Supreme actions for Protection
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Agreed it is not going to hurt.
Can't say 'repulsive' is the way to go-- just put up those psychic barriers one learns to put up in life.
I would like to focus on this self esteem issue. It seems to me that you have a character trait that allows trouble into it.
I am wondering why you have no friends?"It feels like I am a psychic lightening rod in way, or a huge astral neon sign saying fresh meat and that's how they find me, and once they get a taste (metaphorically of course)......" and there are many people like this.
So you have to learn to be more discriminant about who you let into your orbit? Having more friends will allow you to be choosey. I keep thinking self esteem. What was your father like? Did your parents teach you who to hang around and who not to?
Can you tell rubbish when you see it? Can you tell a psychic vampire? A bludger? time water? Wanker?
If you could see rubbish was trying to befriend you- do you have the character traits to piss him off?Q
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I said BP7 and meant BP5.
Do you have 776 1/2? It's in there also.
I'll check when I get home. I should at least be able to send you the article.
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"I would like to focus on this self esteem issue. It seems to me that you have a character trait that allows trouble into it."
I have a character trait that allows me to love the unlovable. I can and will see the good in a hideous monster when no one else can. When everyone else has tossed it away, I can always find value. I will never givenup hope on some soul, ever. I think that is a good thing, and that more people should be like me, kind open honest helpful loyal......
But there appears to be time now on me, when I cannot try to help him anymore, that I need to pull back and take care of things,responsibilities I have (my kids and stuff).
I thought that I had a friend, I woulda put all my money on it. in fact I stupidly let all my other relationships fall away because I was invested in this one "friend." But I now know that this whole relationship was a lie and a glamour, weaved for years.
And I know that if I was lied to, then I am pretty sure that everything else is a lie, that other deeper lies were told, so the gig is up, and I am pissed and I have to do something for protection.
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, and thanks for listening.
Truthfully, since I am in the mucky mucky of this business right now, I don't think I need to focus at all on thinking about how to handle future relationships, and a psych evaluation, I need to think about what I am going to do for protection when I cut this person off, which is what I have to do. -
@Angel of Death said
""I think that ... more people should be like me"
That disqualifies all the rest you claim to believe. I know you don't want a psyche eval, but it boils down to being in denial so far. I'll leave it at that.
If you want to believe me, you are bringing on some muckity karma. Otherwise, file a restraining order and tell your neighbors that this person does not belong on your property. That is the sanest advice I could offer.
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@Takamba said
"
@Angel of Death said
""I think that ... more people should be like me"That disqualifies all the rest you claim to believe. I know you don't want a psyche eval, but it boils down to being in denial so far. I'll leave it at that.
If you want to believe me, you are bringing on some muckity karma. Otherwise, file a restraining order and tell your neighbors that this person does not belong on your property. That is the sanest advice I could offer."
You can't file until after the person does something.
Even after I once had someone piss on my steps, and deflate my tires with me watching!I admit that I had been in complete denial about the level of threat, and stupidly hopeful that this person was not afflicted with a severe mental health issue.
I do think that when I am at my best, which is pretty damn often I am a fantastic credit to my race, and that more people should be like that part of me.I don't think that at all disqualifies my beliefs at all.
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@Angel of Death said
"I admit that I had been in complete denial about the level of threat, and stupidly hopeful that this person was not afflicted with a severe mental health issue.
I do think that when I am at my best, which is pretty damn often I am a fantastic credit to my race, and that more people should be like that part of me.I don't think that at all disqualifies my beliefs at all."
I didn't say it disqualifies your beliefs, but if you trust me - it lends to say it disqualifies your beliefs in your beliefs (therein is the trouble). If you truly believed that everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, you wouldn't bring up your doubt. If you truly believed in the good in every one, you wouldn't describe the bad in them. But instead if you could believe in the reality of the nature of everyone, you might be more inclined to accept yourself even as flawed - and therein would lie the solution.
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@Angel of Death said
"Yea, and that all is an issue of trust.
And since I know my own perceptions lie to me
I should just trust that everyone else is lying to me too.
That's reality, that's normal.
And that sucks."As much as I love you (and as little as I actually know you, keep in mind that my love is of the universal and unqualified kind), all this suggests you have a tendency yourself to tell lies. Yes? Tell me that isn't so. You couldn't imagine the lies if you yourself weren't capable of them. And not being willing of them, you'd be (based only on my own experience, and nothing else) less prone to fall victim to them.
Be honest (ps - we can continue this in private messages if you prefer)
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I will try to take a magikal approach to this:
You have spoken of easily being able to drum up your own energy
The question I ask is :
How good are you at containing, directing, ensuring all of it goes where you say?
If you are creating a lot of magikal energy without proper grounding or direction
It has a tendency to leek out, attracting all kinds of predators
Hungry to gobble it all upThe good and pure cast shadows with hells as deep as heaven is high.
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Sign of silence has always worked for me, specifically the "babe in the blue egg" visualization.
Banishing with laughter, like Jim noted has worked for me as well.
LBRP can actually attract beings and yet also banish them, it can be quite paradoxical.
Sometimes the best protection is simple and not as complex.
One thing I can say, is that if something evil is about, the worst thing you can do is react to it.
Evil beings seem to feed on negative human emotions. It sounds like a typical response but
I find it to be true. -
@Takamba said
"If you truly believed that everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, you wouldn't bring up your doubt. If you truly believed in the good in every one, you wouldn't describe the bad in them. But instead if you could believe in the reality of the nature of everyone, you might be more inclined to accept yourself even as flawed - and therein would lie the solution."
Totally agree.
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@Takamba said
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@Veronica said
"Yea, and that all is an issue of trust.
And since I know my own perceptions lie to me
I should just trust that everyone else is lying to me too.
That's reality, that's normal.
And that sucks."As much as I love you (and as little as I actually know you, keep in mind that my love is of the universal and unqualified kind), all this suggests you have a tendency yourself to tell lies. Yes? Tell me that isn't so. You couldn't imagine the lies if you yourself weren't capable of them. And not being willing of them, you'd be (based only on my own experience, and nothing else) less prone to fall victim to them.
Be honest (ps - we can continue this in private messages if you prefer)"
Truth is time.....
I lied about Santa, and the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, and the great pumpkin king.
I lie when I say to myself,
People are good.
I lie when I say
People can be helped
I lie when I say....
I love this world.Well what does it matter,
I was brought into this world on a bed of liesTruth is...
I make bad choices
Truth is
Nothing and no one can help me,
Truth is
I Hate being a human beingThat's the truth.
Truth is
I hate hearing murderous thoughts of others
I hate hearing how stupid lazy people suck of the system
I hate hearing how violence is the answer
I hate hearing about how f upped this world is.So I have lied to myself, and made lite of this persons psychosis. I lied and thought that my love would be enough to keep him from hurting other people. I lied when I told myself I can roll with the punches because She's got my back. I lied to myself when that little voice inside my head told me, tell your children that you love them and that no matter what happens to you they will be ok, And I disregarded it.
Truth is I am just a no body. But shush don't tell anyone......they are no body too.
But that's a lie too, because to many people I am something....something like a star, And they orbit around me like little twin stars, because I am all they have. Which is a paradox, on one hand no thing, on the other everything.
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@Veronica said
"
Truth is time.....I lied about Santa, and the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, and the great pumpkin king.
I lie when I say to myself,
People are good.
I lie when I say
People can be helped
I lie when I say....
I love this world.Well what does it matter,
I was brought into this world on a bed of liesTruth is...
I make bad choices
Truth is
Nothing and no one can help me,
Truth is
I Hate being a human beingThat's the truth.
Truth is
I hate hearing murderous thoughts of others
I hate hearing how stupid lazy people suck of the system
I hate hearing how violence is the answer
I hate hearing about how f upped this world is.So I have lied to myself, and made lite of this persons psychosis. I lied and thought that my love would be enough to keep him from hurting other people. I lied when I told myself I can roll with the punches because She's got my back. I lied to myself when that little voice inside my head told me, tell your children that you love them and that no matter what happens to you they will be ok, And I disregarded it.
Truth is I am just a no body. But shush don't tell anyone......they are no body too.
But that's a lie too, because to many people I am something....something like a star, And they orbit around me like little twin stars, because I am all they have. Which is a paradox, on one hand no thing, on the other everything."
Something like that - although that seems a wee bit histrionic in its presentation, you get it. I think.
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Well, I will admit that was a very emotion thing for me to write out.
Wee bit, hu?
Histrionic.....had to go look that up to be sure I knew what you were saying.On that other thread, FP shared a quote about the lying of the Heirophant, and how some times he chooses the best lie. My father lied all the time, and I knew each one the minute he opened his mouth. My mother would always be the source of truth, or silence.
I don't like lying about Santa, and if it wasn't for everyone else in my family I would have never done that.
I am still struggling with this whole deeper issue, and appreciate your comments and feedback, and enduring my personal style of histrionics.
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Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.
Hi Veronica:
I think the dynamics of what you describe have common threads for all of us. But your description of things, of yourself and of a threatening male counterpart, seem to resonate particularly from your femininity. It is that aspect of this dynamic that I am inclined here to address.
I seem to know a lot of women whose beauty has tripped them up. Flattered to death, I call it - when identity is shaped by a feminine appearance, which is so esteemed, desired, and, simultaneously, despised, in the West. Something happens over time. Enjoyment of the power that a woman has, in walking down the street, to draw attention, to stop traffic, to attract men, inflates a certain part of the ego and hides in its shadow all the ugly, masochistic resentments that come with it. There often lies, at the heart of it, a pit of deep self-doubt and even self-loathing. This self-denied essence is a mechanism long used to keep women "in their place." She is, in a manner of speaking, the Self-Shackled Crone.
My intuition tells me that maybe there is, beneath the self-esteem you obviously possess, something of a hole like this--a doubt of whether your worth would be so valued in another body, with another face; a recognition of the superficiality of lust and longing your image evokes. And, along with this psychology, this kind of failure to appropriately value yourself (with all its real-world relational consequences), I intuit also a powerfully denied sensation of rage. And probably of terror, at its core.
Particularly if the outer reflection is violent, I think these kinds of "negative" sentiments must be explored. For all of us, but maybe even more so for pretty people, finding and expressing the ways we feel ugly and wrathful and powerless and exposed and threatened can be incredibly challenging. This stuff is in the shadow for a reason. It's necessary, but not necessarily much fun, to drag it, like a forgotten prisoner, into the light.
I'm no expert on protection spells; hardly even a novice in that area. But I do have a sense of how our inner field magnetizes the experiences we require to unblock ourselves. And in my view, those presented with particularly ugly circumstances on the outside have some serious work to do to locate the comparably disagreeable state within. (That may sound like blaming the victim; I see it as acknowledging the godlike power of the will.)
In other women I know, their femininity brought about very early feelings of being under attack, of being wanted inappropriately, of having early experiences of their lovely, innocent sexuality and burgeoning sensuality muddled with male attentions--advanced sometimes violently, sometimes sheepishly, sometimes in a self-hating, vampire-like way. Over time, most women numb to this aspect of it all, they generally seem to rise above it, to master the art of being dismissive towards the penetrating gazes and desperate, needy energy that their pleasant appearances draw. But also dismissed in this effort are their own genuinely harsh reactions to the intrusions they suffer, on an almost daily basis. And then they can fall into a series of bad choices, made from a state of numbness to self; experiences drawn from both the conscious and unconscious aspects/consequences of their glamor and mystique.
Usually, with women whose looks fit the times (and outer beauty is, in my view, largely a social construct) there is an early memory that provides a key to begin working this out--a first experience of shame and fear and something akin to violation, subtle though it may be. This certainly could be in the form of outright molestation, but it might have been a glance, an unusual hug from Dad, a funny look from a trusted male adult, an overheard conversation. But, in that moment, whatever form it took, there is in the girl a startling sense of discomfort, and in an immediate effort to protect her developing psyche from this experience, something in her awareness gets pushed out and denied. That pretty little girl, loved and admired for being cute and all the rest, feels outraged and hurt, in a word, "ugly." But she finds no place for her anger, no place for the way that this kind of assault makes her feel, no place for the ugliness. And, in an instant, she absorbs and buries that sensation, and looses sight of something essential about her will. This establishes a pattern she repeats again and again and again.
I believe that finding these memories can be extremely liberating, and, in a practical sense, accessing and vibrating in those denied places can have a direct effect on the experience of the world, resulting in an immediate release from the external violence that the denial calls forth (i.e. to bring the denied essence into to awareness).
I think there is really no better mechanism for getting to this stuff than simply finding a safe place, where you won't be disturbed or heard, and letting yourself get into the gestalt of your internal "negativity." Descend, if you will, in your consciousness down into the long forgotten, ugliest feelings you have, feelings about yourself and the world, and, I suppose, men. It doesn't really matter which door you take. Just feel the way you resist being hateful, being angry, being "ugly," and let that resistance go. Get into it. Grunt and growl and scream and drool and cry and panic and thrash and howl into your pillow, beat your mattress, whatever comes up, and see if you can find, deep in the caverns of your subconscious, the denied, seemingly unacceptable, unpleasant, unpretty, and at the time, unwanted, aspect of your will that you buried there. Movement is important, sound is important. The point is to give voice to parts of yourself you deemed unacceptable and, in a word, "violently" pushed out of your consciousness. Let them come up as they are, thrashing and bitter, neglected and abused for so long. They might not feel like "you," at first, but in just letting those aspects move through your body, you can start to reintegrate and heal.
And then do some LBRP and whatever else it takes to structuralize the experience. Or employ some laughter and other energy-raising exercises to embrace and welcome the forgotten bits and pieces you are starting to vibrate.
But, for what its worth, I do think a more, um, poetic approach may serve you well, at least at first.
I believe that your ability to see the best in others is something you would be well-advised to direct straight into the nastiest parts of yourself.
Good luck.
Love is the law, love under will.
