College of Thelema: Thelemic Education

I'm in a monogamous relationship and call ourselves husband and wife though we are not legally married. He experienced a polyamorous relationship before we met but acknowledges that he went along with it to get this woman away from her husband, which he did. She was the one who believed they were all polyamorous; he never did. He is a Capricorn with an agenda, lol. He wanted to be monogamous with her (it obviously didn't work out). To this day he maintains that poly amory is a crock of doo doo. Thats his opinion. Personally I'm not into it but I have no moral objection to anyone else living that lifestyle. Monogamy works for us because we are honest with each other and we don't let each other off the hook about things. Plus, we question each other and challenge each other intellectually, spiritually, sexually. We've had threesomes. We've been part of the local BDSM scene. He has encouraged me to explore my dominant side; he thinks it's sexy. We want to have new adventures together. I just have to get him out of the ICU and home. I truly love him so very much.

I find Thelema to be entirely self-empowering; that's why I'm committed to it. I find nothing in it that says you can only attain K&C if you are a man . . I don't find anything misogynistic about it. And I've given this some thought, after reading Brandy Williams' "The Woman Magician" in which she vilifies Crowley as a male chauvinist and is indignant that she, as a woman, is "relegated" to the priestess role in rituals. I personally think she carries feminism too far, and wonder why she still claims any connection to Thelema when apparently it insults her. I guess I'm looking past the rituals to the core of the Great Work, which is uniquely individual and that relies on YOU. I didn't find it very Thelemic to blame others (e.g. men) for her apparent inability to achieve what she thought she should be achieving in Thelema.

Just my opinion!!

I'm relatively new here, too, Michael. Glad to know I'm not the only one who's trying to figure this all out. You have a lot to overcome with your religious upbringing, but the fact that you know Thelema is "right" for you means everything. You've kept coming back to it because you yearn to be free in every sense of the word. I've also struggled with Resh, but I am vigilant about a magical diary. I study for 6-8 hours every week and record my thoughts, things I've learned, concepts, etc in my diary. It's a labor of love! I've not devoted myself to a study program (it's not a real 'program,' I am just reading books, looking at websites, etc) for years and years. I just began studying "The Vision and the Voice," and I have a separate journal for that. Joining an order? There isn't one where i live, and, frankly, I like doing my own thing. I really *&^% hate rules or anyone telling me I HAVE to read this or learn this . . . anyway, I wish you all the best and encourage you to participate here. I would if I had more time, but I sure do enjoy reading the posts. I've learned a lot.

I bristle at the concept of proselytizing and "converting" people, just on general principles. That seems to be the ultimate interference with someone's will, Thelemite or not. And, we all know it: Thelema is not for everyone, and in fact, I don't believe it's for most people. Most people don't have the self-awareness and have no interest in nor capability of taking responsibility for oneself that Thelema requires. Christianity is so prevalent because it's so easy to "give it all to god," and "let jesus take the wheel," and BOOM! you're off the hook.

I certainly agree that we are examples in the way we live our lives and practice our belief, and if someone comes to any of us and asks what it is we "are," then by all means, share with them. They'll know soon enough if they are up for the challenge. Thelema to me is new each day - because I'm continuously growing, learning new things, new ways of looking at life and at myself. Life would not be worth it without these daily renewals. Some people crave stasis and want no new ideas to interfere with their insulated, closed world. Thelema breaks down all those doors and forces you to face yourself - personally, I think that is the number one fear that people have and most never do, all their lives.

I bet you know much more than you realize. Those of us who seek out alternative ways of thinking (such as Thelema) go about it differently than the majority of people. Instead of trying to fit ourselves into a belief system of dogma and rules, we search our hearts and minds and determine what we believe and who we really are - and then we go out looking to see if there is a name for it. I honestly thought I was a freak, and that there was no one on earth who believed what I did. I was afraid to really talk to anyone about it. What made it even more difficult was that what I believed was so stinking logical to me, and it was inconceivable that other people had not figured it out. I first stumbled onto Paganism (for want of a better term) and found my way to Thelema. I'm still evolving. I read all sorts of things and talk to people of all spiritualities in order to hone my own. I have morphed and grown, and feel so good about not stagnating in a dead religion that has nothing to offer me but rules, admonitions, and threats.

Harking back to some previous posts in this thread, I found the comments on OCD interesting. My husband was severely OCD for several years, to the point of washing his hands in pure bleach. He made up his mind that he couldn't keep living like that, and by sheer force of will he stopped. What's annoying is, people don't believe it. OCD is for "life," or so modern medicine says. You never get over it, you can never force yourself out of it. But he did. People will tell him he must have never been really truly OCD. That p*sses him off, because he was worst case scenario. What makes it even more interesting is that he is the most powerful magician I know. I believe he is an example of how one can overcome "compulsions" and use the will to forge your own path, not the one dictated by mainstream society.

I've been calling myself an anarchist pagan for quite some time because I'd found no named system that really fit me. However, in Thelema, I find more in common than with any other concept(s). I believe I've been called by Horus in the first place, and he's somehow led me to the world of "modern" Thelema. Looking forward to learning from those who have more experience.