College of Thelema: Thelemic Education

Thanks Jim. Yes, I would agree there is something like this going on

Probably what I need to do is this.....

4. Choose ye an island!

5. Fortify it!

6. Dung it about with enginery of war!

Thank you so much Jim. I will read carefully your indications and try to figure out a solution.

I would like to comment on this statement you made:
"If that's not true, then my answer would be different, e.g., I would counel to regard it as inadvertence, a weakness, a slip, a failure - and address it quite differently. But I'm taking you at your word."

Probably my willing violation can be much better described as a weakness/slip. As a matter of fact this is what happened: I started a specific action bearing in mind my oath and being absolutely committed to preserve it. However, in the midst of this very action I was overwhelmed by human weakness. Thus, I did not find enough strenght in myself to stop what I was doing. In my post I described it as a "willing" violation because, while losing control over my actions, I knew I was not respecting my oath. But, considering your clarification, certainly it was not "willing" in the sense that i planned to do so. I didn´t plan any violation - on the contrary my plan was to preserve my oaths (I knew I was getting myself in a risky situation that would require strenght and concentration. When it happened, I simply ceded, and while losing control over my action I was very much aware I was acting against my oaths).

Normally I wouldn´t be too concerned about the issue, as I would classify it exactly as a natural weakness. What scared me and led me to seek advice is the fact that it is already the second time it happens.

Thanks

93,

I deleted my original post as I feel embarrassed and ashamed about the naivety of what I wrote. I apologize about this. Some serious study, cool head and calm reasoning would have been enough to fix my “medieval”, puerile and superstitious understanding of the subject-matter.

As for the specific episode that led me to panic one year ago, it looks actually irrelevant, not to say silly. I did discuss the issue with my Brothers who confirmed that my self-disapproval for that episode was definitely excessive.

I am deeply grateful for all the replies that were posted here and am deeply grateful to my Brothers. The precious replies I received here, as well as the wisdom and guidance provided by my Brothers, allowed me to regain my self-respect and start working seriously in order to achieve a proper understanding of Magick.

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