jillian_j
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my name is my jillian. my journey began 2 years ago with the birth of my first child. although i valued my self little, i found the desire to supply my first son with only the contentment in truth and love of life; a compound that i hadn't experienced myself but had faith of its' existence.
my awakening has been... overwhelming. information, knowledge, and intellect flood my whole in it's entirety, drowning portions that aren't able to keep up. i've lost most of everything that i had before the beginning. i took well to the loss and still today continue to do so as more components break away with my whole's perpetual velocity to... the horizon of my logic. with integrity, i kept and continue to keep my head above water, for my son.
doing so, keeping my head above the water, has become much easier since my first email to T.
finally, i've found the rest of you.
but i wonder, as i am a biologically modified human being of skeptisism,
do you know who i am? do you feel my connectivity?
why was it so difficult to find you?
and why is my universe taunting me, now that i have?there are things that i want to say and ask, but a second wave of energy washes those desires away, leaving my whole with no intent to slow down and evaluate. that is not me. but what am i? i am a pharmaceutical student, working in the pharmaceutical monopoly. my heart stutters with self-disappointment and self-distaste. i am a pawn, i have been misguided, and i am stumbling to find the path to my true will. who am i? i am a natural chemist; the only thing that i have is the ability to break down the matter of any whole, and use its information to piece it together differently. thus, i've finally found you. you, who are also chemists, but somewhere else, on the horizon of my logic.
there are so many things that i crave; questions, answers, stories, proof, evidence. though a second wave of evergy washes those desires away, leaving my whole content with what i know already.
though there are things that i must know, no?
why is my universe taunting me?
will T's "Tower of Light" protect me?
am i crazy? hallucenating? smoking too much weed?
or are my visualizations something else?i realize that i am not alone, so this experience has become less traumatic. i am not prepared for anything that might come, but i am confident that all will be well, and i am forever grateful to you for that, for you are the reason that i can face tomorrow. i am happy to be here, eager to learn, and so hopeful of a brighter future.
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93 Alrah,
Thanks for your warm welcome
I'm interested in furthering my knowledge in Magick, the Master Therion, and meditation techniques. I would also like to learn how to channel my inner light and "experience the right event from one moment of conscious to another."
Any help, guidance, or input would be greatly appreciated.
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