What to do when you can't go any further?
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When someone wants something, they find a way. When someone doesn't want something, they find an excuse.
Try harder finding a teacher and, if you really can't and your aspiration is sincere, do it on your own. (You do seem to be a mature aspirant.) Do not take lightly the power of the Magical Oath.
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@draco210 said
"Well, I guess I'm at a stage in my life where I feel like I just can't go any further on my own."
I got there in December 1978. So, a month later, I stared the BOTA correspondence course. I used the methods taught in the first two months of work to manifest a direct connection to a teacher. A series of events tumbled over each other, and by April I had met Soror Meral and, by August, had been received by her as a student.
Not bad, eh?
Bottom line (since you're askkng for advice): When you can't go on any further on your own, don't. But, also, DO. Do something. Some magick. Some digging. Whatever. To get you the thing you really need: A master who will receive you.
"The Dryness (as described by Molinos) is getting to the point where I find it absolutely unbearable."
That's a good sign, then. (It doesn't happen except as a good sign.)
"I live in the middle of nowhere."
Where?
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@draco210 said
" the BOTA correspondence course about 4/5 months ago, and I've been using the very same lessons to try and attract a teacher. It has brought me here!!! "
And as a matter of fact, Jim is the Cancellarius of the Jane Wolf lineage (if I'm not mistaken). Anyway, you are talking to the right crowd.
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@draco210 said
"I live in N.Ireland. Do you accept aspirants from abroad?"
Regrettably, we have no way to serve anyone from outside North America. We've tried in the past, but the amount of in-person connection and periodic in-person access the A.'.A.'. work requires rarely works that way.
Temple of Thelema, on rare occassions, accepts someone from outside North America who is willing to travel at least a couple of times a year. It is still non-ideal, and much tougher to succeed, though it's possible. I'm not encouraging this, only mentioning that it sometimes works.
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93 Brother,
I bet I can beat yr middle of nowhere, I live in the Northern Territory of Australia, and I can relate to the idea of isolation and really needing a teacher. They say the when the student is ready the master will come, I personally, in my frustration, have railed against this statement and claimed it a profound stream of bullshit, but to be honest the Voice tells me it is quite true. I am fortunate enough now to be in touch with a person who will take me on as a Probationer, however they are on the other side of the world. I can look at this as an unfair and an insurmountable hurdle, or thank mine Angel not only for providing the teacher but also creating a circumstance where my initiation will involve hard work and sacrifice, and thereby be even more meaningful.
An answer for myself in a case of severe dryness was getting rid of Magick altogether. I was in a shitty place and unsure what to do with the next part of my life, and I found psychology, I threw myself into it, saw a Psych, enrolled in uni and completely renounced the path and began to look at the things I called the path in a Psych way. Why was i into the occult who am I really, why have I followed a drug addled poet so devotedly for do many years etc. Magick and mysticism began to creep back in of course, and psychology became an important part of who I am and an invaluable tool to help me attain dissolution in the divine. I think what I'm trying to say is that, for me, I made Magick and Thelema prove themselves to me, which the did unequivocally.
Also pod casts like Speech in the Silence (particularly the Living Thelema segment) go along way in helping with the isolation and forums like this (particularly this one on which there is an amazing calibre of people) can help heaps with new ideas and lines of thought/enquiry. It's only the last couple of months that I've been using the net for Magick as I always sorta looked down it (mainly cause I didn't understand it) but despite the numerous dingbats there is some real gold.
Sorry if this has become rambling. Remember also, it will work itself out, always. The night will end with the coming of the Golden Dawn.
Fraternally yours,
Luke
30 6 20 5 = 61
30 + 6 = 36 20 + 5 = 25
6squared + 5squared = 61
Hexagram + Pentagram = Ain
AbrahadabraPS Hand on heart, I just saw that. This is the perfect example of what I was saying about the net and forums like this. I posted a question about week or so ago asking people's thoughts on a Hebrew letter I could use for the e in Luke, something I've always struggled with, and Jim suggested He. And in writing this reply I have discovered that I am the next Perfect Master sent to guide the human race (joke).
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@draco210 said
"I'd move Jim. And yes, I'm that serious about it. Absolutely nothing else matters to me."
Beware which cliff you jump off of!
If you are serious - if that's really practical for you and it's what you want to do - then contact with the Los Angeles or New York City chiefs at the contact information here:
helema.org/temple_of_thelema/locations.html -
@draco210 said
"What about the Student Grade? My last book is in the post and will be coming through my letter-box shortly. Can I be accepted as a Student, take the test, and if I pass, become a Probationer when I move over?"
Whoever you're dealing with on that - they have nothing to do with us, nor us with them. So that's in the category of "your own business." Please don't confuse that with anything you would be doing with us.
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@draco210 said
"I'm confused here Jim. I was asking you about the Student Grade in the A.'.A.'., not someone else."
You were asking about a Student curriculum you signed up with someone for, yes?
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Sorry, didn't see this yesterday.
If you were within geographic reach, had studied the material for three months, and then passed examination in the material, then yes, of course you'd get your own probation officer
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I am having trouble finding the first post in this thread.... Was it deleted?
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What did Crowley write about dry periods?
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I found this:
Even those dreadful periods of “dryness” and of despair seem but the necessary lying fallow of the Earth. All those “false paths” of Magic and Meditation and of Reason were not false paths, but steps upon the true Path; even a tree must shoot downwards its roots into the Earth in order that it may flower, and bring forth fruit in its season.
— Aleister Crowley, from the Prologue of Liber DCCCLX, or John St. John, The Record of the Magical Retirement of G. H. Frater, O∴ M∴
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@AliceKnewI said
"I am having trouble finding the first post in this thread.... Was it deleted?"
It must have been. There is no Draco210 on the forum any longer, so either he deleted it himself, or it was purged with other posts if he was administratively moved.
From the parts quoted, it looks like the question wasn't one of despair, but of hitting a wall - of trying to be self-guided but having, for the moment, hit the limit of that and thus not being able to go further without assistance.
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Consider that as Love is mighty to bring forth all Ecstasy, so absence of Love is the greatest craving. Whoso is balked in Love suffereth indeed, but he that hath not actively that passion in his heart towards some object is weary with the ache of craving. And this state is called mystically “Dryness.” For this there is, as I believe, no cure but patient persistence in a Rule of Life.
But this Dryness hath its virtue, in that thereby the Soul is purged of those things that impeach the Will: for when the drouth is altogether perfect, then is it certain that by no means can the Soul be satisfied, save by the Accomplishment of the Great Work. And this is in strong souls a stimulus to the Will. It is the Furnace of Thirst that burneth up all dross within us.
But to each act of Will is a particular Dryness corresponding: and as Love increaseth within you, so doth the torment of His absence. Be this also unto you for a consolation in the ordeal! Moreover, the more fierce the plague of impotence, the more swiftly and suddenly is it wont to abate.”Aleister Crowley, Liber CL נעל A Sandal De Lege Libellum L— L— L— L— L
