was until last month when my mother died five times, and a host of other crazy stuff happened and I hardly missed a beat.
I must say though, you truly are remarkable in your own self understanding and mastery, to know that about onesself and find healthy ways to achieve balance is a gift, and you are blessed!
Kudos to you dear Sister, may we someday dance to the same band!